to have my tampons on display?

[ElleGrace]

Hi there,
This is actually my first post on here (despite me being an avid mumsnetter for the past 5+ years!) so bare with!
Basically, OH and I have recently moved in to a new place together and are having a ridiculous rather silly debate over whether or not it is socially acceptable to have (unused) tampons on display in the bathroom.
To my way of thinking, anyone who enters our home will be perfectly aware that I, a woman, have a menstrual cycle and therefore use some form of feminine product in my bathroom. The only hidden storage we have in the bathroom is on the opposite side of the room to the toilet, which is an inconvenience to get to. Therefore, I have a glass jar of tampons on the shelf right next to the toilet, alongside many other glass jars filled with cotton buds, cotton pads, candles etc. IMO, there is no difference in seeing a tampon in the bathroom than seeing something like a cotton bud.
On the other hand, my OH argues that although people are aware I use tampons, they don't really need to see proof of it. He compared it to having a jar of condoms in the bathroom.
I understand this is a really ridiculous argument, but it really got me thinking as to whether I should really have to hide my feminine products in my own home, or as to whether I'm simply being stubborn for the sake of being stubborn.
I'd love to hear your opinions on this trivial matter, and I'd also like to know whether your products are hidden from view too.

This thread is another reason why mooncups are much better

It kept my DCs occupied for ages trying to figure out what the mooncup they found in the bathroom was for.

LadylikeCough- I am not buying into your criticism.
I have two adult males in my family. My OH and my son. They keep their shaving gear in a cupboard beside the sink.

Propelusagain: it's not about where they keep their razors! I totally understand that people have different aesthethic preferences minimalist, cluttered, whatever and that storing anything also depends on your actual bathroom; loads of cupboards, or no space, etc.

It's about the way we talk about these things. Your OH and son wouldn't discuss their razors the way you talk about sanpro. A razor-storage thread wouldn't run to 18 pages. There are no associations of shame or defiance or social politics or radical vs 'purse-lipped'. Producing facial hair is a near-universal male trait that can be discussed with blank indifference. Having periods is a near-universal female trait that has spawned entire mythologies and emotional responses, from 'put her in a hut!' to 'BEARS WILL CHASE US' to 'I am disgusted at the sight of my mother's sanitary supplies' and an entire ad industry based on dainty euphemisms and people going skydiving in white trousers.

None of this is personal criticism, BTW, although I can see you're taking it as that. You think you're making a neutral point about bathroom aesthetics, which I'm insisting on misinterpreting and loading with gender-political significance. Whereas I think your words are loaded with significance, even if you're not particularly trying to make a statement. There's not really any point discussing it further, since we're at total cross-purposes.

Yes we are at cross purposes. You are trying to make a political point. This is such a juvenile feminist issue, some of us are way past that.

Propelus, you seem terribly cross about it all. I don't think you get to decide what a 'juvenile' feminist issue is - no, it's not equal pay or rape conviction rates, obviously, but (as this thread has arguably shown), where women keep their tampons is still redolent of patriarchal ingrained attitudes to a normal female bodily function which have been internalised by women and passed on, and of which they are aware/unaware/in denial of to varying degrees.

"juvenile feminist issue"??!! PMSL

You're way past it?

You sure about that?

where women keep their tampons is still redolent of patriarchal ingrained attitudes to a normal female bodily function which have been internalised by women and passed on, and of which they are aware/unaware/in denial of to varying degrees.

Oh please. Just because I keep my tampons in a cupboard?

And does the same apply because I also keep my toilet cleaner in a cupboard? Am I in denial about having to admit to cleaning my toilet?

Propelus, quite a few people on the thread have specifically detailed how their shame-inculcating upbringings have had an impact on their adult attitudes to menstruation - I wasn't specifically talking about you. I honestly do not mind if you keep them in a special locked box under the floorboards, or hang them gaily from the light fittings.

But, since you asked, from my recollections of your responses on this thread suggest that yes, you have a classically lower-middle-class desire to hide away anything you consider 'not nice', whether that is toilet bleach, spare loo rolls or tampons. The 'oh, I just don't like clutter' thing is just the 2015 version of crocheted toilet roll covers.

Yes, propelusagain the personal is political.

I'm curious, where do you think your thoughts and feelings come from? Do you think your ideas are totally of your own creations, free from outside influence, or do you think that the society / culture you live in has something to do with your values?

The 'oh, I just don't like clutter' thing is just the 2015 version of crocheted toilet roll covers

Really? So you .so easily write off 3000 years of Japanese aesthetic minimalist style?

This is a long thread and I haven't read all of it.

That's because I got as far as:

I find it a tad bit attention seeking-ish.

and fell of the sofa laughing. Who the hell is bonkers enough to believe that women have periods and use tampons to get attention??

And what does that mean about other stuff we leave out on display in our homes? "Look, I have left my kettle on the worktop in the kitchen. I drink tea and I am not ashamed for you to know that! I am going to leave my kettle out and I don't care how you feel about that because I am an attention-seeking kettle user."

Dear God, there are some crazy crazy people in the world.

I am now worried about the trauma I am obviously inflicting on the male leaders who I take on DofE expeditions with me: at the start of every expedition, the emergency tampons and sanitary towels get distributed among them in case any girls get their period unexpectedly and aren't prepared (teenage cycles + five days on expedition with no access to shops = very likely).

If any of the guys expressed any squeamishness about dealing with this, they'd get short shrift. Fortunately, they all seem more than capable of dealing with the fact that women have periods and none of them has come over all unnecessary at the sight of sanitary protection

Personally, I prefer to have mine in a cupboard, unless I'm actually using them that particular week, then they're just sat next to the toilet... But I'm a bit of a tidy freak about the bathroom, so won't have anything uneccessary on display :P

How the fuck did we get here? The Japanese minimalist style has so much more to it than a simple, superficial aesthetic choice to hide clutter. There are practical, political, religious and cultural influences behind that way of living. And yes they've come from thousands of years of Japanese culture. So rather than 'writing off 3000 years of Japanese aesthetic minimalist style', it seems a tad iffy (to us rad-liberal types) to appropriate it as the reason you put your tampons in a drawer.

(The same tampons you have NO ISSUE with, as you've REPEATEDLY SAID. If this thread were about toilet cleaner storage, you'd post with exactly the same frequency and intensity, wouldn't you? Or cotton buds? The kettle?)

propelusagain I'm still curious:

Where do you think your thoughts and feelings come from? Do you think your ideas are totally of your own creations, free from outside influence, or do you think that the society / culture you live in has something to do with your values?

I don't think that's relevant.

Really? I think it's very relevant.

I suspect (but happy to be corrected) that you are largely unaware of what a large role our culture plays in shaping who we are and what we believe. Even down to where we store our tampons.

The personal is political.

It seems you don't really understand this - it means you are free to throw around statements such as "This is such a juvenile feminist issue, some of us are way past that."

Which to my mind shows a lack of understanding of how easily influenced we all are.

I have to agree with wigglylines and others. Our culture is still full of remnants of things that made women second class citizens.

Such as people feeling uncomfortable with tampons being on display. I can understand keeping stuff in a cupboard for tidyness, but there's a fine fine line between being tidy and hiding stuff out of sight.

Menstruation is still seen in some cultures as absolutely something to be ashamed of, and it wasn't so long ago that sentiments such as "nice girls don't use tampons" was common in this country.

I'm 46 and some classmates of mine had real problems when our periods began, especially with the idea that their dads weren't even supposed to know their daughters were menstruating, let alone that it might be that time of the month.

There have been threads on here with some terrible memories posted of how bad it was for some girls when their periods began.

We need to be more, not less, open and matter of fact about menstruation. Women should not be ashamed to have tampons or other san pro lying about, or be pushed into hiding it away.

I keep mine in a drawer in the bedroom but for the week they're needed I put a box of tampons & pads next to toilet or lying around upstairs. I have zero storage in my bathroom though.

I remember years ago having a mixed group of friends back to my house - one of the boys gave me a heads up that my pants were drying on a radiator like I didn't know & it was something to be shocked about.

There's definitely still a culture that normal things affecting women like periods shouldn't be seen or heard. I think it's changing slowly but we're not there yet.

I keep my tampons in a bathroom cupboard next to my husbands razor. What does that say about us I wonder?!

Ooh, Singsongsung. You're all mixed up. But the potential for social experiments is endless.

a) get your DH to start a thread on Dadnset entitled 'AIBU to put my razor wherever it currently is?'
b) carefully count number of fucks given about razor placement.
c) the answer is zero.

or

a) repeatedly remark 'I'm certainly glad you've put that razor in a cupboard'.
b) when pressed for a reason, explain that it's nothing personal, but neither you nor the guests nor the children want to imagine his stubble. Shudder slightly, for emphasis. Or giggle.
c) wait to see if your husband decides to grow a full bushy beard in defiance, or just starts shaving a lot more, in secret, whilst muttering 'it's nothing to be ashamed of, all men do it, my father had stubble... oh god, why are we so disgusting?'

or

a) place both razor and tampons on the sink.
b) conduct an exit poll of all toilet visitors, asking them to rate the quality of their bathroom experience and their levels of discomfort, trauma, disgust, or disdain for your decor.
c) discard all data from pre-menstrual or menstruating women, who are notably irrational (and they're probably stealing your tampons. Put a note in there saying why are you so DISORGANISED? this happens EVERY MONTH)
d) come back to Mumsnet and post the definitive thesis, so we can all disagree about it again until the human body evolves beyond menstruation (or some sort of Matrix scenario arises, where we're all grown in pods; whichever, really).

Some extremely helpful strategies there Lady. Many thanks. I shall conduct an exit poll as suggested and inform MN at a later date.

I probably do need to discuss this much more with dh. After all, the potential for disastrous mix ups is enormous...