To make an official accusation of bullying?

[Jonesing4Jones]

I'm in my final year of a degree program. I like to get really involved in lectures as it helps me learn so I sit by myself at the front and often answer questions and make comments etc, basically just generally engage with the lecturers. I have often heard low level sniggering but I ignore it.
This morning we had a group session and the tutorer said that we could either go home early or stay and discuss our topics and asked for a show of hands. I raised my hand to stay and assumed I wouldn't be the only one but I was. The lecturer then said that as someone had expressed a wish to carry on with the session they had to make everyone stay. I was mortified and said I'd changed my mind and people shouldn't be made to stay for me but they wouldn't go back on it. So a mutter of "for fucks sake" etc was echoing around the room and I felt awful. Anyway as the session progressed I answered questions and stayed involved like I normally do and at the end I told one of my experiences (the tutor had asked for one). What I hadn't realised is that she had said "if nobody has anymore to say we can pack up". I genuinely didn't get that bit and waffled on with my story :( Anyway afterwards I was walking behind a group of women and they were being incredibly nasty saying "she does my fucking head in" and "she obviously has had a shag in a while and wants to shag the lecturer" etc etc. When they realised I was there they all ran off laughing. I've since realised that a number of underhand 'sly' discussions on facebook referring to a person named "Lisa" is actually on about me.

We have 12 weeks to go. Do I say something or just stick the rest of it out? I'm in my 40s, the majority of these women/girls are in their early 20s.

It's never nice to hear people being horrible about you but from what you've said, they didn't intend for you to hear.

They could deal with it in the proper way or officially, but truthfully, would it make you feel any better to be pulled aside by a lecturer and told "Lisa, we have 25 students who've complained that you take over lectures and seem to monopolize lecturers' time"?

I got a better degree than the Lisa on my course

Oh and the irony was on my course- the thoughtless, monopolising people were really popular! Ffs!

My DD finished her degree last year and often complained to me about the "Lisa" on her course. She and her friends were never unpleasant to her, in fact I think they were possibly the only group who was friendly to her, but they did find the constant comments and questions excessive. As others have said, there is a difference between participating and monopolising which you may be confusing. Remember they have paid for the course too

viva100
Yes, you are paying for the course but so is everyone else

I think for some Lisas it's not even about " getting the most from the course" - some Lisas think they are delivering the course.

Ageism is OK when the subject is twenty years younger than you then, Mumsnet?

Wow,there are some really rude comments on here!
OP just ignore them and it will be over soon enough
Good luck!

This isn't bullying. You are getting on their nerves by being a bit of a needy teacher's pet, and they are entitled to express their irritation at that. They didn't mean for you to overhear them and it's unfortunate that you did, but they are not bullying you. To take this further will do more to prove their point than it will to prove yours.

They shouldn't be rude to you, but I have also had someone who liked the sound of their own voice on a uni course and it is very annoying for everyone else! I was very glad she wasn't in any of my other modules.

Oh I don't know. I have adjusted my teaching practice to deal with (many a) Lisa. Lisa needs to hear from other people, and other people need to contribute. Maybe think of it as a developing a new skill OP - especially in a tutorial. Learn to sit through the silence (think about something else maybe). Not every time, but just now and again.

I would not reccomend an "official" complaint about bullying. It is hard to say but seems very OTT, and I think it will just upset you even more in the long run (I promise that it will escalate with mums, dads and the family pet getting involved). Concentrate on your degree instead. You can always talk it through your module tutor, year tutor, whoever you feel is approachable.

Also (I am not so good at this myself) but criticism - even when you were not meant to hear - can be an opportunity for self-reflection? There is always a chance that you are annoying (we've all been there) and need to curb your enthusiasm.

Bit of both really. I'm a mature student and I sometimes ask the teacher questions but I never bore other students with personal anecdotes and my tutor wouldn't and doesn't let that happen.

I think if you were making a short and to the point comment that would have been fine, but by your own admission you "waffled on with my story" and I think you should try to be more self-aware and considerate of others.

Equally, I think your coursemates should have the maturity to explain to you in an assertive and non-aggressive way how your behaviour impacts on your ability to learn and not do it in such a nasty way.

We had Lisas on my first degree, I felt very differently about them when I then did a second undergraduate degree a few years later! But it sounds like you crossed the line into irritating for everyone today. Did you not notice that the lecturer was desperate to get away? They couldn't stop if people wanted to carry on and you did. On and on. So they might have missed that funding application deadline or seeing their child's school assembly. Nice.

God, OP

I was once one of those immature 20 year olds sniggering a bit at the overly-keen mature students

I would not have behaved as those girls did but I did a fair amount of eye rolling to myself

It's juvenile, and they have no idea

BUT

I'm also a bit of a keeno now, and I am uncomfortably aware that it can be motivated by showing off a bit. Occasionally. Could this be the case with you?

hesterton

It's interesting what you say. I think others sometimes rely on me to ask questions or make suggestions in meetings, but I'm busy biting my lip half the time!

Me again!

I think sometimes, as I failed to mention in the first of my interjections (ironic) that what I interpreted as being show-offy in my twenties, was actually a mature person, who had given up something to do their course and was passionate about it. Unlike some of us who'd just drifted there

I've just finished uni and had a Lisa in my class.

It's bloody annoying, especially when you have somewhere far more important to be, and you're stuck listening to someone drone on and on about something that isn't hugely relevant.

I wouldn't bitch on facebook but I'd probably sigh and huff.

Then again I'm an immature, juvenile 20 year old so what do I know?

Oh god I had a Lisa on a work course a few weeks ago.

Nightmare.

No one wants to hear your anecdotes.

Why did the lecturer keep everyone behind? That's out of order.

They couldn't stop if people wanted to carry on and you did. On and on. So they might have missed that funding application deadline or seeing their child's school assembly. Nice.

Wasn't it the lecturer who asked if anyone wanted to stay behind? Why ask in the first place if you are desperate to leave or have places to go?

I also had a couple of Lisas on my degree course. We used to take the piss out of them from the back of the lecture theatre, although I'd never do it within earshot. We were laughing on the other side of our faces when they got firsts and we, er, didn't.

Honestly, when you're a teenage undergrad it's very hard to see what motivates a mature student. But now I have nothing but admiration for those who go back into education while juggling mortgages / families / jobs / other responsibilities.

Please just ignore them.

I was wondering that too, Lapsed. It's hard to tell from the OP whether this Lisa has crossed the line between being a keen contributor and being a bit of a pain for everyone. But whichever of those is the case, surely a reasonably competent lecturer should be able to respond appropriately. It wouldn't have hurt them to have said that as only one person wanted to stay, everyone else could go. And if Lisa (whoever the Lisa happens to be, not necessarily this OP but Lisas in general) is monopolising a discussion or stopping the lecturer from covering what they need to cover, how hard can it be to say, 'Thank you for that interesting contribution, but I've got my eye on the time and we need to move on/hear from others now'.

In answer to the OP's question, no, I wouldn't make a formal complaint. You're feeling hurt at the moment, and that's understandable, but in 12 weeks it simply won't matter to you what they think. If you make a formal complaint it'll probably become a huge deal and you'll spend much more time thinking about it than is good for you.