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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be resentful of husband and his car choice…..

146 replies

woolythoughts · 20/05/2015 15:25

Long time lurker and just registered as I need third party opinions. I am fully prepared to be told I’m behaving like a toddler and am prepared to accept the findings of the jury….
Whenever I change my car, husband always has to upgrade his so he has “one better”. I don’t think he realizes he’s doing it but he does.

I traded my falling apart truck for a basic with no toys 2002 E class. Not long after he traded his old car (can’t actually remember what it was) for a brand new Prius with all the toys. I then traded the E for a 2002 SLK and before long he had a 2006 Captiva. When I changed for a 2008 CLK within a few weeks he got a fully loaded LWB Audi A8. Get the picture?

Ok, so I’m self employed and was potentially going to have a client where I was driving 1000 miles a week minimum. A CLK that barely gets 25 to the gallon was not an option so I started looking at Minis. Hadnt seen one I liked until DH was driving past our local dealer and saw the mini I now drive – henceforth referred to as Micky (not very original but its my Micky). It’s a 2014 Cooper D, fabric non electric seats but with the full connected pack etc etc. he saw it, discussed with me, and put a deposit down for me to do the trade when I returned from my client a day or so later. What he didn’t tell me was there was a virtually identical SD but with a few more toys. Yes it was 2K more but we could afford it – however it wasn’t quite as efficient which is why he went for the D. By this time, it was really too late to pull out of the D purchase and there was the danger of them re-negotiating the trade in on the CLK as we were getting above book for it. So I was happy and I resigned myself to Micky only being a D and not having toys.

Ever since I got micky, DH has been cooing over mini’s and complaining about the poor efficiency on the A8 and the cost of running it. Not surprisingly, today he’s buying a two month old mini cooper – except it’s a fully loaded SD.

I now feel like a small child – because I know it is childish – and a degree of resentment because his mini is better than mine. He knew I would in an ideal world have specced a brand new loaded SD but at the time we couldn’t justify it (a few things have changed in the last few weeks which means it would be justifiable). I want to be grown up about this, but I can’t help feel that Micky is now the poor substitute.

I don’t know if this is connected to my previous relationship where my ex DH always upgraded his computer immediately after I upgraded mine (we both worked in IT) so he always had the ever so slightly better machine.

Tell me to grow up or is there any chance I might be reasonable over my tantrum?

OP posts:
RedToothBrush · 20/05/2015 16:58

YABU

Minis are shit.

Besides if you want to waffle on about cost you should be buying a Dacia, the Ronseal of cars.

Until then take one Biscuit for your husband and one Biscuit for yourself.

You are both as bad as each other.

2rebecca · 20/05/2015 16:58

I'd be hacked off. I suspect by now I'd have said to my husband "I fancy a new car but I'm not going to get one if you'll just get one a few weeks later and try to outdo me as you keep doing that".
It sounds as though you need to stagger your car buying like we do so we have 1 car 2-3 years older than the other so always have a more reliable car. Agree that you won't buy them at the same time.
Also it sounds as though you involve him too much in your purchases where as he just gets on and buys what he wants. Decide on your budget and then you both get a car you want for that budget.
I tend to have the fuel efficient hatchback where as my husband has the estate as I do more miles and an estate is handy for holidays although now the kids are older we may change that. Both cars have to fit bikes in though.

Justusemyname · 20/05/2015 17:00

Of course it rankles, he's putting you in your place by having something better than the little woman. Numerous times.

Smarterthantheaveragebeaver · 20/05/2015 17:01

I drive a 9YO Hyundai. DH has a 10YO transit van. Im slightly jealous of the sliding side door. Not enough to swap the car for one though.

But agree with pp who said Minis are shit. Unless theyre original BMW-free Austin Ones.

BumWad · 20/05/2015 17:02

This post is a joke right?

HmmAnOxfordComma · 20/05/2015 17:02

I was going to say that you both sound a bit childish and that cars are the most pointless and boring things to spend money on or to care about

BUT

was just thinking about how childish dh and I can be when we are both so desperate to seem unbothered about age and status of our cars (because we really are that unconcerned) that we sometimes argue over who gets to take the oldest car (one is about 8 yrs old, one 15). We're like "I'm taking 'old car' today" "No, I am." Just as ridiculous, really!

IvyWall · 20/05/2015 17:03

My Dh spends a lot more on his cars than I do on mine. But I am happy with my car. I don't feel the need for "all the toys". But if you want more toys OP, get the car that you want

FenellaFellorick · 20/05/2015 17:06

Have you run through the timeline with him, just as you have here, and asked him about it?

Yes, I agree with you, it's daft, but clearly you're wondering about it so why not say what's going on pal, when I got X you got Y, when I got...

Arsenic · 20/05/2015 17:08

I feel sorry for anybody who ever gets stuck in a lift with you OP.

BTW I think you mean 'own brand' not 'store bought'.

wildfig · 20/05/2015 17:09

If you're not buying 'family' cars, just get the car you want, if you're paying for it. Whatever the difference in price between his and yours will soon be swallowed up by the chiropractor's bills necessitated by him leaping from a LWB A8 to a Mini.

More baffling is why he feels the need to get it in the first place. I had a Cooper S and loved it, but I genuinely can't see the point in having two Minis - don't you ever go to IKEA or do a big shop?

fieldfare · 20/05/2015 17:09

I love cars so I get where you're coming from.
I'd be annoyed as well. Stop involving him so heavily in your decision - decide a budget, do the research and get what you want and that fits your needs.
And tell him to stop being such a dick with his oneupmanship.

wildfig · 20/05/2015 17:11

By 'family' I don't mean 'to put family in', I mean 'cars that are shared between the driving members of the family'...

sebsmummy1 · 20/05/2015 17:33

I have a 2007 plate Fiat Punto Grin. Oh yes, nobody cares Sad

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 20/05/2015 17:39

That's hilarious, and somewhat irritating.

Can I suggest that you two decide on a point where you should turnover the two mini's and go shopping for two brand new identically spec'd cars to be delivered on the same day.

Otherwise, what fieldfare said Grin

2rebecca · 20/05/2015 17:41

Agree our cars are family cars although my husband is more precious about his than I am but we decided to have 1 large and 1 small car. I could have the larger car but am happy with the manoeuvrability and fuel economy of mine. My husband wouldn't suddenly decide to buy a mini without us discussing where we'd put all our stuff though (in fact as he's a keen cyclist I think a mini is an unlikely purchase ever.) Which car we buy is generally a joint decision although the person who mainly drives it gets the major say and sorts out buying the exact model/ colour etc they want and goes to the dealer.

OurGlass · 20/05/2015 17:45

If this post is real, you will both look like twats with minis on the drive.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 20/05/2015 17:48

Just be grateful you can drive, I have epilepsy and wish everyday I could drive.

Totally off the point I know but quit moaning.

quietasamouse · 20/05/2015 17:57

Wow, wading through all of that was hard! I get the idea though, your husband always has to go one better. Yes he is being a knob. I wonder if you having something better challenges his masculinity or sense of superiority?

reallybadidea · 20/05/2015 17:58

That OP has to be one of the dullest things I've ever read on MN, although it has reinforced my opinion that people who give their cars pet names are pretentious twats.

penisland · 20/05/2015 18:06

He changed an Audi A8 for a Mini ???

And for a shitty diesel one as well!! He could at least have got a Cooper S!

Nicknacky · 20/05/2015 18:08

Penisland he is getting an Cooper SD.

Effendi · 20/05/2015 18:10

Snort at two minis on the drive.

I read about a quarter of the OP before I got fed up.

Glad to say that both of our cars are registered to me and like a PP we have big Toyota and small Toyota. Both are 20 years old.
My husband drives a 22 seater coach for work (but I'm not jealous) and brings it home most nights.
So I can stealth boast that our drive fits the two cars and the coach, do I win a prize?

penisland · 20/05/2015 18:13

Penisland he is getting an Cooper SD

That's not a Cooper S.

Nicknacky · 20/05/2015 18:20

It is. It's the Cooper S but in the diesel version. I'm waiting for mine to arrive.

penisland · 20/05/2015 18:27

It's the Cooper S but in the diesel version

My point exactly. The Cooper S is petrol the Cooper SD is a shitty oil burner.