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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make an official accusation of bullying?

142 replies

Jonesing4Jones · 21/05/2015 15:23

I'm in my final year of a degree program. I like to get really involved in lectures as it helps me learn so I sit by myself at the front and often answer questions and make comments etc, basically just generally engage with the lecturers. I have often heard low level sniggering but I ignore it.
This morning we had a group session and the tutorer said that we could either go home early or stay and discuss our topics and asked for a show of hands. I raised my hand to stay and assumed I wouldn't be the only one but I was. The lecturer then said that as someone had expressed a wish to carry on with the session they had to make everyone stay. I was mortified and said I'd changed my mind and people shouldn't be made to stay for me but they wouldn't go back on it. So a mutter of "for fucks sake" etc was echoing around the room and I felt awful. Anyway as the session progressed I answered questions and stayed involved like I normally do and at the end I told one of my experiences (the tutor had asked for one). What I hadn't realised is that she had said "if nobody has anymore to say we can pack up". I genuinely didn't get that bit and waffled on with my story :( Anyway afterwards I was walking behind a group of women and they were being incredibly nasty saying "she does my fucking head in" and "she obviously has had a shag in a while and wants to shag the lecturer" etc etc. When they realised I was there they all ran off laughing. I've since realised that a number of underhand 'sly' discussions on facebook referring to a person named "Lisa" is actually on about me.

We have 12 weeks to go. Do I say something or just stick the rest of it out? I'm in my 40s, the majority of these women/girls are in their early 20s.

OP posts:

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 23/05/2015 14:57

Muskey... Education is wasted on the young? Really? You seem very out of touch and unaware of how rude you sound.

Being self-absorbed is not a good thing when you have to interact with other people and allow them to learn whilst learning yourself. That's very basic really.

Pixellator · 23/05/2015 14:58

You must have crossed posts with me Venetiaswirl, agree with you too!

moonshine · 23/05/2015 15:10

If you're in the final year, how come you're not doing exams at the moment and still have 12 weeks left?

cuntycowfacemonkey · 23/05/2015 15:17

Not all courses have exams in the final year moonshine

moonshine · 23/05/2015 15:20

Fair enough, although I thought all courses had just about finished now (well they have at my Uni). And I'm feeling slightly cynical because 1) OP hasn't been back b) how did she know about the comment she didn't actually hear c) it's the start of half-term.

mr405 · 23/05/2015 15:48

As a young adult currently studying for a degree it's rather annoying to be referred to as immature, only wish is to get drunk/laid and that education is wasted on me... I, like most of my peers at university are aware that we are paying £9000 a year for our degree and are likely to be in debt for most, if not all of our lives and therefore want to get the best out of it.

The girls behaviour in the OP isn't just that of 'young adults', I've seen plenty of examples on here of similar stuff with women of all ages. I do sympathise OP, it's nasty to hear that kind of thing and they really shouldn't have been saying it.

Being a Lisa isn't the way to go about though. It can be so detrimental to the rest of the group, as explained on many posts on this thread. If I need or want to contact my tutor, I do so via email or during office hours, if my tutor isn't interested/ a bit shit (sadly has happened) I have an Academic Advisor I go to. OP do you do this too or are you simply using the group time for your own needs?

It's very frustrating when someone is waffling on with their own story or irrelevant questions, especially if your timetable is back to back and you have somewhere else you need to be. Whilst it sounds like the tutor didn't handle this session particularly appropriately I do wonder if OP is so oblivious to everyone else it was difficult for the tutor to step in and cut her short?

Favouritethings · 23/05/2015 16:47

Hope that you're okay op. Try not to feel too down about this. Only 12 weeks left xxx

DaveMinion · 23/05/2015 17:16

Laughing at this as I was probably a lisa and my name is actually lisa haha.

cuntycowfacemonkey · 23/05/2015 17:19

Ah well Dave at least you're not a Wendy!

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 23/05/2015 17:24

Haha I think Lisa and Wendy probably deserve one another. I wonder if 'doing a Lisa' or 'I've been Lisa'ed' will now take its place in the MN lexicon along with being Wendied and T-Rexing?

Yarp · 23/05/2015 17:26

Can we have a name for the nasty students though?

We don't actually know the OP is a Lisa, do we?

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 23/05/2015 17:31

Bo her name isn't Lisa as far as I am aware, I think it was a made up reference they used to bitch about her, or perhaps she changed her own name to Lisa for the sake of this thread.

AliceLidl · 23/05/2015 17:48

Yarp is right, we don't know the OP is a Lisa in the way that people on this thread have been talking about their Lisa's.

Pretty much all she has said is that she answers questions when they are asked, engages with the lecturer, didn't want to finish early, and then when the lecturer asked if anyone wanted to share an experience, she did so, then realised that they would have been packing up if she hadn't.

The lecturer sounds more to blame to me.

If the OP is being a Lisa in the way suggested here, the lecturer should have been managing that.

If she isn't behaving as people have described here, the lecturer should be doing their job during lesson time, not telling everyone to leave early, taking votes on it, or asking people to share an experience and then saying if they don't share they can leave.

The lecturer is pretty much setting the OP up to be bitched about if they are so inconsistent about what they want from their students.

DaveMinion · 23/05/2015 17:49

I knew a Wendy. Glad to have got rid of her. My life is better without. We don't deserve each other.

Squeakycleansparkle · 23/05/2015 18:53

I had a Lisa on my first degree course, a bloke called Brian or Reg or something. He just wanted to talk and interject and it drove us crackers. I see it differently with 20 years postgrad life under my belt. OP, try sitting on the back row and ask the same questions. I suspect the distance and the amount you'd have to shout, will help to form a useful filter. But don't give up!

madeitagain · 23/05/2015 21:44

I can see both sides. As a student years ago I can remember wanting to leave a lecture promptly. I still like to get out of meetings without too much mucking around. Some of the meetings I go to now there is sometimes one or more people who persist with questions, comments and so on and it can be annoying. However I can only imagine how hurt you must have been, and if as you say, your questions are ernest and to the point I think you must be understandably upset. I would grit my teeth and finish the course and maybe reflect on your behaviour (however well intended it may be).

AChickenCalledKorma · 23/05/2015 22:15

Lisa = Lisa Simpson surely?

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