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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we should be told about this 30 hrs a week holiday?!

138 replies

feckthis · 19/05/2015 23:19

my DH has just told me that I as a SAHM have 30 hours a week to do what I want with while the DC are at school. I am outraged no one has seen fit to tell me of this important fact. AIBU?

OP posts:
Yarp · 20/05/2015 18:45

The tasks you do as a SAHM don't give a great deal of intrinsic enjoyment

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2015 18:55

They do for me yarp. That's a personal thing.

Yarp · 20/05/2015 18:57

arether

Yes, you are right - should not have generalised.

Funnily enough though, I enjoy cleaning now that I have much less time to do it.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2015 18:58

Oooh I'm the opposite! Music on, potter about.

ASorcererIsAWizardSquared · 20/05/2015 20:10

i MUCH more enjoy doing my housework when i'm on my own. i can blast my music, take my time and not have to wrangle an autistic child with sensory issues screaming at me to turn the hoover off, turn the washing machine off, stop the polish/wipes smelling so much....

the only thing i have to contend with now is the fecking cat trying to attack the duster.

LokiBear · 20/05/2015 20:27

I'm a working mum. I do all of the things that you have listed (except the allotment and illness) in addition to working. Our lives are different, but I wouldn't argue that mine is harder. I enjoy my job. I can't afford to be a sahm, but if I could, I probably wouldn't. You don't need to justify your day any more than I need to prove I manage to spend quality time with my dd as well as work. Just enjoy the life you lead and appreciate the perks it gives you.

arethereanyleftatall · 20/05/2015 20:35

Well said lokibear.

Fauxlivia · 20/05/2015 21:19

I've done both. Tbh my house didn't take so much time to clean when I was wohp because ds was making all his mess at my mum's! I do remember though, doing all my marking late at night when he was finally asleep.

As a sahp I do have days with quite a bit of free time but other days with very little. Sah means that when dhs mum was ill I was available to spend hours at the hospital and now she is no longer with us, it is me who is spending hours on the phone sorting everything out. So I would be pissed if dh didn't recognise the ways in which my efforts make his life easier.

IamJeff · 20/05/2015 21:57

The fact is it is not a holiday because you're so constrained by the time...ie a holiday would be not having to get up, get everyone sorted, school, etc , pick up etc...he's a plonker! 9-3 is not a long tome out of a day that starts at 6 and ends at 11.

Oliversmumsarmy · 21/05/2015 00:21

Everyone uses 1 towel after each shower, the thought of using a towel more than once to me is gross. Probably a little OCD on that issue. I cannot do anything in the evenings, I am out with after school activities directly from picking up dc from school/train station 3 nights per week. The other nights
I know I have issues about doing housework when children are at home. I know it can be traced back to my childhood when hearing the Hoover when I walked into the house meant bad news. I actually don't own a Hoover, I don't own a dishwasher or a microwave or a tumble dryer which might make my life easier I would have to redesign the kitchen to fit things in.

wibbleywee · 21/05/2015 05:17

Im sorry but most of the things SAHM's are rattling off that they do at home all also need to be done by working mums as well......

HagOtheNorth · 21/05/2015 06:05

Which is why a SAHP thread would be a good idea if people want to chat with others in th same situation. Both of my SILs and my Sis were SAHM for decades and I never truly understood their pain and stress and many of their concerns seemed petty and irritating.
So we didn't discuss it as a group, and stayed friends.

VelvetRose · 21/05/2015 06:12

Oliver's I like your Elvis Costello inspired user name!

SoupDragon · 21/05/2015 06:24

Oh, wook at all the WOHM coming out to bitch. What a surprise.

Doing the shit during the day means that the working partner doesn't have to do it thus freeing up leisure time. Thus it is valid to list all the stuff they do.

LokiBear · 21/05/2015 06:31

I wasn't bitching. I was supporting. The way I see it, there are perks to both being a stay at home parent and going to work. There are also downsides. The OP doesn't need to justify to herself or anyone else what she does with her time. From my own experience of maternity leave I know that sahm's do not have it 'easy'. However, she deserves to enjoy the position she holds just as I enjoy my job. Good luck, OP.

SoupDragon · 21/05/2015 06:39

Then it wasn't aimed at you was it? Most were bitching. As usual.

I'm going to hazard a guess that not one single WOHM counts time spent doing chores as "holiday" which was the actual point of the thread.

I couldn't give a stuff whether someone is a SAHM or WOHM. just stop the bitching about other people's choices.

HagOtheNorth · 21/05/2015 06:49

'Doing the shit during the day means that the working partner doesn't have to do it thus freeing up leisure time.'

Doesn't that mean if the WOTH partner comes home and it isn't all done, they get the right to complain and sit on their arses whilst the SAHP finishes up?
I've never thought that was the MN way. Grin

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 21/05/2015 06:50

It is totally valid.
But if you've spent years doing full time childcare and running a house, to suddenly have no childcare every day must free up some time. It must?! Yes, there will still be plenty to do and your partner should be grateful that the house stuff doesn't have to be done at the weekend. In fact, he probably doesn't have to do any of it. But you must have more free time than before.

Hotbot · 21/05/2015 07:02

Goodness me, think I'll just throw,out the home baked cake I've done, and the fresh meal I've cooked. I'll also shout at the kids for playing with their toys. Guess I should also give up my full time job as I'm clearly not as good as sahp.
Really lets stop this comparison now , life is tricky when your partner is not appreciating what you do, I suggest you stop doing what you are doing so he can see how much harder his life will be

SoupDragon · 21/05/2015 07:02

But if you've spent years doing full time childcare and running a house...

You mean being a full time mother?

TantrumsAndBalloons · 21/05/2015 07:03

It's not a holiday.

The rest is all bullshit as usual.

And the reason why apparently SAHMs can't ever complain or mention anything because they have all this free time.
I don't understand why people think it's their business to ask what a SAHM does all day. FFS at work yesterday I did very little. I drank loads of coffee, went for a nice lunch with my colleague and pottered about doing a bit of admin.

Is that anyone's business?

I'm not a SAHM btw, never have been. But this is all getting stupid now.

GuybrushThreepwoodMP · 21/05/2015 07:09

Whatever you want to call it.

Look I believe that being a sahm is a really valuable role and a really fucking hard one. The reason I work part time is partly because going out to work is easier than staying at home every day. I get to sit down and pee in private and drink tea. My days at home with 2 year old dd are hardcore.
I was making a statement of arithmetic, not judgement. I assume when dd goes to school, those two days a week I spend looking after her will have a bit more free time. How can it not? I'll still do all the cooking and housework that I currently do, I'll still make myself available if she's ill or whatever and will have to do the school run. But those hours that I spent entertaining her and doing things with her during what will be school hours will be freed up won't they?

howabout · 21/05/2015 07:19

I once actually counted it up (SAHM with too much time on her hands) I have six full weeks a year when the DC go to school for a full 30 hours! Think that just about covers my holiday entitlement Grin

RingforJeeves · 21/05/2015 07:53

When I was a SAHM and the DC were at school I spent maybe 2 hours a day on things like cleaning, shopping, sorting bills, cooking etc. And that was when everything was kept to a very high standard eg. spotless house, meal planning, everything that could be ironed was ironed, ridiculously thorough paperwork system. Plus if I had of worked hard and fast instead of dithering around slowly while listening to music or watching TV I could have cut that in half (as I now have to).

Then there were a few hours a week at the school, and a few hours volunteering elsewhere, plus some family commitments and a little bit of work I did for DH's business. Still, even in a busy week when some unplanned tasks or problems came up, unless the DC were sick and off school, I always had at least 10 hours a week during the day time that was completely my own. I read a ton, was up to date on all my favourite shows, caught up with friends, joined some different groups/took up a few hobbies...it was lovely. Probably the most relaxing period of my life as an adult.

Now that I'm working again I have an hour at night to read or watch TV (which I also did as a SAHM), and maybe a couple of hours to myself every second weekend or so if DH and the DC are otherwise occupied outside the home. As a SAHM just having 10-20 hours a week available to be at home alone was amazing, even if I was doing laundry. It's that part of it I really miss. But them I'm a major introvert.

I don't think it's knocking SAHM's by saying they have more free time if all the DC are in school. Surely that's part of the reason many people become SAHM's in the first place, less stress and juggling. That was a huge factor to me.

Sallystyle · 21/05/2015 08:11

I was a SAHM to school aged children until last week. I was a carer as well but not during school hours as such.

I had heaps of time for myself! I got bored a lot of the time as there wasn't much to do.

Obviously for OP it is different but I do laugh when people with children at school who don't work make out they work hard all the time. I say that as someone who was a SAHM for 16 years and have SAH with school aged children for years as well.

It is much easier if you do housework as you go along. Wipe things down after every meal etc. I have five children and dogs and cats so my house gets messy quickly so I have to be on top of it, but apart from the odd big job I never spend all day doing housework.

Your husband's attitude sucks though OP, but in general I agree that SAHP to school aged children have loads of time to do what they want with.