Fallen out with MIL over manners

[WoeIsMee]

I'm really annoyed. I've NC for this.

My MIL had my children today and they've come back saying 'what' instead of 'pardon.' This is because mil told them that 'what' is correct which is clearly wrong - it's 'pardon.'

I'm really annoyed as correct manners are so important, also it's undermined me.

WIBU to ring her and tell her she's wrong and ask her to tell the children that she was wrong?

This thread is very funny

I was brought up by my working class parents to say pardon. I was corrected if I said what. What would be responded to with "don't say what say pardon."

However it isn't the correct way to respond. The correct way is to say "what".

I can't bring myself to say "what" though after all those year and so I say "sorry?"

Yabu and so is she!!

I say 'hah?'-something I didn't realise until my 2yo started it and I wondered where the hell he got such a terrible habit!!!

Ha. Love the way this forum thinks in complete opposite to MN... forum.wordreference.com/threads/sorry-excuse-me-pardon-what-when-didnt-hear.76484/

Dh informs me that a teacher was sacked fron his prep school for being wholly unsuitable. One way in which she irked all the posh parents was by instructing them to say pardon instead of what, so when all the little boys went home for the summer hols they offended the sensibilities of their parents by using this uncouth word. Parents complained. Apparently she was northern (the horror, the horror)

I would say eh? Or you what? But then, I am both northern and common.

Stephen Fry had a story like that in his autobiography! Only I think his was a matron.

"what" is right and polite, "pardon" isn't. Awkward.

Come again? does always make me snigger in a v teenage fashion...

My dniece goes to a private school and we always laugh because she spends her life saying "Pudummmee".

But pardon is just ghastly!

Your MiL has done you a huge favour.

Thinking about it more, surely "pardon" is the royal "pardon" if that is the right expression. Like if there has been a miscarriage of justice and the person wrongfully jailed is "pardoned". You don't hear of the royal "what?"

So OP is trying to teach her children to pardon her or each other from some terrible misdemeanour, not asking for a repeat because they didn't hear what was said.

Anyway OP, if you are for real, what did your DH have to say about your disagreement with his mother? Has he agreed with so many of us on here that it is a non-issue, and is that why you haven't been back?

"I didn't quite catch that." is better than "What?"

Hate the word pardon. Was always taught to say what.

"I didn't quite catch that." is better than "What?"

It's not really, you know. It's just longer.

You are wrong.

And your outraged indignation is quite funny because of this.

She's obviously upper or upper middle class using what and you're lower or lower middle class using pardon.

My mother in law uses pardon and she's aspiring middle class. Think mrs bouquet AKA mrs bucket

This must be a comedy thread

Everyone knows that pardon is laughable

I had no idea that "what?" is posher than "pardon?" - I must be very common. My Grandmother (not posh but would have liked to be) would be horrified by "what?" and I have been telling my children to say pardon. "What?" sounds very rude to me.

Dh is a lot posher than I am (his family say "supper"!) and he too thinks "what" is rude and has never heard of it being the posher option!

"What?" sounds very rude to me.

A lot of the U/non-U distinctions are between direct, straightforward language and pretentious attempts to ponce things up. House (U) v Home (non-U). Die (U) v Pass On (non-U).

Dawndonnaagain

Actually loo originated in 'lieu des anglaises' because the English used one and the French didn't.

OP don't complain to mil. Can't you just explain to the boys that different people say different things

Good lord, I didn't know this was a thing of debate.

I feel rude saying "what" but will say "what darling?" to my children or husband, because it somehow doesn't sound rude with the darling bit (!), and if it were someone else I might say "what was that?" but in a slightly apologetic voice or perhaps "sorry, what?" again in a "nice" voice so it doesn't sound abrupt because I can't quite bring myself to say pardon for some reason, because it feels wrong, for reasons I can't fathom.

I've never really had to correct my children because they say "what did you say?" in a gorgeous child like voice so it doesn't sound rude, just like a perfectly reasonable question so I've never intervened.

Very thought provoking! I am not British by the way so I don't know anything about the posh/not thing and have no preconceived notions about it in relation to this issue...

It's the twee try hard impression that pardon/lounge/doily give that puts me off. Hyacinth bouquet type behaviour.

That said am baffled by op feeling the need to name change!

littlejohnnydory I can't bear the word "supper". It really makes me cringe.

Ah, I asked if loo had French origins as another poster suggested that it was the faux frenchness of pardon and serviette that people didn't like. So that seemed interesting.
Dawndonna I still can't agree - you say "what" is grammatically correct as it's (short for) "What did you say?" But I say pardon is short for "pardon me for not hearing you" (or often not listening, in my case!)
I'm quite happy to accept that different people use different words, but there is not one - in this instance - that is right and one wrong, only what different groups prefer.