If youre in your 50s and 60s what would you tell your 40 year old self?

[Baconontomato]

Just that really. I'm lacking direction and oomph and wondered will the wisdom of years help! What should I know about my 40s? I'm a SAHM with young children and a v stale marriage.
Does life get better?

Lay down some precious memories. Go skiing or to festivals with the DCs. It's very lonely doing these things on your own when the DCs are flown and the DH is just an old man in the same room.

A lot of the things you are worrying about don't matter.

Chill! Enjoy the day to day moments with your kids.

Don't let anyone push you or your kids about-stop trying to placate people and stand up to them.

Nurture your own friends and own career as well as caring for your family. If DH becomes an old man in the same room you will have lots of other people to spend time with and you will get on with him better than if you resent him.

Make opportunities for fun.

That life gets better!! My 50s is my best decade yet.

at DH being an old man in the same room! That is exactly what mine became. Everything was same, same , same, I couldn't get him to lively himself up - and I was feeling grey and old before my time so I left.

Age 42, new mortgage , new me and after a while new (sexy) boyfriend .

Life is for living, not existing!

Actually, I'd tell myself at 39: don't move to the country when your youngest child is a baby. You think you'll be able to retrain and go back to work but opportunities for work and study are so limited, and you'll spend hours every day in the car doing school runs, leaving no time for anything in between.

Beside from that, I'd say avoid sitting down as much as poss - that aching hip doesn't have turn into crippling arthritis. In fact, the pain only comes back after periods of inactivity and too much driving.
Find out about optimum posture and movement so you're not damaging yourself with your own bad habits.
Stop worrying about what you look like - you're not especially pretty so it doesn't make much difference anyway. It doesn't matter what you look like.
Don't sink back into sugar addiction - that extra 2 stone is fun to gain, but will take several years to shift.

I'm 60 this year, and wish I had MN in my 30's. I would have LTB sooner and understood emotions and relationships better, and not put up with shit because I thought everyone else was the same.

Walk away from people who are toxic towards you.
Do stuff because you want to, not because you 'ought or should' do

Listen to your children carefully, don't do the 'in a minute, or later on' their moment to tell you something important may go.....

Don't keep clothes for best!

try to save, even a £ a week,

Yes to nurturing your skin and suncream

Yes to having good friends, you'll reach out to them when he's snoring and dribbling on the sofa watching match of the day.

Some fab advice here. The parts I am struggling with are retaining my own identity and finding friends. After nearly 5 years as a SAHM, I seem to have lost myself. I'm hoping to go back to work soon though, which may help with both.

Me too Constantvacuumer.

Bacon, do you have any plans to go back to work or retrain?

Savour every moment with your kids.
And with your parents - if they're around and you get on well.
Use a sunscreen but otherwise don't worry about wrinkles.
If you're fed up with your job, get out now. The longer you leave it, the harder it will be.
Grow your hair and wear shorts

Yes, be your own person, able to make independent decisions with your own money in your pocket because you are worth it. If you think you are worth it so will others

Be prepared to change. I had my last child at 40 and thought life would continue on the same way as always but at 56 - after living in the same area all my life - we moved from the south east to Somerset and have started a very different life. I am now 63 now retired and dd is engaged to some one she met here and I am very busy with my life.

Constant, no not at the moment but I've just seen a nice voluntary role which would fit with the school run etc and is related to an old hobby of mine.
And I'm going to sign up with SlimmingWorld too. Am inspired!
Do you have any plans?

Stop worrying about what other people think. Simplify your life. Get rid of excess stuff and bills because it just drags you down. Make sure to keep in touch with friends - and have another go at getting in touch with extended family if you haven't had time in the past - they probably would love to hear from you. Work smarter, not harder (big cliché - but trusting myself and having more confidence led to me working two days a week rather than five and having finding I had more than enough money
and I LOVE it. I agree with other posters - your 50's may be the best decade ever!

Funnily enough, I'm going back to Slimming World next week. I lost over a stone a while ago and it crept back on. I thought I could diet effectively by myself but it turns out I'm crap at that and need the weekly humiliation of weighing in to motivate me.

As for work, hopefully when the littlest one starts school in Sept. I'm going to have to dig deep and find the confidence to believe I have something to offer. If I'd forseen how being a SAHM for so would affect me, I'd have stayed employed.

• for so long

Work: living in our heads and not our bodies is a luxury. Living in our bodies when we get older becomes a priority as the buggers take longer to get better.

Remember where we came from: 'Keep Young and Beautiful' springs to mind.

Stick to the ground. If you can choose where you stand you're lucky.

Just reading back - very pleased to hear about the orgasms!

Over 50 just.

1. Divorce after 20 years was the best thing for the children and me ever..... Glad I did it.

1. No menopause symptoms even now 53. Don't bother to think about menopause until mid 50s rather than assuming in 40s it will start to happen.

1. It really paid off working full time as a lawyer for 30 years earning a lot of money in business law and was really good for the children. no women should ever pick low paid work or give up work or go part time or flexi time ever.

I am in my 50's and when i was in my 40's i was like you i.e. SAHM but in a good marriage (still good).

• Retrain/further your education.

• Take care of your skin, hair and body. Health.

-Save money /invest.

• Spend time with parents if you still have them or beloved aunts/uncles and do nice things with them going out etc because after 50's you loose them or they are too unwell to do stuff outdoors :-(.

That the menopause is liberating!! No more periods, no more hormonal ups and downs. The children have left home so look forward to the best sex of your life! Dryness, what dryness?

I would want to yell don't let those pounds creep back on.

Otherwise, it would be enjoy, it will all work out. xx

Don't forgo holidays to overpay the mortgage. Don't need to have loads of/or really expensive holidays but your kids will prefer these to whether or not you paid off the mortgage earlier.

If you want to study something, just get on with it. The time will pass anyway so you may as well start and then think about whether you want to do it whilst you're doing it.

Pay for people to do stuff as much as you can afford. I hate thinking about disruption and wasted time off decorating etc when we should have just paid someone to get it over with. I still don't practice this myself.

Experiment with hair styles and colours more. Your hair will grow so nothing is permanent. Wish I'd done that.

Hang on, things will improve.

In my head I'm still 40 so I'm finding this thread a little weird