to feel sorry for kids who are always playing out

[vodkanchocolate]

Probilly sounding very judgmental here. On our bit of street we have 2 families who never seem to do anything with their kids they are just playing out constantly I often wonder when they manage to go in for tea/dinner let alone baths, homework etc.

So yesterday dinner was time for us to go out go find my eldest dd who said why cant she play out with the others explained we are going to see an elderly relative whos about celebrate her 80th then we can call to the near by park this girl was listneing in and said thats laim fair enough not the most entertaining day for a 9 year old but the younger ones enjoyed themselves. Got back tea time and the bunch of same kids were still all i the street aged ranges from 4-12 and apparently one of the kids have said to my 2 eldest that Im stuck up and trying to stop them playing with the other kids. Why the hell would an 8 year old come out with that comment.

My kids do play out particully my 9 year old and never stopped her playing with anyone theres the odd incident where ill say think you best come away for a bit to avoid something.

Its same after school eve on a school night during summer months out until 9pm some nights wonder where the hell they find time to do stuff.

Sorry on phone today typing not very good.

Then maybe I should call you an over anxious up your own arse parent, just to even things out a bit

Go for it

Why is it relevant what it costs? I was merely making a point that yes my children are allowed to play out, they're rarely in actually, but also that they do other activities and aren't just left to their own devices outside all day.

Fiveacres, sounds like you had some very traumatic experiences as a child, which I'm sorry about. I definitely understand your position better after reading that.

Having said that, plenty of people on this thread have reported different / positive experiences of unsupervised childhood play.

I understand you don't feel its for your children. But can you see any positives to it?

Allowing children the freedom to play outside in a generally safe environment is not even remotely neglectful IMO. Rather, it is a tremendous gift. As I wrote above, I spent many happy hours playing with siblings and friends in the neighbourhood. I would not change that aspect of my childhood for all the tea in China.

If children never (or rarely) have the opportunity to play freely, to choose their own games, to settle their own disputes, to gain independence, then the parents are doing them a grave disservice. Of course, there is a happy medium to be found in terms of how much supervision children need at various ages and locations. But I think that the helicopter never-out-of-my-sight-for-one-second style can be quite suffocating and damaging.

I feel the negatives, even if they are only potential negatives, far outweigh the positives is my honest answer Laurie.

I don't really consider myself traumatised - perhaps a little from the sexual assault - but it was a very long time ago and really I rarely think of it. I think my concern is that in the keenness to give children independence it's easy to forget there is a process in that. An eight year old who doesn't play out 'alone' as such - insofar as I am within yelling distance - is not destined to be a dependent adult. More likely, and what has happened here, is that they become a little more independent every year.

All in all, I feel my children have an excellent quality of life in terms of exercise, diet, fresh air, enrichment. That's what's important for all of us, I suspect.

an over anxious up your own arse parent

Can I have that label please?

I let DS (8) go out and call for his friends in the neighbouring streets. They are allowed to go to the park or ride scooters round the block. He has to check in every hour and I (unbeknown to DS) have installed a tracking app on his phone so I know that he is where he says he is.

I worry about him almost constantly when he's out with his friends. It would be far easier for me if he was at home or in one of his friends' gardens (which he often ends up in anyway).

Just because I give him freedom, doesn't mean I don't worry.

I'm up my own arse for all sorts of other reasons entirely unrelated to this thread.

Liz1982 - may I politely wonder how many opportunities your daughter has to just be? and how often is she given a chance to be bored?

There's nothing wrong with activities. Problems arise when children don't learn what to do when nothing in particular is provided for them.

Girl in our village is sent out to grandfather but basically ends up with us. Peering through windows until ds2 is up! She just comes here for company really and it is a problem. Even when her dad is home he takes no responsibility. It is an issue.

Also find ourselves in the position of feeling responsible for her. Ds not allowed to play on railway bridge. Tge girl will just take herself off to do this. She is also quite sneaky. Have spoken to mother who just says to send her away. It dosent work. We are unpaid babysitters

We played out all day everyday in the holidays when I was a kid. We weren't bored; we played football, cricket, hide and seek, rollerskated. We could have played indoors but mainly played out. There were about 20 kids on my street. Now that same street is empty of kids. There's hardly cars on the street and I think it's a shame the kids are now all at activities or in front of a screen.

Well this thread has been enlightening. DS plays out almost every day if he's not got karate, scouts or football training. We live in a tiny village and he'll have a snack when he comes home from school by which time his pal is knocking on the door with a football. They go to the park, knocking for friends on the way and come home just before tea time. I see nothing wrong with this, he's happy, fit and healthy. Though sadly it seems like he has a neglectful mother for not hovering over his every move.

I couldn't agree more with your post at 17.15 fiveacres.

It's amazing that with TV, Internet, iPad, board games etc DD (8) is always complaiing that she's bored but is more than happy to spend hours playing outside with just a skipping rope and some chalk. There are kids who stay out later than I'm comfortable with but they're smart enough to not to ring my bell after 6.

DD plays out significantly less than I did as a child and plays a lot closer to home too because I'm a lot more anxious than my mother was about her child not being under adult supervision.

Not everyone has a large back garden and I think it important that children have time away from adults.

I think nowadays the only children who play out are those from chaotic homes. The only children I ever see playing out near me, are from a very rough estate half a mile down the road.

Isn't this rather a sweeping statement Formerbabe? Why shouldn't a child want to PLAY.OUTSIDE? Isn't it part of normal development? So do only normal well brought up play indoors or do they just sit there tied to a chair with their mouths taped up?

I can see your point OP, where I used to live children were out all day making a complete nuisance of themselves from school out time until well past dark (all year round), I think the parents wanted to see the back of them and we used to hear the kids say "we are not allowed to play ball infront of our house/near our car" so they used to do it infront of mine

As one poster said previously, it's good to have a balance, let they play out (keep an eye on them) and also take them out and spend time with them. Children need to have time away from adult instruction, as long as they are safe etc

Children who aren't allowed to play out are missing out on a childhood. They will never get thise years back

Only poor children play outside, y'see. The good parents pay lots of money for activities, thats how you know they are good parents, they have money and their children are far about playing in the road, doncha know?

above, not about. dyac.

Isn't is as true now as it was in the 70's that children are more in danger from adults they know? We had the flashers and the perverts in our area, but we were usually with friends so we weren't too vulnerable. However at home we were vulnerable children and some of us were abused (nice middle-class area).
All my happiest childhood memories are of playing out, even though we did have disputes and bullying.

My best friend and I lived next door to each other and met at 4. We played out alone since 7 and we still talk about the memories regularly now. So many children aren't allowed to do that now. I don't why parents would want them to miss out

Oops my last post makes it sound terrible! It wasn't. Just not very articulate when trying to cook dinner at the same time.

Very well said Ninky, kids need time away from constant adult intstruction so they develop their own sense of fun, imagination, reasoning etc. As long as they are not completed ignored and they are checked on for safety (and obviously the level of this will vary with ages) and they are not getting into bother.

Fiveacres children played outside long before the 70's, it used to be the norm.

Also, with all the stuff on the news about overweight children, how are children supposed to get enough exercise if they are indoors all day?

Isn't the op talking about only 2 families on her estate? Not all children that play out.

I think some posters are deliberately missing the point in order to have a go.

As I type this I can see the childrens park in front of our house. Large grassy area, fruit trees around the edges, a swing at one end. Nothing fancy.

There are about 15 children in the park. One group are playing football - girls and boys mixed, black and white, muslim, sikh, christian.

There are some toddlers with Mums and/or Dads.

In good weather the park will be like this till dusk. In summer holidays it will be like this from around 9am till dusk. All day, every day.

I look forward to the cricket season, when the fathers teach fancy bowling tricks to their children (well, sons usually), and try to outdo the other Dads. (A couple of weeks ago there was a footie match - all players were ladies in full muslim dress so their passing was somewhat hampered.)

Bloody marvellous!!

Do I love in some rural idyll? Hollow laugh - I live in a "dubious" area of a large city in the SE.

The young kids who play out on my street look very neglected. It depends where you live- in the countryside, great. On my street, right next to a four lane main road, in dirty clothes and still out in the dark, not great. How social services aren't involved I do not know.