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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be resentful of husband and his car choice…..

146 replies

woolythoughts · 20/05/2015 15:25

Long time lurker and just registered as I need third party opinions. I am fully prepared to be told I’m behaving like a toddler and am prepared to accept the findings of the jury….
Whenever I change my car, husband always has to upgrade his so he has “one better”. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it but he does.

I traded my falling apart truck for a basic with no toys 2002 E class. Not long after he traded his old car (can’t actually remember what it was) for a brand new Prius with all the toys. I then traded the E for a 2002 SLK and before long he had a 2006 Captiva. When I changed for a 2008 CLK within a few weeks he got a fully loaded LWB Audi A8. Get the picture?

Ok, so I’m self employed and was potentially going to have a client where I was driving 1000 miles a week minimum. A CLK that barely gets 25 to the gallon was not an option so I started looking at Minis. Hadnt seen one I liked until DH was driving past our local dealer and saw the mini I now drive – henceforth referred to as Micky (not very original but its my Micky). It’s a 2014 Cooper D, fabric non electric seats but with the full connected pack etc etc. he saw it, discussed with me, and put a deposit down for me to do the trade when I returned from my client a day or so later. What he didn’t tell me was there was a virtually identical SD but with a few more toys. Yes it was 2K more but we could afford it – however it wasn’t quite as efficient which is why he went for the D. By this time, it was really too late to pull out of the D purchase and there was the danger of them re-negotiating the trade in on the CLK as we were getting above book for it. So I was happy and I resigned myself to Micky only being a D and not having toys.

Ever since I got micky, DH has been cooing over mini’s and complaining about the poor efficiency on the A8 and the cost of running it. Not surprisingly, today he’s buying a two month old mini cooper – except it’s a fully loaded SD.

I now feel like a small child – because I know it is childish – and a degree of resentment because his mini is better than mine. He knew I would in an ideal world have specced a brand new loaded SD but at the time we couldn’t justify it (a few things have changed in the last few weeks which means it would be justifiable). I want to be grown up about this, but I can’t help feel that Micky is now the poor substitute.

I don’t know if this is connected to my previous relationship where my ex DH always upgraded his computer immediately after I upgraded mine (we both worked in IT) so he always had the ever so slightly better machine.

Tell me to grow up or is there any chance I might be reasonable over my tantrum?

OP posts:
ghostyslovesheep · 20/05/2015 15:28

epic stealth boast Grin well done

why not buy yourself a better mini if that's what you want Confused

ShelaghTurner · 20/05/2015 15:34

I don't understand why you just don't buy the car you want and ignore whatever he has. We don't have that kind of money to play with so I tend to get what I'm given but if I'm happy with what I'm driving I couldn't give a toss what DH drives. If you want the fully loaded version then trade yours in. Let him do what he likes. He does sound a bit of a knob though.

Nicknacky · 20/05/2015 15:36

Why didn't you research the available models yourself?

My SD arrives next week!!

WoonerismSpit · 20/05/2015 15:36

YABU to keep referring to 'toys'.

YANBU to be annoyed at your DH, he sounds a bit of a dick

MaxPepsi · 20/05/2015 15:38

1000 miles a week and you opted for a Mini???

Missing the point I know but mini's are shit! I had to use my SIL's for a week she had borrowed my mum's car and she hated it so much I lent my mum mine instead worst car I have ever driven and I've driven a few.

Anyway, back on track.

Change yours, to the best spec there is - or ask him to swap.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 20/05/2015 15:40

A bit dull to have virtually identical cars though; mine DH's are very different, we like a bit of a change. Do you never share/swap cars?

And yes, subconsciously or not, he is being a bit of a dick, by the way.

ComposHatComesBack · 20/05/2015 15:40

You both sound as childish and status obsessed as one another.

Salene · 20/05/2015 15:42

It's a car , who cares. Get over it .

ExitPursuedByABear · 20/05/2015 15:47

^^^

That

Icimoi · 20/05/2015 15:51

What Salene says. All you need is something reliable that you can get around in and that is big enough for your genuine needs (as opposed to being big enough to boast about).

If I were you, I would go right to the other end of the scale and get either a banger or something which is totally boring but reliable.

kewtogetin · 20/05/2015 15:52

^ twice that
Far too much 'car speak' to get past even the first paragraph. But whatever car you want? Although you both sound incredibly materialistic and petty.

ShatnersBassoon · 20/05/2015 15:55

I had a Polo, my DH got a Golf so I got a Bugatti Veyron. I can't be doing with one-upmanship, so I nipped it in the bud. Kicking myself now, I can't park the fucker.

You both sound ridiculous tbh. Who wants two Minis?!

nornironrock · 20/05/2015 15:56

You could just start getting really facetious about it.... Go and get something utterly ridiculous, like JCW if you must have a mini. Or a Porsche 911 - seats for the kids in the back....

And remember, if so inclined, you can always amuse yourself with the thought that he bought a Prius. On purpose.

If you were going to be facetious....

FirstWeTakeManhattan · 20/05/2015 15:57

Lost me at 'toys'.

Never got me back.

woolythoughts · 20/05/2015 16:01

Thanks everyone. We're actually not materialistic at all although reading it back I can see how it sounds - as I said its mainly me being childish. I probably went into too much detail but I didnt want to be accused of drip feeding (although that may well be preferable to being accused of stealth boasting - which I wasnt).

I probably wouldnt even be bothered if he'd gone for a different car completely - but a "better" version of mine just rankles. And I know its sad.

OP posts:
sunbathe · 20/05/2015 16:05

So, change your car.

TedAndLola · 20/05/2015 16:06

That whole post is ridiculous. Get a grip.

19lottie82 · 20/05/2015 16:07

I'm another one who is thinking....... 1k a week, and you bought a Mini?

Also, seems a bit odd that your DH would trade in an A8 for a Mini?

That aside, just buy whatever car you want.

NRomanoff · 20/05/2015 16:07

So he always gets a car better than yours and it annoys you.

You are both as bad as each other then. Get a car you like/can afford. I couldn't give a shit dh drives. I love my very old Freelander, dh has a newer 'better' car. We are lucky enough that if I wanted a new car, I could get one. But mine gets me from a to b and is comfy.

Can't understand couples that are so competitive.

MaxPepsi · 20/05/2015 16:09

Actually, re-reading your OP I think your husband is a bit of a twat and I sort of get where you are coming from I still think mini's are shit though

Wife has a new car, I therefore have to have a better one/ Each and every time?

Is he like this with other stuff? eg phones, computers, tablets etc? You get a new one so he has to as well?

OnIlkleyMoorBahTwat · 20/05/2015 16:10

My god, who has the time and and energy to buy and sell all those cars.

What timescale is this over? Dread to think how much it has all cost you.

We have a big Skoda and a little Skoda. meh. I hope they both last until the end of the decade, at least.

KatelynB · 20/05/2015 16:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

McButtonwillow · 20/05/2015 16:12

Well I drive a vintage 1996 Vauxhall corsa and my pain in the arse dh has just upgraded his 1998 Toyota people carrier by adding a Yankee candle air freshener and a strip of rust to the bonnet- pompous fucker.

TheVermiciousKnid · 20/05/2015 16:12

We have a big Skoda and a little Skoda. meh. I hope they both last until the end of the decade, at least.

Same here!

What a waste of money, changing cars so frequently!

Patapouf · 20/05/2015 16:14

there you go!

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