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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Fallen out with MIL over manners

565 replies

WoeIsMee · 21/05/2015 15:32

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

OP posts:
Sallystyle · 21/05/2015 19:02

I don't have a lounge, I have a front room, although technically it is the back room.

I have a couch and serviettes and I am as common as muck probably.

StupidBloodyKindle · 21/05/2015 19:11

OP
Much as I say pardon and my kids say pardon actually that's a lie, they say wie bitte?
you really cannot fight overthis if you are genuine.
Choose your battles wisely. This ain't one.
Either she uses Sorry? or What did you say?
But saying it's not what, it's pardon is not going to help your rapport.
On top of that, whilst I am surprised at just how posh/informed MN is, Wink I started doing a headcount as a joke and it's about 90% what 10% what da fuck.

ilovesooty · 21/05/2015 19:23

Why on earth would anyone name change for a thread like this?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 21/05/2015 19:27

psst sooty... is this my cue? Blush

Topseyt · 21/05/2015 19:30

Orange, I would say "bog" too.

I suppose the right terminology when you are out and about and looking for the facilities is toilet though. Signposts in public places tend to say "toilets", if they don't just use the ladies/gents icons. I have never been in a public place and seen them signposted as "bog", "shitter", "loo" or anything like that. I wouldn't mind if they were though. Grin

I guess I am really rather uncouth.

Izzy24 · 21/05/2015 19:31

sooty
Because it's a tedious wind up.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/05/2015 19:33

Depends on what you're brought up with, doesn't it. I was always taught to say "Pardon" instead of "What?" because "What?" sounds rude and abrupt.

I mostly use "Sorry?" if I don't hear something though - as in "Sorry, I didn't hear that, could you please repeat it?"

"What?" still sounds rude and mannerless to me and I won't be teaching my children to use it, regardless of what the upper echelons of society believe.

SonceyD0g · 21/05/2015 19:35

I would rather my children said fuck than pardon.as I once told my mil when one of them said what did you say and she tried to correct them by saying you should say pardon not what. Her face was a picture! But in your house you should say what feels right to you. It's not that important to have a row over.

YouMakeMyHeartSmile · 21/05/2015 19:35

Yep, still convinced it's a wind up. OP's posts don't ring true!

Coyoacan · 21/05/2015 19:36

Hahahaha. Haven't read the entire thread, OP, but gosh your children are quick learners.
I must admit I always thought pardon was the correct word but never could bloody train myself to say it and I'm a grandmother.

NurNochKurzDieWeltRetten · 21/05/2015 19:41

I'm the only one who speaks English to my dc ... I asked them what we say when we haven'theard the other person properly... apparently we say "Speak clearly darling" Blush

Erm

I think I'd say "Sorry I ddidn't hear you" or "What did you say".

I'ma bit mixed though having ddeliberately rejected my slightly Hyacinth mother's pardon/ serviette/settee.. and loo... I say napkin/ sofa or couch and always toilet - rejected one set of mixed indicators for an equally mixed set.

rembrandtsrockchick · 21/05/2015 19:45

Your mother in law is right. Pardon is terribly common!

My own late unlamented mother in law would have been horrified if her grandchildren were being brought up to say "pardon".

How very lower class.

kickassangel · 21/05/2015 19:45

My DD got corrected for saying what to a lady at the National Trust. I very nearly drew myself up to say, " if the queen can say what, so can my daughter." But then I decided not to make a tit of myself.

CheeseandGherkins · 21/05/2015 19:47

What is right and pardon is wrong, so you are wrong.

Yarp · 21/05/2015 19:47

In our house we advise:

"Don't say 'What?' say 'Eh?"

AtomicDog · 21/05/2015 19:49

How To Get On In Society by John Betjeman

Phone for the fish knives, Norman
As cook is a little unnerved;
You kiddies have crumpled the serviettes
And I must have things daintily served.

Are the requisites all in the toilet?
The frills round the cutlets can wait
Till the girl has replenished the cruets
And switched on the logs in the grate.

It's ever so close in the lounge dear,
But the vestibule's comfy for tea
And Howard is riding on horseback
So do come and take some with me.

Now here is a fork for your pastries
And do use the couch for your feet;
I know what I wanted to ask you-
Is trifle sufficient for sweet?

Milk and then just as it comes dear?
I'm afraid the preserve's full of stones;
Beg pardon, I'm soiling the doileys
With afternoon tea-cakes and scones.

FlabbyFlabbyBits · 21/05/2015 19:50

Just been searching for 'pardon' and 'what' and found this! Apologies if it's already been mentioned!

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/pedants_corner/441141-saying-pardon-or-what

SonceyD0g · 21/05/2015 19:51

Just read a bit more of the thread is the op the op of penis beaker? One of the funniest things I've ever read.
I like Kazi for the loo but never taught it to my children!

SanityClause · 21/05/2015 19:56

PigletJohn

On the subject of manners, it is frightfully bad form to sneer at someone who uses words that are not the same as the words one uses oneself."

...isn't this exactly what the OP is doing/ proposing to do, though?

Yes, so it was ironic that the OP took it to justify her stance.

BitOfFun · 21/05/2015 19:59

Good manners really boil down to showing respect and consideration for other people and putting them at their ease, rather than which fork you use, or whatever arbitrary linguistic form you choose to obsess about.

I'd have a think about where telephoning your mother-in-law to upbraid her fits in with that definition, if manners are really what you care about.

Dawndonnaagain · 21/05/2015 20:00

Iggi. Grammatically, it's correct. Sorry. As I say, it's 'What did you say?", not I beg your pardon I did something wrong. You are asking a legitimate question, not begging for forgiveness.
Yes, Loo came from the French, L'eau.

emms1981 · 21/05/2015 20:04

my son is hard of hearing and says pardon, I would hate him to say what

GrrrrrBear · 21/05/2015 20:06

I think it's frightfully bad manners to criticise someone over something really petty when they have looked after your DC for you.

misskatamari · 21/05/2015 20:06

Gosh, I find it really quite horrible that so many people on this thread look down on someone and judge them, just because they use the word pardon.

Rainbunny · 21/05/2015 20:08

I must have been overseas for too long because the topic of this thread seems absolutely ridiculous to me.

Okay, I'll bite. I'm a "sorry, what?" type but I wouldn't think anything of someone saying "pardon," after all the intent is to be polite even if the word is horribly common for some people's ears.