to have my tampons on display?

[ElleGrace]

Hi there,
This is actually my first post on here (despite me being an avid mumsnetter for the past 5+ years!) so bare with!
Basically, OH and I have recently moved in to a new place together and are having a ridiculous rather silly debate over whether or not it is socially acceptable to have (unused) tampons on display in the bathroom.
To my way of thinking, anyone who enters our home will be perfectly aware that I, a woman, have a menstrual cycle and therefore use some form of feminine product in my bathroom. The only hidden storage we have in the bathroom is on the opposite side of the room to the toilet, which is an inconvenience to get to. Therefore, I have a glass jar of tampons on the shelf right next to the toilet, alongside many other glass jars filled with cotton buds, cotton pads, candles etc. IMO, there is no difference in seeing a tampon in the bathroom than seeing something like a cotton bud.
On the other hand, my OH argues that although people are aware I use tampons, they don't really need to see proof of it. He compared it to having a jar of condoms in the bathroom.
I understand this is a really ridiculous argument, but it really got me thinking as to whether I should really have to hide my feminine products in my own home, or as to whether I'm simply being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn.
I'd love to hear your opinions on this trivial matter, and I'd also like to know whether your products are hidden from view too.

Toilet paper is an intimate part of a tree and should only be seen on the third night of May at a stroke past dusk. Otherwise one must dance around a fairy ring thrice, chanting 'It is the time. The time. It is. I am he-man.'

bertrand if my host had no toilet paper it would not be ideal, but not the end of the world as I always carry tissues. Ditto with plasters, I always carry my own supply.

YANBU.

They're just tampons, FFS. I doubt DH would even notice if mine were "on display". Mine are in a drawer though, or else my 3 year old plays with them, as she likes the colours. Last time she carefully divided them into two piles, one for her and one for her toddler brother. He then drove them around in his toy truck.

'Extremely intimate part of a woman's routine'??? More than, say, brushing your teeth?

I suggest you read Swift's 'Lady's Dressing Room'.

LikeIcan - this is a genuine question as I'd like to understand the thinking behind the embarrassment - what is it that's embarrassing about tampons? Is it that you think people should believe women don't menstruate? Or is it that you think women should have a sense of shame around menstruation? Or something else?

On the windowsill. My toilet is not in the bathroom and I have no cabinet in there.

Not sure I've thought that much about it - but whenever I'm expecting guests the only thing on show in our bathroom is a nice hand soap & towel. I honestly think it's bad manners ( not to mention untidy ) to have stuff all over the bathroom. Everyone knows women have periods, you don't need to shove the evidence in their face.
My ds is 15 - he currently has quite a few spots and is using a spot cream. It's completely normal & natural for a teenager to get spots, but leaving his spot cream 'on show' when we have guests is embarrassing for him, & just not something I'd do.

So it's more to do with presenting a certain image to people, one that's tidy and not too revealing of who you are "behind the scenes"?

reminds me of going away with the inlaws for the first time (DH and I weren't married at that point).

We had to share a bathroom with them that had no storage other than open shelving and a deep window sill by the toilet.

So I decamped my toiletries placing an unopened box of tampons on the window sill.

I was later asked to remove them by DH as they would have offended the inlaws sensibilities.

I was a bit shocked as MIL was a health visitor and family planning nurse but thought ok I'll have to keep them out of sight in the bedroom.

Later we come back from a walk and whilst MIL and I are putting the boots away she says to me 'I've got terrible thrush and I'm wearing a sanitary towel with yoghurt on it to see if that helps'

what about my sensibilities!! I'd rather see a box of tampons in the bathroom than ever have to hear that. TMI or what??!!

I can't speak for LikeIcan, but I like my home to be aethetically pleasing for guests, and for my family.

And so yes, I will put out nice candles, flowers, I clean, hoover, use nice glasses and dishes, put out clean fluffy towels and nice soap in the bathroom, and make sure the house is free of clutter. It makes for a more pleasing welcoming environment. Putting tampons, sex toys and spot cream out of sight is part of that.

My friend invited me for coffee last year. She gave me a cup of coffee and at my place on the table was nit cream, towel and a nit comb sitting in a pile of hairs and dribbles of water.

All very natural and nothing to be ashamed of- but not something I really want to look at.

Yes cailindana - that's exactly it.

I think it's a personality thing. I hate feeling like someone has tidied up especially for me and laid out the best china etc. It makes me feel on edge and not very welcome. I'd rather my friends feel they can invite me over whenever and that I don't expect perfection - the house can be messy and I won't judge (mainly because my house is quite messy so it'd be hypocritical). I'd hate for people feeling like they have to present an image to me or hide things about their ordinary lives. I'm not keen on a totally minging house (and a nit comb and hairs is a bit much!) but I'd rather people felt ok with just inviting me over without feeling they have to go around scrubbing things and putting things away so I won't see them and think they "lack etiquette."

Propelusagain, but I don't see the situations you have outlined as equivalent to a box of visible tampons at all - your son is at a self-conscious age and doesn't want a visible, if common, 'flaw' drawn attention to, understandably, but menstruation isn't a humiliating temporary problem like teenage spots. And I can't honestly see a box of tampons sitting harmlessly on a bathroom shelf as anything like the frankly unhygienic expectation that someone would like to eat and drink from a table setting covered in the leftovers of a recent nit-hunting session!

For me a pleasing home is one where I can kick off my shoes and curl up on the couch and feel comfy. My friends just walk in the door and stick the kettle on - there's no ceremony, everyone's welcome.

lol this is hilarious

I have mine visable in every bathroom, even the downstairs loo
lol
never even thought about it before

Is it a just personality thing, though, Cailin? I was just thinking we're back to some quite class-specific ideas of what constitutes 'not nice'. (I say this as a foreigner without any particular social class of my own these days, but WC origins...) To me, the tidying up and getting out the special glasses and fluffy towels for guests is quite lower-middle-class, whereas middle-middles and above seem far more confident that the kinds of conditions they usually live in are perfectly acceptable for visitors.

For instance, I can't imagine a LMC person having someone for a cup of tea in the kitchen with a couple of braces of slightly bloody pheasants hanging from the dresser.

Not condemning either position, incidentally, just interested in class positions on what is acceptable/unacceptable in domestic environments. Friends who would probably identify as LMC seem far more worried about being judged for untidy houses than those higher up the social hierarchy.

Fine- I guess we are all different. I find messy chaotic houses uncomfortable. My home is tidy but relaxing, think more Japanese minimalism than Hyacinth Bouquet.

Not sure about that one Egged. I'm from Ireland so the class thing is a bit different for me too. My parents don't do ceremony at all when "entertaining" - it's all a mish mash of whatever chairs are available plus a lot of decent food (but nothing very posh - just sandwiches or chips or a roast if it's a dinner thing.) I'm the same I suppose - I have people round because I want to see them and I'm friends with people who don't judge me on my cleanliness. I don't dress up or do anything special but I feed people a lot. People like hanging out here.

Perhaps someone should invent (crochet) a special cover for tampon boxes just like loo roll crinoline-wearing lady.

My house isn't particularly messy or chaotic propel (not as far as I can tell anyway) it's just what I'd call ordinary. It has bits and bobs about the place but the couch is clear and comfy, the kitchen is always clean and the bathroom is spotless.

egged- I am not sure I agree. I have lived in te far East and people will often extend themselves to guests. It is a source of pride to give your guests a pleasing experience when visiting. It's not just a British, or a class thing to want your guests to feel special.

Interested in the class aspect. My DM is probably LMC or UWC, she has ridiculously tidy house with the washing up liquid in the cupboard (and the towels/tampons when she used them). My dad wasn't embarrassed about periods at all (dairy farming stock, does that make a difference?).

MIL is definitely MMC and she always left her towel box on the side (when she had periods). She's also now doing research into how people manage their periods.

I'm probably MMC (I'm not really sure how one knows) and I have a pigsty of a house. Clean, because I pay someone talented to do that, but messy. I would prefer it if it was less messy but not enough to sort it out. Seems weird to me to put everything away but if that works for you...

Those wondering about those of us who leave things out being defensive - there's accusations going on from both sides of this argument. Tends to make people defensive.

I don't really have "guests" I suppose - to me that implies people you are hosting and want to accommodate - people just come in and out of my house and stay here if they want to. Anyone who's here is considered part of things - my friends cook here and make their own tea etc, people staying over cook, wash up etc. I tend to prefer it that way - places where I'm made to feel like a guest make me uncomfortable.

I think I am a bit like you cailindana for me the ultimate compliment is for people to feel at home in my house, and that's the type of house I like to visit.

people just come in and out of my house and stay here if they want to

I would hate that. I work full time from home, and surprise guests are not welcome.
I do welcome invited guests with open arms however.