If youre in your 50s and 60s what would you tell your 40 year old self?

[Baconontomato]

Just that really. I'm lacking direction and oomph and wondered will the wisdom of years help! What should I know about my 40s? I'm a SAHM with young children and a v stale marriage.
Does life get better?

Go to slimming world if you want to but don't get too hung up about your weight or appearance. Life won't change for the better if you loose a stone-Its better just to focus on bringing pleasure into your life in small ways.

• you're not old (repeat until you believe it)
• keep trying new things
• be comfortable in your own skin
• don't think you're too old to get pregnant accidentally
• on a personal note I would have told myself to LTB when he knocked me up and not fallen for all the lies - you're stronger than you think

Above all enjoy it - it's a great decade of your life

Very interesting views!

That 40 is young! Enjoy it.

I wasted my forties worrying about the family, being overweight and not enjoying life enough. I let life "bog me down" my worrying didn't acheive anything and I lost my identity and my confidence. Have "something "in your life that is "yours"and if you are doing okay recognise it and be proud

Hazelbite how did you get yourself back again?

This is a fab thread, thank you. I'm 43 next week and my best friend just died last week of bowel cancer (she was 45).

I'm feeling so low but reading this has made me think about all the things I could do to get back on track - I have two lives to live now after all .

I am 62, so:
Enjoy time with your family, both children and parents. When you get to 60 it is likely that your parents will be dead and your children flown the nest.
You have plenty of time for your career and 40 is a good time for a career change.
Don't worry about being short of money - children love camping holidays and remember fun family time more than gimmicky toys.
Make sure you have your own hobbies and interests - don't be just a mother or just a career woman.

Thank you so much to all the people in their 50's and 60's who are taking the time to contribute to this thread, it's really helpful for someone who is 40 and feeling bogged down by everything.

I second the enjoy the children point. When I complain to my neighbour who is nearly 80 that I never even one night a year get my house to myself (5 children and oldest is over 30 so 3 decades of children around and counting) she says I'm lucky and she probably is right. Will I really like it when they've all one? I might though I adore my own company. Getting to 85 and living even just one night a year with no one else here seems to like a wonderful prize to look forward to although some older people hate being alone - Esther Rantzen is an example. I suppose some people like others around and others of us like being on our own.

Oh Paleo, 45 is so young. I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad this thread is helping you to feel more positive,

Bogged down is exactly right.

I would tell myself to make the most of every day and to keep fit and healthy becaus after 40 time seems to go far too fast and you notice how mortal you really are!

Yes, I was certainly busier when younger. The massive difference between having teenagers and small children is the huge amounts of extra time you have. They might grunt at you once a day but they don't need 16 hours a day childcare. Life seems a piece of cake nowadays even though I work full time.

Also studies show people are happier 50 - 70 (before ill health sets in) than younger. I suppose we just get more content with how things are. I certainly have found every decade of my life is better than the one before so far. the only thing I don't look forward to is being much older and sick. I don't even mind death but I don't want the last few years before it my parents went through when they were ill and dying (cancer, dementia, incontinence and all the rest - it was very nasty and they bore it with dignity and such a good example that I am sure that will help me when the time comes).

I am 40 but this phrase really struck me 'Does life get better?. Surely the only person that can answer that is you. I would say 'yes it can'and make things happen when I want them too. Not by cosmic ordering but by bloody hard work.

Go paleo and do Jillian DVDs. It will transform your body in a month, for real.

Think about volunteering. I do a bit and it repays in heaps, plus if thinking of getting back to work it can be like a practise.

Life really is what YOU make it. Regardless of you age.

I remember my 40s as being sooooo busy, housework and ferrying DCs about. I should have had a cleaner and slacked off on the housework. Who cares now if the windows were clean...

It's nice to have no periods now. And sex is fine though not as often. But at the start of the menopause you don't know how long any symptoms will last or how extreme they will get, so you can end up over anxious about it. I can't actually remember how long it lasted as the symptoms gradually disappeared, maybe a year or two??

Def try to develop hobbies and interests just for you.

DCs leaving home is not too bad now with txts, Skype etc

54 here. I'd have told my 40 year old self to LTB and to believe in my ability to cope on my own.

Other advice would be:
Try really hard not to catastrophise and think about worst case scenarios - the situation that ended my marriage and resulted in me having to rebuild my life completely with the princely sum of £750 to my name, was not one I would have even thought to worry about.

Whatever happens you will get through it. You don't know how strong you are until the only choice you have is to be strong.

Eat as healthily as possible, drink in moderation, exercise and invest yourself in friends you have and in making new ones. As you get older and children leave home and parents and other relatives die, you will benefit so much from having good friends around who support each other as well as having fun. If you have tried as hard as possible to maintain your body, you'll be able to do more. The saying "Use it or lose it" becomes more and more important as you get older.

Have fun - try not to take life too seriously. Keep things in perspective. The more things I've been through, the more I let everyday annoyances wash over me. I've experienced the serious illness and deaths of my parents, an ex who defrauded me, the divorce from hell, homelessness and being a witness for the prosecution against my ex. So if I get a stain on the carpet, or I prang the car, my computer plays up or I break a much loved ornament - it bothers me very little.

Be grateful for what you have and don't look to possessions and the acquisition of more possessions, to fill any holes in your life. They can't and won't.

If you are in a marriage that really isn't happy and with little hope of improvement, try and find the courage to end it. I look back and feel so bloody angry with myself for wasting so many many years with an irresponsible twat because I didn't believe in myself enough to get out.

Say yes to new experiences for both yourself and your family. Trying something new, no matter how small, keeps your mind alive and enquiring.

Forgot to say that my late 40's to present day has been the happiest time of my life so far. So I'd tell my 40 year old self that nothing is set in stone and things will get better, especially if I do what I can to change the things I'm unhappy about.

I endorse the healthy eating too. I never drank much but stopped in my 40s and eat/ate largely paleo/healthy foods and it does make you mentally happier and healthier. I think men and women go one of two ways in their 40s/50s. About 70% in the UK are now over weight - worst levels in history and that causes so much disease and bad life later on. Actually it probably kills them off as there are few old people around. I am constantly amazed on sites like The Times at how many older posters are on a huge number of daily drugs from statins to worse and I take nothing and seem a lot healthier than most.

The other thing I really appreciate now I have teenagers is getting to bed around 10 every night and sleeping for 7 - 9 hours every night (after so many years of being up with small children).

Give up sugar. Your skin and innards will thank you for it.

Seize every opportunity.

Write it Down. All your conversations with mum, aunts, dad uncles. E rey little etail. Who they were where they lived.

Go thru photo albums together, write the names of the people underneath.

Laugh....a lot!

Don't be afraid to try something new. ;-)

Great idea for a thread, and what a lot of relaxed people 40+ers are .

Watching with interest; I'm 43 & feeling very bogged down by life - have a 2 year old & P1. DP works away a lot, we have no family support & finances under strain due to childcare costs. And a crap sex life. I struggle to find me-time & am resentful.

Good to hear it does get better.