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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To make an official accusation of bullying?

142 replies

Jonesing4Jones · 21/05/2015 15:23

I'm in my final year of a degree program. I like to get really involved in lectures as it helps me learn so I sit by myself at the front and often answer questions and make comments etc, basically just generally engage with the lecturers. I have often heard low level sniggering but I ignore it.
This morning we had a group session and the tutorer said that we could either go home early or stay and discuss our topics and asked for a show of hands. I raised my hand to stay and assumed I wouldn't be the only one but I was. The lecturer then said that as someone had expressed a wish to carry on with the session they had to make everyone stay. I was mortified and said I'd changed my mind and people shouldn't be made to stay for me but they wouldn't go back on it. So a mutter of "for fucks sake" etc was echoing around the room and I felt awful. Anyway as the session progressed I answered questions and stayed involved like I normally do and at the end I told one of my experiences (the tutor had asked for one). What I hadn't realised is that she had said "if nobody has anymore to say we can pack up". I genuinely didn't get that bit and waffled on with my story :( Anyway afterwards I was walking behind a group of women and they were being incredibly nasty saying "she does my fucking head in" and "she obviously has had a shag in a while and wants to shag the lecturer" etc etc. When they realised I was there they all ran off laughing. I've since realised that a number of underhand 'sly' discussions on facebook referring to a person named "Lisa" is actually on about me.

We have 12 weeks to go. Do I say something or just stick the rest of it out? I'm in my 40s, the majority of these women/girls are in their early 20s.

OP posts:

Amummyatlast · 21/05/2015 16:32

While they shouldn't be rude, I often found that the students who kept waffling were the ones who didn't understand the subject and had to ask for clarification over every little thing, when it had been perfectly obvious to the rest of us. And while everyone is entitled to ask for clarification, it gets very wearing if it continually prevents the lecturer from moving on to the next point. Alternatively, they might want to go into far more depth than was actually required for the course that they were on, which then limited the time available for the topics that were relevant.

ClumsyNinja · 21/05/2015 16:35

Ignore the comments from the silly immature girls OP. They're treating the lectures like school and counting the minutes until break time.

You'll completely forget all their names soon enough so just keep your head down and focus on completing your degree and getting excellent results.

Best of luck!

TedAndLola · 21/05/2015 16:39

We had a mature student on my first degree course who sounds very similar. It was very irritating because she would hold up the lecture while we all listened to her personal anecdotes or irrelevant questions, which she should have stayed behind to talk to the lecturer about.

However, she was actually part of our friendship group and we never mentioned it to her, let alone swore at her and tried to make her feel bad. We realised it was just her way and she wasn't trying to be annoying.

I doubt putting in a formal accusation of bullying will help at all, just suck it up for the rest of the course.

KayEffCee · 21/05/2015 16:40

Can't believe some of the nasty, rude replies on this thread!

OP just ignore the nasty students. Carry on as you are!

The5DayChicken · 21/05/2015 16:56

I'm probably a mild Lisa. But I bring myself in check when I realise that I'm taking up other people's time for no real reason talking about something they're not finding helpful.

Have an honest think about it...Do you monopolise the lectures? Slow down progress? Could you be dwelling on points that the rest of the class have long ago grasped?

If not, fuck 'em. But if you are, it might be worth booking some additional one to one time with your lecturer instead.

Chillyegg · 21/05/2015 16:58

Wow some of these replies are bloody rude!

Enthusiastic input is great! Monopolisation or "argueing" with a lecturer is annoying for everyone else. I had a Lisa on my course but the lecturer managed courses and sessions in an effective way so as to not alienate anyone. Rudeness from others is not necessary.

Mrsstarlord · 21/05/2015 16:59

I did a degree when I was in my early 20s / late teens - I did the bare minimum to get by and enjoyed the extra curricular learning more. Ten years later I did another degree and was Lisa, ten years on I'm the lecturer! Everyone is different, perhaps try and be a little more aware of others, so there is a bit more give and take, arrange to meet the lecturer for a one to one if you are keen to chat further and let the younger students enjoy their last 3 months of freedom while you enjoy your last three months of learning

TedAndLola · 21/05/2015 17:01

Enthusiastic input is great! Monopolisation or "argueing" with a lecturer is annoying for everyone else.

This is very true. I wonder if the Lisas are aware when they have crossed the line? I don't think our Lisa was... I do think part of it was showing off, as she was 40-something and the rest of us were fresh out of college. I think she wanted to show off her life experience and knowledge. But I think the rest of it was her being so thrilled to be taking a degree and changing her career, and her enthusiasm made her forget there were 70 other students in the room who just wanted to hear from the lecturer, and not her.

Mrsstarlord · 21/05/2015 17:04

I also think that your lecturer could deal more mindfully with the situation too.

aquashiv · 21/05/2015 17:05

They sound horrid. I would not call this bullying though. Just shows how some can be educated yet thick

RubieWoo · 21/05/2015 17:32

What stopped the little shits from walking out the lecture hall?

Theycallmemellowjello · 21/05/2015 17:43

Poor you, no one likes hearing themselves being bitched about. They should have been a lot more discreet. But I don't think it's bullying - I doubt they meant for you to overhear. If it bothers you I'd actually just have a quiet word with one of them that you'd prefer that you weren't discussed on fb. They'll be mortified. And stick to answering questions in the lectures - constantly chipping in at other times is inappropriate and unfair to other students.

DoreyBlue · 21/05/2015 17:45

It should be lisa that walks out and let everyone else get on with the lecture.

RubieWoo · 21/05/2015 17:49

^^They could have walked out at the end.

DoreyBlue · 21/05/2015 17:51

If lisa ever let the lecture end ...

BeeRayKay · 21/05/2015 17:57

I have a Lisa on my course, and to be honest. It's really annoying.

My time is just as precious as hers, but instead of allowing the tutor to get on with the lecture, and therefore answering her other questions, she interjects continuously and funnily enough is always the one to hand in assignments before the due date (in some cases before the relevant lecture) and then bitch that the tutor hasn't handed hers back immediately.

It's really annoying.

It is possible to be interested and engaged without infuriating people.

RubieWoo · 21/05/2015 18:01

You can leave the lecture at ANY TIME. If they didn't want to stay even though the lecturer said they had to, they could have got up and on their way. The lecturer wasn't holding a gun to their head were they? They're not in school. It's a university.

FromSeaToShining · 21/05/2015 18:02

The other students sound rude and immature. It would not be out of order for you to approach the lecturer directly, especially about their behaviour during the lecture.

However, as a university lecturer I have found that some students try to monopolise the discussion. This can be quite a tricky situation to handle, as one wants to encourage the student to participate but not to the detriment of the other students who may wish to join the discussion. It can be a delicate balance to strike.

viva100 · 21/05/2015 18:04

Yabu. We had a couple of Lisa's too and we weren't annoyed because we were acting like children who count the minutes until break time. It was because most of us had understood the point and wanted to listen to the lecturer, not someone asking irrelevant/easy questions or, worst of all, make comments! Yes, you are paying for the course but so is everyone else. Occasionally asking a question or commenting once is fine. Do it every lecture and you won't just be annoying but also make it difficult for others to follow the lecture. If you have questions, stay behind or make an appointment with the lecturer. That's what the rest of us did.

Muskey · 21/05/2015 18:04

I know how you feel I was a mature student (I graduated two years ago) but was lucky enough to have a group of mature students to study with who were such a good bunch of people to be with. Education like many things is actually wasted on the young. I am sure the lectures are thankful that I have some one like you in their classes I am positive they need interaction as much as you do

Good luck and keep going

SoozeyHoozey · 21/05/2015 18:08

One thing to consider: if everyone interacted as much as you, would there even be enough time for the lecture itself? You might be unfairly monopolising the lecturer's time and dominating the sessions to such a degree that it feels like the Lisa Show rather than an opportunity for everyone to learn equally. I'd tone it down and save long winded contributions or questions till after the lecture. You could potentially be acting quite selfishly. You're not there for one to one tuition, it's a group session. You're not more important than the others.

Diamond23 · 21/05/2015 18:08

Sorry OP but it sounds like you're monopolising lectures and the others are there too. You need to be polite.

Ime the people who monopolise don't get higher marks or do any better so don't look down on them.

Anyway what would you do? You're adults at uni. Who would you report them to for taking the piss behind your back?

EmeraldThief · 21/05/2015 18:10

We also had a "Lisa" on our course. She wasn't a mature student though she was one of the younger ones, very straight laced and serious. She ended up pretty alienated from the rest of the group because as well as behaving like the OP and monopolising the lectures she was also actually quite rude.

WitchesGlove · 21/05/2015 18:14

I'm sorry this happened to you, OP.

I dropped out of uni aged 22 because people were nasty to me- for the opposite reason- they thought I was too quiet. So called me weird etc.

It upset me so much and I'm ashamed to say I let them win.

It goes to show you can't win with immature uni students.

I wouldn't complain so near the end, but please have a word with your tutor if you have one or the lecturer involved. Explain how it made you feel.

hesterton · 21/05/2015 18:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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