to think we should be told about this 30 hrs a week holiday?!

[feckthis]

my DH has just told me that I as a SAHM have 30 hours a week to do what I want with while the DC are at school. I am outraged no one has seen fit to tell me of this important fact. AIBU?

I do all that stuff around working, so u suppose if I had time off work it would feel like holiday!

How many of you People that work do ALL the housework, cooking, laundry, chores, banking, taking children to activities, homework, etc themselves? Or do you share it with your partner /outsource it to cleaners and nannies etc?
If you compare that to how many SAHM do most of the above themselves it would probably be a huge difference.
If So you can't really say you personally do EVERYTHING a SAHM does on top of working full time as I bet not one of you does. I work part time evenings so do the majority of stuff but still do less than when I was home full time.
DH often asks me to pop out and puck him up something, make a phone call on his behalf. If I worked days I would tell him to do it himself and he probably wouldn't even ask. If I worked days he would have to iron his own shirt etc.

I reckon SAHM have more free time overall though as I I worked days I would have to spend the evenings doing chores, and weekends doing errands where as when I am home in the evening I can sit down once the kids are in bed and have a cup of tea and watch some TV, and weekends are family time without having to spend it cleaning.

I still have a child at home in the afternoon and all day Friday, without him making a mess, needing feeding, bum wiping , train track fixing etc I would feel like I had the luxury of more time,but unfortunately once he starts school in September I am hopefully going to find a day job and finally get evenings back!

Brie and how many SAHPs do ALL the housework, cooking, chores, banking, taking children to activities etc. themselves? I know plenty of SAHPs that have cleaners, and whose partners do the taking children to the (generally evening once the DC get a bit older) activities, share tasks like financial management etc. And most of these SAHPs have partners who pitch in with clearing away dinner/bathtime/story reading/making packed lunches etc in the evenings - there are lots of tasks that can't be done in the 9-3 window!

I do think a lot of the jobs done by SAHPs stretch to fit the time available - which is why you often find WOHP pointing out that they manage to do all the jobs that SAHP does and still find time to work.

I'm sorry, but I still think that it's a holiday. All fine if that's how you want to spend your life, but please don't keep saying that being a SAHM is hard work after the toddler years. In the spirit of sharing, this is my day today:
get up at 5, walk 3 dogs, come home, feed 3 dogs, get 2 kids out of bed, washed, dressed and breakfast'd (whilst DH goes to pick up new grandson that he's minding during day). Take kids to breakfast club at school. Drive through rush hour traffic to work. Get to work about 1/2 hr late and then have to prepare for departmental meeting at 9. No time to check the 100 business e-mails that have appeared overnight. At meeting defend why my budget shouldn't be cut, make decisions about levels of teaching responsibilities next year, evaluate results from an inspection and the usual admin stuff - end up with 10 fairly urgent actions. Go back to office at 10 and spend next hour dealing with e-mails - get through 25 of the 100 that were there first thing, but then get 10 more urgent ones that need responses so the rest get put back. Meet with students to discuss PhD projects. Have lunch at desk whilst MNing and keeping an eye on incoming emails. T-con with colleagues in Italy in 1/2 hour. 3pm another meeting with a GP doing some research for me. 5 pm back to the e-mails for another 2 hours. Home at 7pm. DH will pick up kids from school then DH and kids will take new grandson home, then he'll get home and feed DDs (from a stash of food I prepare at weekends and put in freezer for him). If I'm really lucky he will have had time in between dealing with baby to do some housework. If not, then it gets done when the DDs are in bed. All that will probably take til 9pm if it goes smoothly. Then we eat and we both get back to work....especially as I've got a report due in tomorrow to evaluate why a study didn't meet it's recruitment target and a grant application that needs to be in by next Wednesday. So yeah, SAHM have a holiday - and this isn't even a one off.

Agree with Zeezak.

SAHP is a full time position...when you have children with you.

When they're in school...not so much...you've just got an extra 6.5 hours in the day to do the same things that WOHP get done evenings and weekends only.

Tbh if you're a SAHM and find yourself with no extra spare time when your dc are in school, I think you're lying doing it wrong.

Oh for the love of God, who gives a fuck? The OP wasn't about whether some other random parent works harder, it was about the attitude of her DH.

OP, I'm a SAHP to school age children. It's not a holiday but I do respect that I get free time during the day, at least on some days of the week. I don't begrudge DH taking some time to himself at all. That said, I would be mightily pissed if he was out every evening as some form of payback. Your DH can't just check out of family life just because he works.

As an aside, for someone with such a hectic schedule, Zeezeek, you seem to find plenty of time to read the SAHM threads and give all us lazy bitches a good kicking. Obviously all this hard work is keeping you very fulfilled and not weirdly bitter at all

Oh shit, I must have forgot - working mother not allowed to have time to read MN. Would suitably thrash myself, but need to dial into a t-con.

You're spectacularly missing my point. But I suspect you know that

Zeekzeek, so you are basically saying you get paid huge amounts to sit around all day talking and reading. Apart from the whole salary thing your day is indeed not that much different from the average SAHP when they don't happen to be tripping over DC!

I think a lot of this argument is a bit pointless because the OP has said she is ill and unable to work.

That is not the same as being a SAHM.

For what it's worth, I couldn't give a rat's arse whether people sah, woh, wah or sit watching Jeremy Kyle all day. I am sad when I see women critcising each other for their choices though and comparing themselves. In this situation you can't talk to the OP about her time when her dc are at school as being 'time off' or 'a holiday' because she is ill.

There isn't time off from being ill. I imagine the op can just about get to the allotment sometimes and that is a break for her. I can't do that kind of thing. I'm 'at home' but don't describe myself as a sahm thesedays, though I used to when dc were small and at home with me. Since then my illness degenerated.

My 'holiday at home' is mainly spent trying to get through the smallest things. Today I have managed to empty the washing machine and put some clothes away. That's taken all my energy and I'm suffering for it. Every little thing takes so much more when you are ill - and I imagine it's the same for the OP. Other days I might have a good day and be able to do some school governing work or writing or church work which I do. That's a bonus.

You just can't compare the two - so not a lot of point in a sah/woh row on this thread. Let's support one another and be kind to one another.

How about - that post was ridiculous.

Madhairday I was actually trying to make a fairly similar point in a different way. Firstly SAHP time as 30 hour holiday is indeed how I treat it as it is very seldom that with school age DC and a school run to fit in I get anything like this amount of time off. I also have 11 years worth of TOIL saved up from time at home with preschool DC. This was my answer to the Op's AIBU.

A lot of paid jobs are a lot less physically and mentally demanding than SAH as the day is structured and certainly if I were working there would be no physical effort involved. Be kind to yourself if you are at home for whatever reason and make the best of it.

As my students are late I actually have a spare 5 minutes to reply.....
How absolutely insulting to denigrate my job as reading and talking. What I was trying (and probably failing) to explain is that people at work all day have a lot of pressures on them - time, physical, emotional and a hell of a lot of stress to deal with that SAHM don't have. I am responsible for delivering million pound projects on time and to budget, educating the next generation of medics and researchers, line managing people, reporting results, analysing results, presenting results, defending results, supporting others to deliver research and also to get funding for research. That is one hell of a lot more than talking and reading. Then I get home and have to deal with house and kids issues. I actually look forward to times like this when people are running late or stand me up so I can have a few minutes whatever the hell I want like come on here. And my salary isn't huge - no idea where you get that idea from. I'm a fairly senior academic, believe me my salary is not massive and is, to a large extent, along with my job security on how much money I can consistently bring into the department. So please, stop insulting women like me.

As my students are late I actually have a spare 5 minutes to reply.....
How absolutely insulting to denigrate my job as reading and talking. What I was trying (and probably failing) to explain is that people at work all day have a lot of pressures on them - time, physical, emotional and a hell of a lot of stress to deal with that SAHM don't have. I am responsible for delivering million pound projects on time and to budget, educating the next generation of medics and researchers, line managing people, reporting results, analysing results, presenting results, defending results, supporting others to deliver research and also to get funding for research. That is one hell of a lot more than talking and reading. Then I get home and have to deal with house and kids issues. I actually look forward to times like this when people are running late or stand me up so I can have a few minutes whatever the hell I want like come on here. And my salary isn't huge - no idea where you get that idea from. I'm a fairly senior academic, believe me my salary is not massive and is, to a large extent, along with my job security on how much money I can consistently bring into the department. So please, stop insulting women like me.

Whatever you do during the day doesn't give you the right to dismiss sahm time as 'holiday' because its not.

And people wonder why we want a sahm topic. Its because of rude, shitty responses like there are on this thread.

Zeezeek - why is it ok for you to insult others, but not for anyone to do it back?
My take is - all mums are fab!

For making a sweeping statement that it's a holiday for all is insulting. It clearly would be for you, in your own situation, as it is indeed for me in mine. But it quite clearly isn't for the op, and that is the point of the thread.

zeezak you've been insulting yourself. fine if you want to work (and complain about it) but don't pick on those who don't (and complain about it).

madhairday My days are very similar to yours, and probably the OP's. I can say with all certainty that life was much, much less demanding when both DH and I worked FT. All the WOHP barracking in the world isn't going to make OP feel she's having an easy time of it.

zeezeek I'm sorry but I still think that it's a holiday so you are ok insulting SAHPs but Howabout isn't allowed to say that you spend your day reading and talking. Right....ok....there we have it.....double standards, I'm afraid.

zeezek more fool you then.
you sound violently angry about your life
why not live it differently - instead of denigrating other people's life choices?

INsulting myself? Violently angry. Bloody hell. I'm perfectly happy with my life, thanks, and how I spend it. I am, however, allowed to have opinions. Which I won't bother repeating right now as my visitor will be back from the loo any second!!!

Re-read your post of 12.38.
You sound furious and miserable. You really do.
But I'm glad if you're not.

I am frustrated - but not by my work; my frustration is solely with women who bleat about how hard they work when they are at home all day and the kids are in school. Some of us have to do all of the home stuff on top of a day at work. That is all I was trying to point out - along with what my day today is looking like.