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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have called my mother ignorant and uneducated?

83 replies

NomiMalone · 22/05/2015 10:52

And have told her that her offensive views are not welcome in my home?

They only arrived this morning FFS.

Subject came up of the bakery in N.I. (where we're from) that refused to make a cake that had a pro-gay marriage slogan.

According to my mother the bakery were in the right. Being gay is a choice, most gay people are just saying they are for attention and it's completely unnatural.

WIBU to lose it with her?

OP posts:
VacantExpression · 22/05/2015 10:54

YANBU.

madreloco · 22/05/2015 10:55

I would have said far worse. Like is being an intolerant homophobic wagon a choice too?

LadyNym · 22/05/2015 10:56

NU but might be easier to just agree to disagree to keep the peace if you know you won't change her mind. Easy for me to say as someone whose mum told her through childhood that she'd love a gay child because it would give her a change to show everyone what an awesome, tolerant, liberal mum she was!

So, totally understandable to lose it but maybe not worth the hassle.

Wolfiefan · 22/05/2015 10:56

YANBU at all. It is so sad that anyone in this day and age could feel like this.

Original poster
NomiMalone · 22/05/2015 10:59

She also said "Isn't that a bad looking woman" about a rape victim who was just on the news.

And then passive aggressively said to the dog ",Oh we aren't allowed to say what we think now are we Dog" when I gave out to her Hmm

She's not usually this much of a bitch.

OP posts:
NealCaffreysHat · 22/05/2015 11:00

YANBU at all. I would have done the same.

fortunately · 22/05/2015 11:03

God no. I'd tell mine to stfu and if she couldn't control herself she could go home.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 22/05/2015 11:05

Being gay is not a choice. Being an intolerant blinkered old grump is.

SweetAndFullOfGrace · 22/05/2015 11:08

If it were my DM (although more likely to be my DF!) I would tell her that she's more than welcome to say what she thinks and I am similarly allowed to vocally disagree with her and think she's a narrow minded bigot who is wilfully ignoring the horrible effect that opinions like hers have on other people.

coolaschmoola · 22/05/2015 11:09

It may not be a choice though Giddy. As people age apparently their filters decline and they become ruder for want of a better word. I've certainly noticed it with my mum.

Original poster
NomiMalone · 22/05/2015 11:11

She's only 59 and quite youthful.

Conversely my Dad is 70 and is fully supportive of equality and would be voting 'Yes' today if they lived in the south.

OP posts:
grannytomine · 22/05/2015 11:12

coolaschmoola, I think that is true. Personally I am planning on being very outrageous but hopefully not offensive. I have always thought outrageous old ladies were awesome and being totally outrageous is one of the few advantages of getting old. I think I might have to start soon or it might be too late.

grannytomine · 22/05/2015 11:13

NomiMalone, oh no, she is younger than me. No age is no excuse for her. You are definitely NBU.

OnlyLovers · 22/05/2015 11:15

YANBU. I'd have told her much worse too.

Off topic but I must applaud the use of the word 'wagon' in 'intolerant homophobic wagon' Grin.

peggyundercrackers · 22/05/2015 11:15

i think the bakery were right but not for the same reasons as your mum has. the bakery should be able to refuse orders in the same a way pub can refuse to serve their customers.

Original poster
NomiMalone · 22/05/2015 11:15

YY I love wagon too Grin

Adding it to my insult vocabulary!

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 22/05/2015 11:17

I was wondering about "wagon", thought it must be an Autocorrect Strikes Again situation. Is it actually a thing?

WiIdfire · 22/05/2015 11:21

I'd have asked her to tell me about the time when she 'chose' to be straight. How old was she? Had she dated girls before then? What made her 'choose' to be straight rather than gay?

HazelBite · 22/05/2015 11:22

Age is not an excuse, I have known much younger people with very intolerant views, I would guess that she has never known or has had any close contact with any gay people.

Icimoi · 22/05/2015 11:25

peggyundercrackers, no pub can refuse to serve customers for reasons that are based on discrimination against people on the grounds of race, gender, sexuality or any of the other protected characteristics set out in the Equality Act. Of course it is wrong to disobey the law.

OpheliaBitz · 22/05/2015 11:26

YANBU. I am trying to gather together all my courage so that I can finally tell my breathtakingly condescending and dismissive DF exactly where he can shove his views on Muslims, gay marriage and a few other choice topics.

I salute you, Nomi

hesterton · 22/05/2015 11:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cherryblossomsinspring · 22/05/2015 11:27

It's very upsetting to discover your parents are bigoted/homophobic/racist etc but all you can do is try to teach them a new way if thinking.

OnlyLovers · 22/05/2015 11:27

wagon is a thing, yes. Correct me if I'm wrong but I think it's mainly an Irish/northern Irish term.

Closely related, in my mind anyway, to 'baggage'.

ConkerGame · 22/05/2015 11:27

YANBU - I had a massive fight with a 'friend' yesterday about this! Drives me to distraction how blinkered and discriminatory and downright nasty people can be sometimes!!