Fallen out with MIL over manners

[WoeIsMee]

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

It's a loo murmuration. Maybe lavatory. Bog. Toilet is commonly used though to be fair

I say toilet, lounge and pardon.

Because I don't fucking care

On the subject of manners, it is frightfully bad form to sneer at someone who uses words that are not the same as the words one uses oneself.

Well said piglet there is some terrible snobbery on this thread.

Going to wait for DH to come home. I'm thinking that I will confront her, but kindly.
I have actually mentioned this to her before, which is why it's annoyed me now because she's intentionally going against my wishes for MY children. I think she might have thought I was joking before though which is why I feel I should mention it again before it snowballs.

Thank you for the polite replies.

Wind up?

It's 'what' or 'I beg your pardon'.

But what are you going to confront her about Woe? She hasn't actually done anything wrong. As many people on this thread have said, pardon is considered to be less polite/incorrect by lots of people. Can you not just explain to your children that some people say x and some say y?

That's... brave of you, Woe.

What are the chances that she'll say, 'Oh gosh, my dear, you're sooo right'?

Or maybe she'll just say 'What?'

" I feel I should mention it again before it snowballs"

Into?....what terrible situation could possibly come from your DC using a different phrase with her than with you?

What has she done wrong?

I have asked her to use correct English with my children. She refuses, teaching them bad habits. It's probably a control issue that she has.

I'm not sure how I can be any clearer?

And cab people please stop with the wind up crap?

Taking at Face Value now - maybe the MIL has form for disregarding stuff? In which case the advice usually is: engage formal childcare and visit the relative as a family or last resort is to cut contact blah blah.

It's a control issue that you have, OP. Stop it. You're sounding ridiculous.

You don't have rights of veto over your children either, not if you want them to have a relationship with their grandmother. Please don't take this to the wire because you sound as if you wouldn't recognise the breaking point if it bit you on the bum.

If I were your husband, I'd tell you the same and I'd be that you needed to ask.

Nevermind Grandma's - wait til they come back from school residentials!

My mil is a committed beg your pardon \ doily\ china figurine \ settee person. I wince internally as I am sure she does at my ways. I draw the line at having my children taught pardon though.

But it is correct English...whether you believe it is 'classier' to use pardon or not doesn't change what to incorrect English.

Besides, common people (like me, I don't even say sofa or settee, it's a couch) say what, people who want to be posh say pardon so nobody mistakes them for common people and really posh people say what, because no one is ever going to confuse them with common people.

Ah, the classic what vs. pardon debate. It's all about class anxiety really.

I remember being corrected when I said "what" in my primary school in London. I felt very embarrassed for saying the "wrong" thing. Imagine my surprise when (many years later) I discovered that "what" was actually the posh option in England. I do not have posh origins. I am not even English.

But the question may really be: What would the Fresh Prince say?

Right and wrong doesn't come into it. 'What' is posher than 'pardon', but the only way to deal with this sort of thing with your children is to use what you're most comfortable with.

Making a big fuss either way is a bit arseish to be honest.

I'm sure others have said this, but to be absolutely "U" (as in Nancy Mitford U), you're wrong & your MiL is right.

Saying 'pardon' is so I was taught rather lower-middle class.

YABU. "Pardon" is a much worse word than "fuck".

I think we all really need to know how your MIL pronounces scone, OP, as Maryz asks.

And, more pertinently perhaps, how you pronounce it.

Pardon is as wrong to 'what' as serviette is to 'napkin'

Ooo I love that! Can I add:

Pardon is to what, as sofa is to settee, or lounge is to sitting room, or toilet is to lavatory.

OP have a look at Kate Fox's book, Watching the English. THat'll explain it to you. Or Debrett's. Or Fowler's.

Hate the word 'pardon' which always sounds quite old-fashioned and very naff to me. And I am lower middle class! (I think)

I use 'sorry' when being polite, and 'what' at home.