Pro-lifers - what would you do? *trigger warning*

[catcuriosity]

Not a thread about a thread, but obviously there have been a number of discussions on whether blanket bans on abortion are appropriate in this day and age, and a number of people both on and off line have come out in support of them.

I am just curious as to what a pro-lifer would do in this situation, and apologies if this is triggering to anyone.

Scan at 18 weeks reveals part of the baby's brain is damaged and that has impacted the normal development, including deformaties to the limbs and spine, which has a huge scoliosis. The bladder is also very enlarged, suggesting the baby cannot empty it itself, which could ultimately result in the bladder exploding.
More tests reveal that the brain damage has left the baby paralysed, and it would be unable to take its first breath after birth and would therefore die straight away, assuming it made it to term, which was below 50% liklihood.
The paralysis also meant there would be no fetal movement, and therefore no warning signs if the baby died in the womb. If that happened, there is an increased chance of infection (and risk to the mother's life) and also a high chance of no future pregnancies if infection left lasting damage.

And most importantly, doctors think baby's nervous system doesn't develop until 20-24 weeks, and therefore at 18 weeks, the baby can't feel any pain associated with the issues. After 24 weeks, the baby will be in constant chronic pain.

So, do you terminate or carry the pregnancy on?

I am pro-life.

Many years ago we found out at the 20 week scan that our ds2 had a serious congenital heart defect that was incompatible with life. We were given the option to terminate. We were also told that if the pregnancy got beyond 32/34 weeks, if his lungs were well enough developed, if he did well until about 4 months and if a heart and lung transplant became available he might have a tiny chance of life. We were also told there could be a small margin of error either way in the context of more or less hopeful.

There was a miniscule chance he might have survived without a heart/lung transplant.

Because of that tiny chance we didn't terminate. He was born at 27 weeks and died a few hours later. He was buried and we grieved (still do grieve) his loss - he was our son but he didn't suffer and I wouldn't have wanted him to.

It was terribly hard OP and took me years to come to terms with it. It might have been kinder to us all to have terminated but then we would have had to live with the knowledge that there was a tiny chance he might have survived and felt we couldn't do that.

In your place now, I would terminate if I knew my baby had no chance and might suffer pain whilst still in the womb. I cannot reconcile allowing nature to take its place whilst allowing an unborn baby to suffer pain. Science allows us to know what an unborn baby will feel and we wouldn't allow a born baby to suffer that sort of pain. Science has empowered us to make choices that weren't available to us before to save others from hurting and perhaps ourselves too.

I shall think of you often OP, much longer than you will imagine possible. You must do what you and your DH feel in your hearts it is right to do and discount what anybody else says.

This an horrific situation but in time you will recover and come to terms with it - I am so sorry you will have to.

With love x

My thoughts and wishes are with you and your DH OP. An absolutely heartbreaking situation.

If I was in your shoes, I would do exactly as you are doing. As a few other posters have mentioned, If there was any likelyhood of a lack of understanding and full support from family members, I'd be being economical with the truth and tell them your angel had come too early to survive.

Much much love to you both. Xx

I'm pro-life n staunchly anti-termination in all but the most extreme circumstances.

The position u r in OP is not only absolutely heartbreaking but would certainly be within those extreme circumstances to my mind.

I wish u strength n peace. So sorry this is happening to u n urs .

I am very sorry you find yourself in this position OP.

You can only do what is right for you, and no one has the right to judge you.x

Please contact "Antenatal Results and Choices"
www.arc-uk.org/
They provide non-directive, neutral support and information for anyone going through a situation like the OP.
A friend of mine terminated a pregnancy due to foetal abnormalities. ARC were there for her every step of the way and supported her during the bereavement afterwards.

propelusagain. I have no words to respond to you.

everyone is pro life unless you are a murderer so stop using stupid language! Pro life indeed!!!! So unless you agree you are pro death? Absurd.

The difference is decent people can see that any decisions regarding a pregnant woman should be taken by the woman and any choice she makes until the baby is born is hers and hers alone.

No one else's business or else we are saying pregnant women are not thinking feeling adult beings who are fully able to control their bodies.

Thankfully the abortion laws in the UK support women. We must strive to support them for our dds sakes.

My deepest sympathy to you op and I hope you get the support and help you need. Xxx

Happybodybunny - the OP asked specifically for input from prolifers to help her understand a situation. A number of people have come onto this thread with honesty, using the OP's terminology, to offer their support in the issues she is grappling with. Please don't let's turn this into a discussion about semantics or a chance to put forward the prochoice view. It's about the OP and supporting her.

I agree with Dino's posts on this thread.

I'm so sorry that you are going through this

Happybodybunny -well said.

Very sorry to hear about what is happening to you.

I'm Irish and pro-life - but I believe abortion is the right thing to do in certain cases like this if that is what the mother wants.

I would never judge anyone for having an abortion for whatever reason - even though I'm pro-life

Make the right decision for you regardless of what DH's family think.

Not everywhere in the UK Happybody

The abortion law in Northern Ireland is in incredibly restrictive.

mistbecomingrain

You are not pro-life, Clearly. I'm Irish and pro-life - but I believe abortion is the right thing to do in certain cases

My mum was told to terminate me as my skull had not developed properly and I "wasn't growing" she stuck at it and actually made a big complaint to the hosptial when I arrived as she was misinformed about the severity of my defects. I'm here, I'm fine and I have 2 kids of my own and I'm training to be a doctor.

I'm STILL pro choice and think any country that isn't pro choice is barbaric and uncivilised

propel I don't think this is the thread to try and educate people of the meaning of pro-life and pro-choice.

I am certainly appreciating the clarifying posts from propel and happybody.

propel I think you need a different thread for clarifying because this isn't appropriate.

OP I'm so sorry that you're in this situation and wish you and your DH all the best, I hope that if you do wish to discuss with your ILs that they are sensitive to your and DHs feelings over their beliefs

propelus - do you really think this is the right thread for that discussion?

But the definition of pro lifer is pretty intrinsic to the whole thread.

Pro-lifers - what would you do? Is the primary question- so I would assume the OP wants accurate views.
I have every sympathy for the OP, but what's the point if some of the "pro lifers" are saying that they are pro life but not in every circumstance.
That is not a being pro-life.

I agree a separate thread needed if people want to debate definitions. I have sympathy with the arguments but it's just not the place.

OP you sound like you are making the best possible decision in an horrible situation. I'm so so sorry you are experiencing this.

Evenign all
Just to say that if there's one thing that we can ALL do with it's some moral support

I would always describe myself as prolife. I dont agree with abortion on demand. I always thought if i was told my unborn baby would die shortly after birth id continue with the pregnancy anyway. But your situation is much more complicated. The law over here is designed around stuations like yours. Mothers health, health of the baby. Youre not Choosing an abortion, theres no real choice in this situation. My heart goes out to you xxx

I am pro choice.

But I wanted to say I am so sorry Cat.

In your shoes I would move heaven and earth to prevent my child from suffering. Nature can be very cruel.

I am so, so sorry.