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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be resentful of husband and his car choice…..

146 replies

woolythoughts · 20/05/2015 15:25

Long time lurker and just registered as I need third party opinions. I am fully prepared to be told I’m behaving like a toddler and am prepared to accept the findings of the jury….
Whenever I change my car, husband always has to upgrade his so he has “one better”. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it but he does.

I traded my falling apart truck for a basic with no toys 2002 E class. Not long after he traded his old car (can’t actually remember what it was) for a brand new Prius with all the toys. I then traded the E for a 2002 SLK and before long he had a 2006 Captiva. When I changed for a 2008 CLK within a few weeks he got a fully loaded LWB Audi A8. Get the picture?

Ok, so I’m self employed and was potentially going to have a client where I was driving 1000 miles a week minimum. A CLK that barely gets 25 to the gallon was not an option so I started looking at Minis. Hadnt seen one I liked until DH was driving past our local dealer and saw the mini I now drive – henceforth referred to as Micky (not very original but its my Micky). It’s a 2014 Cooper D, fabric non electric seats but with the full connected pack etc etc. he saw it, discussed with me, and put a deposit down for me to do the trade when I returned from my client a day or so later. What he didn’t tell me was there was a virtually identical SD but with a few more toys. Yes it was 2K more but we could afford it – however it wasn’t quite as efficient which is why he went for the D. By this time, it was really too late to pull out of the D purchase and there was the danger of them re-negotiating the trade in on the CLK as we were getting above book for it. So I was happy and I resigned myself to Micky only being a D and not having toys.

Ever since I got micky, DH has been cooing over mini’s and complaining about the poor efficiency on the A8 and the cost of running it. Not surprisingly, today he’s buying a two month old mini cooper – except it’s a fully loaded SD.

I now feel like a small child – because I know it is childish – and a degree of resentment because his mini is better than mine. He knew I would in an ideal world have specced a brand new loaded SD but at the time we couldn’t justify it (a few things have changed in the last few weeks which means it would be justifiable). I want to be grown up about this, but I can’t help feel that Micky is now the poor substitute.

I don’t know if this is connected to my previous relationship where my ex DH always upgraded his computer immediately after I upgraded mine (we both worked in IT) so he always had the ever so slightly better machine.

Tell me to grow up or is there any chance I might be reasonable over my tantrum?

OP posts:
BigPawsBrown · 20/05/2015 21:26

So you are annoyed that your DH cares who has the better car while similtaneously being annoyed that he has the better car?

irinsemymince · 20/05/2015 21:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kissedbyamoonbeammyarse · 20/05/2015 21:42

I'm stuck on thatstoasts post. If you have a red car and a blue car, do they race?

SylvaniansAtEase · 20/05/2015 21:43

Could you hide the mini in a friend's garage for a week and hire a horse and cart? Extol the pleasures of clippety-clopping around the back roads until he's busted a gut sourcing a team of 4 matching shire horses and a vintage brewer's dray (or whatever they're called) then quick as a flash swap back and roar off in a cloud of mini smoke shouting 'HAHA LOSER COPYCAT NOBBY BREATH'

Oldraver · 20/05/2015 22:09

My car is 15 years old and 5 days....all that car buying sounds exhausting.

It does sound slightly 'pissing on your chips' and for that I would be annoyed

DrElizabethPlimpton · 20/05/2015 22:11

I can't believe you sold your slk - I couldnt read any more of your post as I was too upset with you OPGrin

SirChenjin · 20/05/2015 22:12

Both of you should get the bus - that would solve all your car problems. And a hobby.

Methe · 20/05/2015 22:16

Rather you than me driving a thousand miles a week in a Mini Shock

hettie · 20/05/2015 22:24

Reminds me of a conversation I had with a family member. Turned up at 'family do' in crappy car (120,000 miles, no badge shit tip). Family member makes polite conveseration about reliability etc. I mutter something about it being good for family. Then goes on to ask.. So what does dh drive? I reply..err well this... Family member (obviously confused by the fact that we are professionals but poor) then asks so what do you drive then? Conversation comes to crushing halt when I reply... My pushbike...
op, yabu, who cares. Her the car you want/ can afford. Dh can do likewise..

MajesticWhine · 20/05/2015 22:38

That made me laugh Grin SylvaniansAtEase

Liseloise · 20/05/2015 22:40

Bling up your car with some fluffy pink dice and a Hello Kitty air freshener. Let's see if he can top that.........

Ionone · 20/05/2015 23:29

I drive a Ford Ka. Quite an old Ford Ka. I don't drive much and I don't care what anyone else drives. In fact, it's our only family car and DH drives it too, sometimes. Our combined household income is probably pretty high on the percentage scales but, erm, I/we just drive the car that suits us and our lifestyle. Yes, we could afford a more exciting and whizzy car, but we don't need one. And we can't really be arsed. OP, you should just get the car you like and can afford. Why do you care what your DH is driving? Why does it even matter? I am totally bemused by car oneupmanship!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/05/2015 01:02

I get what you mean, OP. I'd be pissed off to and I agree with whoever said it's like he's keeping the little woman in her place to have the better car for him.

So you might not be materialistic but somewhere in his brain, he is because he sees material possessions as a sign of his "status" - and his status has to be higher than yours.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/05/2015 01:03

*too

FFS.

Kiwiinkits · 21/05/2015 05:08

Your DH is being unreasonable for hating his A8. I flipping love our A8. Diesel powered wagon? Best efficiency of any car I've ever owned. Love love love it.

Kiwiinkits · 21/05/2015 05:11

You are not being unreasonable, by the way. Justify his behaviour to yourself by putting it down to his fragile male ego and consider him a bit of a saddo.

Kiwiinkits · 21/05/2015 05:12

DH does this to me with phones, computers and cars. He can't STAND having the second-best thing to me. I think it's funny.

Loafline · 21/05/2015 05:56

Maybe you both need to upgrade the way you spend your free time, you both sound a bit too car obsessed - do you really get upset over this? Does your dh feel inadequate in other ways and feels the need to show the world he's more successful than you? It's all very dull...maybe get out more?

JeanSeberg · 21/05/2015 06:12

YABU for naming your car.

hesterton · 21/05/2015 06:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cliffdiver · 21/05/2015 06:31

Hands op a grip.

(That was said to me on a thread a couple of months ago and I've been waiting to use it Grin)

Cliffdiver · 21/05/2015 06:31

Oh and YABU.

WizardOfToss · 21/05/2015 06:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 21/05/2015 06:39

Forgot to add:
DH tried this with laptops. He said he'd get a new one and "let me have his old one." This was my response Hmm. And a few choice words, obviously. I got my own new laptop.

sandyway · 21/05/2015 06:43

We have a 15 year old car and put up with it. All this one upmanship is so trivial and exhausting. You obviously have loads of money to throw around, in the grand scheme of things why does it matter what each of you drive?