Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be resentful of husband and his car choice…..

146 replies

woolythoughts · 20/05/2015 15:25

Long time lurker and just registered as I need third party opinions. I am fully prepared to be told I’m behaving like a toddler and am prepared to accept the findings of the jury….
Whenever I change my car, husband always has to upgrade his so he has “one better”. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it but he does.

I traded my falling apart truck for a basic with no toys 2002 E class. Not long after he traded his old car (can’t actually remember what it was) for a brand new Prius with all the toys. I then traded the E for a 2002 SLK and before long he had a 2006 Captiva. When I changed for a 2008 CLK within a few weeks he got a fully loaded LWB Audi A8. Get the picture?

Ok, so I’m self employed and was potentially going to have a client where I was driving 1000 miles a week minimum. A CLK that barely gets 25 to the gallon was not an option so I started looking at Minis. Hadnt seen one I liked until DH was driving past our local dealer and saw the mini I now drive – henceforth referred to as Micky (not very original but its my Micky). It’s a 2014 Cooper D, fabric non electric seats but with the full connected pack etc etc. he saw it, discussed with me, and put a deposit down for me to do the trade when I returned from my client a day or so later. What he didn’t tell me was there was a virtually identical SD but with a few more toys. Yes it was 2K more but we could afford it – however it wasn’t quite as efficient which is why he went for the D. By this time, it was really too late to pull out of the D purchase and there was the danger of them re-negotiating the trade in on the CLK as we were getting above book for it. So I was happy and I resigned myself to Micky only being a D and not having toys.

Ever since I got micky, DH has been cooing over mini’s and complaining about the poor efficiency on the A8 and the cost of running it. Not surprisingly, today he’s buying a two month old mini cooper – except it’s a fully loaded SD.

I now feel like a small child – because I know it is childish – and a degree of resentment because his mini is better than mine. He knew I would in an ideal world have specced a brand new loaded SD but at the time we couldn’t justify it (a few things have changed in the last few weeks which means it would be justifiable). I want to be grown up about this, but I can’t help feel that Micky is now the poor substitute.

I don’t know if this is connected to my previous relationship where my ex DH always upgraded his computer immediately after I upgraded mine (we both worked in IT) so he always had the ever so slightly better machine.

Tell me to grow up or is there any chance I might be reasonable over my tantrum?

OP posts:
ItsADinosaur · 21/05/2015 06:51

We only have one car, I feel left out.

You're doing 1000 miles a week and you looked at a mini? For that yabu.

Oh and have another yabu for naming your car.

ovenchips · 21/05/2015 07:03

Oh well.

Ataraxy · 21/05/2015 07:03

My exH used to do this with cars. It used to confuse and upset me. Eventually I realized that he needed to see me as inferior to make himself feel better. Now this was not just based on the cars, he did it all through the relationship. For example,i had to sell any shares/assets and he'd keep his (not stealth boast, remember all the building society conversations?), he paid huge amounts into his pension but we couldn't afford mine or if he'd ask my opinion on something then my opinion became the thing we didn't do. It's all about the context. You said it's the only time he does this, are you sure?

Ataraxy · 21/05/2015 07:04

*conversions

BikeRunSki · 21/05/2015 07:08

You both sound rather childish!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 21/05/2015 07:10

Yanbu for:

  • Liking cars
  • Spending money on cars
  • Liking cars with gadgets/options
  • Feeling annoyed at his one upmanship.

It does sound like you'd benefit from a proper joint strategy about cars so that you change them at different times and that you have at least one car suitable for long journeys/trips to ikea/whatever. If you're self employed I agree that leasing might be a good idea, just make sure you factor in the cost of sorting out dents/scratches/alloy scuffs at the end of the lease.

MysteryMan1 · 21/05/2015 07:32

As others have said, it seems pretty sad that people think like this, particularly with their partners.

A few comments/observations:

  1. You want something efficient/economical yet seem to be pissing away cash on a lease/depreciation. The dealers must love customers like you. And all you have left is a Mini. Which, if you care about what people think, is not that impressive at all.
  1. I don't think this is about cars at all as you don't really seem to be a "car person", more someone who wants to impress others. Any car person actually knows that newer cars are usually worse than older stuff. And a diesel FFS!
  1. What's the point in having 2 cars the same? What if you want to carry people in any sort of comfort? Surely having kept the A8 would have been smarter?
  1. If you want to "beat him", get a Caterham or Lotus. End of.
Cheesypop · 21/05/2015 08:37

There are an unbelievable amount of arsey replies on this thread!

OP it is not in the slightest bit wrong to give a shit about what your joint money is spent on (and a hell of a lot goes on cars, old, new, bangers or not) and it is is not wrong to be put out your husband seems to think you can have a crappier car than him. Marriage is about being equal, and it doesn't seem like your husband is treating you that way by thinking he can spend the lions share of the money on his own stuff and not on yours. Talk to him about it, tell him how you feel and see what he has to say.

As for minis being shit? I drive an 11 year old one and it's the most gorgeous, most reliable little car I've ever had. Everyone who gets in it comments on how lovely the styling is. I've never had any sort of issue with it, but it's doesn't have good mpg so for long journeys it's hopeless.

Cheesypop · 21/05/2015 08:39

So people are childish and needing to get a grip because they want family money to be spent equally on each partner? Riiiiiiiight.

Cherriesandapples · 21/05/2015 08:44

I get you OP. Just pretend you are going to get something outrageously expensive, see what happens and then confront him on his one upmanshit!

MysteryMan1 · 21/05/2015 09:14

Cheeseypop, there is certainly an element of the green eyed monster on this thread.

There's the whole "I am not interested in cars, I don't know about them as I am too poor to drive anything other than a clapped out relic so be thankful etc" attitude.

Boo fucking hoo ;)

SirChenjin · 21/05/2015 10:19

Green eyed monster? Yeah, that'll be it.

lynniep · 21/05/2015 10:49

I have no idea what you're on about.
In this house we need a car each to get to work. They are both our cars. Not 'mine', or 'his'.
I tend to drive the 'big/family car' mostly which cost more and is safer and fits all the kids shit in it, and DH drives 'the little car' which is the runabout car, and we use it to take stuff to the tip because its less likely to be full of 'kids shit' and we don't care if it gets a bit trashed. Sometimes we swap cars if we need to for whatever reason. It doesn't really matter who has what.
They are cars and they are functional and wtf are 'toys'?
If your DH is constantly trying to 'better' you then he's a dick - is he a twat like this in other areas of your life?!

notauniquename · 21/05/2015 11:14

just do a google search for
"Mini SD water pump super charger bearing"

You'll find that the super charger is driver by the water pump, but the bearing is not strengthened.

enjoy your regular D, it will last longer than the SD.

MysteryMan1 · 21/05/2015 11:35

Not that anyone really gives a shit but not sure the SD is supercharged!!

WizardOfToss · 21/05/2015 11:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

penisland · 21/05/2015 12:09

You'll find that the super charger is driver by the water pump, but the bearing is not strengthened

What are you talking about? The diesel Minis are not supercharged. Only the first gen Cooper S had a supercharger.

TedAndLola · 21/05/2015 12:19

So people are childish and needing to get a grip because they want family money to be spent equally on each partner? Riiiiiiiight.

It IS being spent equally, they can both buy whatever cars they want by the sound of it. The OP wasn't forced to take any of her cars, she chose them. Her husband then chose different ones. At no point did she moan about the cost or say she isn't 'allowed' to buy nice cars but he is. They are both as childish as each other.

ghostyslovesheep · 21/05/2015 12:41

No green eyed monster here either - I get a brand spanking new car every 2 years!

Original poster
woolythoughts · 21/05/2015 13:03

Thanks for all the responses and apologies for not replying sooner. I talked to him last night and he said “you’ll probably end up driving the new mini more than me anyway – drive whichever one you want”. I managed to work out that my issue was that I really like my little orange and black mini and now it will always feel like the poor sister to the black and white one.

OP posts:
ChablisLover · 21/05/2015 13:16

I've sort of skimmed read this one and can see it from both angles

Yes I can see how he keeps upgrading can be annoying but I don't see how you can do 1000 miles a week in a mini. Does he even realise he is doing it or does he just see you getting a new car and then he fancies a new one too??

If I were you I would have looked at the BMW 3 series efficient dynamics - same mpg but so much more comfy than the mini especially for long and big journeys

The best mini was the first gen one -
It went like it was on rails. I haven't heard good reports on the newer models.

You could probably get a decent second hand BMW for about the same price

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread