to think we should be told about this 30 hrs a week holiday?!

[feckthis]

my DH has just told me that I as a SAHM have 30 hours a week to do what I want with while the DC are at school. I am outraged no one has seen fit to tell me of this important fact. AIBU?

Oh I can beat that. I work 30 hrs/week, mostly around school hours. DH works 50 hrs/week, so I am also in charge of childcare (arranging and providing), laundry, household, grocery shopping, arranging birthday parties, etc.

DH once made a comment about my 'afternoons off'. I said "do you mean the hours between 3pm and 6pm when I look after a 4 and 6 year old and (in just 4 afternoons per week) do the laundry, iron your shirts, shop, do the banking, listen to the children read, prepare dinner, bath the children, empty bins, and all the other stuff that happens invisibly in order that you can come home at 6pm to a nice, tidy, well ordered house?"

He was very nice to me after that. I don't begrudge what I do, it's just nice to know that it is appreciated.

Why are you washing towels after one use?? This is not good for you (time wise) or the environment

And what is happening to your house that needs 2 hours a day? How big is your house?

Also - with cleaning etc it is possible to do this when dcs are at home. SAHP do have a lot of time 'off'

THIS is way we need a SAHM topic because this thread has quickly become a SAHM/WOHM argy Barry over you works harder, people fitting stuff in whilst working etc which wasn't the point of the OP, the discussion should be about the balance of time off and expectations of the OP and her DH.

If it was in a SAHM topic then the OP would have got advice from other SAHM on how they deal with this attitude on their own families, advice on how to bring up the subject etc

I suppose it depends what you do do in the daytime. If you're expected to get laundry/cooking/chores done, then obviously it's U of your DH to day that. If you aren't then he's right. Depends on your particular lifestyle.

Oh dear, I'm a SAHM to a child in full-time school (but currently pregnant so I guess that makes it a bit 'better').

I mostly spend my time, cleaning the house, doing the shopping, laundry, household admin, gardening, emptying/sorting the garage (not long moved in), sorting the attic to find baby things, organising and supervising tradesmen, arranging appointments. I also spend a fair amount of time on the internet, crocheting or knitting and watching some TV.

The fact is, that DH doesn't have to do any of the jobs above in the evenings or during the weekends (and neither do I), so we can have quality family time then.

It also means that DH can work the hours he needs to, doesn't have to take time off for childcare due to sickness/holidays/inset days. So yes, I have a fairly relaxed day from 9am-3pm but it also makes DH's time more relaxed too.

I do remind DH of this fact and he's seen first hand how there's (usually) clean and ironed shirts in the wardrobe for him, that the lounge building work is underway without DH having to take any time off. It's still clear in his mind that everything was split 50/50 when we both worked f/t , I didn't do any of his ironing and our weekends were spent on household tasks.

THIS is why we need a SAHM topic

Exactly.

MNHQ-it would be nice to have a separate topic.

Allotments we a very time consuming hobby but if you choose to spend your holiday time doing that, up to you! Sounds lovely, quick whizz round clean, grab some groceries, spend the day gardening and painting.

I'm lucky because my DH is the SAHP - this means i can go to work and not worry about day to day stuff

However, he does have a more relaxed day than me (most of the time) but i wouldnt dream of saying "well you have x time off" your DH sounds like an idiot

Miaow Heels. What's your job? Writing posts on MN?

So basically what your dh wants is a bit of leisure time? A few hours in an evening after working all day. Basically the same few hours that you have to paint and enjoy your hobby at the allotment.

I don't think that's unfair. Not do I think you sit on your arse all day, but I would wager that you have a good amount of free time during school hours.

Also if it takes 9-3 for one parent to tidy a house/wash/cook etc how the hell do people with two parents working manage?!

Also if it takes 9-3 for one parent to tidy a house/wash/cook etc how the hell do people with two parents working manage?!

Things are done less frequently or thoroughly. I've been frowning at the kitchen floor for a week or so now and it's not getting any cleaner.

I have 2 in school and 1 in Playschool mornings
The thing is if I worked 9-5 so had to take children to breakfast club and pick them up at 6pm from after school club...
There would be no breakfast stuff to clear up as they would be having breakfast at school
There would be no toys out in the morning as there wouldn't be time for them to play
There would be no after school destruction either, we would come home have tea, bath and bed. No running in an out from activities, dumping stuff as we go, no train track gotten out all over the carpet, no glitter from dd latest creation etc etc so there would less mess to clear up,
I wouldn't be cooking as involved high prep meals as i do now, would be batch cooked frozen meals or stuff bunged in slow cooker etc so less cooking mess too

Well I think your dh is being unfair if his response to you leaving work due to ill health is to want to withdraw from family life.

exactly brie.

yes, my day as a SAHM is more 'leisurely' in that i can stop between jobs, have a cup of tea, meander around while doing my shopping...etc, but the flip side of that is that all the housework is done during 'school' hours so we can enjoy our evenings and weekends as a family.

The 'who works harder Sahm vs wohm' is such a silly, silly, pointless, no right answer, silly argument.

Every situation is different.

It also has no bearing on the op. The op has an illness which makes all these 'this is what I manage posts' absolutely ridiculous.

Try to actually read the ops posts, see how you can help her and respond accordingly, rather than just putting in your irrelevant twopenneth.

Only SAHMs take all day every day to do household tasks

Working parents still have housework, shopping, appointments etc on top of actual work!

I like my home to be spotless, it doesn't lack in any cleanliness just because I work. Likewise we all have breakfast and cook an evening meal. Lunches are made so thers just as much as a normal non working day.

Realistically food shopping and housework takes at most a couple of hours a day.

I think it's sad that your DH feels like this and makes you feel bad when you actually can't go out to work because you are ill. I'm sure he'd miss your contribution to the family a great deal of you didn't do those things.

I feel very lucky to work part time. I teach (usually) 3 days a week, occasionally more, and am home to sort things out, look after elderly MIL and be around for Dd after school. Just this weekend I mentioned to DW that I felt guilty that I had more downtime than her. She said not to be silly, that on my days "off" I was racing about sorting out her mum and the house and that I should enjoy my time to myself.

When I was ill for 3 years she never once moaned at me for taking time to rest. Yes, you have a bit more downtime, but you are there to sort the house, allotment and kids so he doesn't have to. He deserves time out too of course but it's sad that he can't be kinder and more supportive of you.

I'm sorry, but I still don't get what SAHM do all day when the kids are at school. Everyone has a lot of things in their lives these days, especially those of us who have to work long hours - whether or not they have a DP or DC - and then have to sort out the home/admin/cook etc in the evenings. It is exhausting having to deal with it all after working a long day and I for one would also feel the same way as the OP's DH. She has time to paint FFS! And really, getting stuck in traffic when grocery shopping is really not half as exhausting and demoralising as it is when you are running around having to visit 5 GP practices for meetings in one day - like I had to today. SAHP should go back to work for a day and then see who has the harder life. Sorry.

I work evenings and weekends so not a complete SAHM but am home in the days
I don't think you can compare like for like, for example yesterday I painted 3 pin boards for the kids to match their newly painted rooms, I went to the sewing shop to find some matching material to covers e board, wilkinsons to buy some nice pins for them.
If I worked I probably would have just splashed out on ready made boards but as I have the time I saved money and did them myself.
I do the scouts accounts which I wouldn't have volunteered to do If I worked full time
I'm making 50 cake pops for the scouts camp on the weekend, again if I worked full time I wouldn't and would just buy some cakes from the supermarket.
I can easily while away an hour on the Internet looking for ideas for the kids parties/Easter egg hunts/Xmas etc
We live in an affluent area and most people I know that work full time have a cleaner, gardener, des clothes out to be ironed, shopping delivered etc so don't do everything themselves. The other ones have grandparents doing childcare who also do washing, cleaning etc for them.

The thing is that if you are a SAHM you really do get to decide what you do with your time all day. Of course there are chores to be done, but by and large you can choose whether to do them between 9 and 3 or at some other time.

In relation to OP and her DH, I think the main point worth noting is not that OP can't do what she wants with her 9-3 time, but that the things she wants to do might not be possible in those hours. For example, she can't meet up with friends who work during those hours, she can't go to activites/classes that only run in the evening ...

i gave up my job in January after it became untenable for us as a family, but before that i worked saturdays and whatever i could do in the week as overtime once in a while.

My reasons for being a SAHM are not just about my children (oldest has SN that i have to be on hand to deal with) and household, but that i also have obligations to my mom who needs a hip replacement and my brother who has ME/CFS. I do a lot to help them out.

My day can vary but everything i do is very much coloured by how good or bad a day my DS is having as he has Dyspraxia, Sensory Processing Disorder, ASD and ADHD.

Sometimes my morning routine can take an hour, some days its longer, but i have to get up at 6.30 every day to make sure i have 'just in case' time to still get them out the door at 8.30.

3 days a week i spend doing my own housework, 2 days a week i spend doing my moms housework, shopping and walking her dog, sometimes its more if there is other stuff she needs doing/fetching. I have to do all my housework during school hours, simply because its near impossible to do anything beyond washing up with DS around because of his SPD.

I also have to field various appts with the NHS about DS with his therapy, i also usually end up being called into school a couple of times a week to talk to the Teacher or Senco.

It works for us, but it also works for a few of my friends who do work full time as i'm their emergency contact with the school for their kids and they know if they're stuck, i'm quite happy to pick them up and look after them for a bit if they need me to.

So, perhaps rather than telling us we should go back to work and see what its really like, maybe you should try understanding that not all of us SAHM are sitting on our backsides sipping tea all the time.

Zeezeek - I help out loads voluntarily at my children's school listening to them reading and helping with cooking, amongst other stuff. Possibly your own dc. You're welcome.
I also have a really really nice life, really enjoy my hours off and have never suggested it's harder.
(Of course the ops situation - whom we should be talking about - is totally different as she has an illness).
I'm not sure why so many on this thread seem to be competing for who has the hardest/worst life, and the winner seems to be the one who works the hardest! No thanks.

I've been a SAHM and a working Mum. Both are equally gut busting and hard. I wouldn't like to go back to being a SAHM as I love my job but juggling children and work has been a bit of a baptism of fire for both DH and I, because he's had to pick up the slack a little; as a SAHM I did everything so that he'd come home to a spotless house and a home cooked dinner each night. Now he's had to learn to pull his weight, to walk the dog every single day, to cook a proper tea each evening, to come home at a definite time in order to collect the DCs, to do bedtimes by himself. I thought it might kill him off at one point, especially the bedtimes as they run rings about him. But if anything it's taught him just how bloody hard I worked as a SAHM to fit all that juggling in without his help.

I have also been both (SAHM for a long time)

IMO, tasks just take up the time allotted to them

This is one of the reasons I went back to work - I had become incredibly inefficient, and the task you do do give a great deal of intrinsic enjoyment.

Also, I was fed up with doing more of that stuff than my DH