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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallen out with MIL over manners

565 replies

WoeIsMee · 21/05/2015 15:32

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

OP posts:
outtolunchagain · 21/05/2015 18:08

What is definitely posher , any sort of pretend French is very non u , we would have been punished at my very posh girls school for saying pardon , similar to saying serviette instead of napkin or toilet instead of loo.But the reality is that all these old fashioned class things are not very relevant nowadays

outtolunchagain · 21/05/2015 18:10

Actually you should say what you mean , eg please you you repeat that as I didn't hear you .

FourEyesGood · 21/05/2015 18:10

Why can't you all just talk clearly and listen to each other? Then you'll avoid this problem altogether.Grin
FWIW, though (which, I suspect, is nothing, since you're being stubborn, OP), "pardon?" is wrong. I'm not keen on "what?" either, preferring "Sorry?" - wow, look at all of that punctuation. Blimey.

SenecaFalls · 21/05/2015 18:11

This is like a chapter out of Watching the English. Grin

Summerisle1 · 21/05/2015 18:14

Mumsnet is like going through the looking glass today!!

I like what you did there.

Wink
Maryz · 21/05/2015 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 21/05/2015 18:15

outtolunch I was watching something the other day (can't remember what now) but the character was a supposedly very upper class young woman and it was set in the 1920's and she said 'garage' pronounced like ga-rarjz in that faux French sort of way, and I immediately thought 'Research fail!' Someone from that background in that era would never have said ga-rarjz she would have said garridge!

Orangeanddemons · 21/05/2015 18:17

We say 'Eh?Yer what?' round here

drudgetrudy · 21/05/2015 18:21

"What" sounds very abrupt to my working class ears but is actually correct.
Lavatory sounds gross to me but is also the "posher" option.
Just tell your kids that different people say different things.
It seems a very petty issue to fall out with your MIL about, after all she doesn't know where they have picked up saying "pardon". It probably sounds horrible to her ears.

FuzzyWizard · 21/05/2015 18:22

I feel like lavatory has died a death now though. I know a few very posh people (think top-5 public school types) and they all, without exception say toilet. I think lavatory has come to sound a bit euphemistic and thus "common". they are all under 35 though so don't know if age is a factor. The only two people I know who say lavatory are lower-middle class housewives in their 50s. Maybe I'm in a parallel universe. I'm lower middle class and late 20s. I tend to say loo or toilet.

BertrandRussell · 21/05/2015 18:26

Someone from that background in that era would never have said ga-rarjz she would have said garridge!"

She wouldn't, you know! Never garridge ever!

That autocorrected to Farage. Never him ever, either!

JassyRadlett · 21/05/2015 18:28

I have asked her to use correct English with my children. She refuses, teaching them bad habits. It's probably a control issue that she has.

In the gentlest possible way - you are both using correct English. Neither of you is wrong, but neither of you can lay claim to being the only correct one.

They are simply different terms used by different groups to convey the same meaning.

She is not teaching your children 'bad habits' in language as such.

You both seem desperate to trach them bad habits as far as snobbery and insularity are concerned...

VivaLeBeaver · 21/05/2015 18:28

Dh tries to tell dd to say "pardon". I'm like "no, say what".

He says belly so there really is no hope for him.

GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt · 21/05/2015 18:33

I'll stick my neck out here:
WC/LMC teach their children to say pardon in order to avoid the glottal stopped, frightfully non-U "Wha'?"
A crisply enunciated WhaT with a sharp finish is a different matter.

Now all pile in with pitchforks, but be aware I am premenstrual and this was intended to be tongue in cheek.

Summerisle1 · 21/05/2015 18:33

Lavatories haven't died a death here. Why, I have two of them!

iwantgin · 21/05/2015 18:35

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/U_and_non-U_English

Topseyt · 21/05/2015 18:42

My lovely Dad (now in his eighties) used to refer to the "lavatory" when we were young children. It used to crack me up. He does say "toilet" now though, but I have never heard him say "loo", or (god forbid) "bog" or "shitter/shit-house". The cooker was also a stove, but he was the only one I ever heard refer to it like that. He was always so old-fashioned, it was really amusing.

OP, if this is not a wind-up, you are being hilariously silly.

I have had quite a few near belly sorry, tummy laughs reading through the last few pages. Surely this thread is fast heading towards the classics section?? Grin

Dawndonnaagain · 21/05/2015 18:45

Woe I have asked her to use correct English with my children. She refuses, teaching them bad habits. It's probably a control issue that she has.
You are embarrassing yourself. She has used the correct term. She is asking 'What did you say?' not asking for forgiveness, or to be pardoned. I'm sorry it's so confusing, but she really is using the correct term and you are digging yourself an extraordinarily large hole.

Dawndonnaagain · 21/05/2015 18:45

Oh, and a serviette is the cloth a waiter has over his sleeve, it is not a napkin.

HamishBamish · 21/05/2015 18:48

I was always taught to say 'pardon' as a child, but DH was brought up saying 'what'. Our children say 'what', but it does make me cringe a bit as it's so ingrained in me that it's rude.

TeenageWildlife · 21/05/2015 18:53

Gilbert. That's entirely right. Too much wine to type that out on iPad.

Have terribly posh friend who only uses bog. Loo is becoming the new "pardon", people trying hard not to say "toilet"

If you say any of this to DH, he will leave you.

But is a wind up for sure, Thursday being the new Friday.

Iggi999 · 21/05/2015 18:57

Dawndonna it really isn't "correct", it's just a different word. It's not like a grammatical rule that has only one right approach.
Where did the word "loo" come from anyway? Is it not a dodgy French term too, why is it right and serviette viewed as wrong?

Orangeanddemons · 21/05/2015 18:57

I like bog. It's unpretentious

Sallystyle · 21/05/2015 18:58

My MIL keeps telling mine not to say the word bum as it is horrible and they should say bottom.

Water off a duck's back. If she wants to call it a bottom go ahead. I will still use bum here. Not that I use the word all that much.

She is much posher than me and says a lot of words I would never use and attempts to get mine to use posher words. I can't be arsed to care.

QueenBean · 21/05/2015 18:58

I like the suggestion best that the children say "what what"