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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think we should be told about this 30 hrs a week holiday?!

138 replies

feckthis · 19/05/2015 23:19

my DH has just told me that I as a SAHM have 30 hours a week to do what I want with while the DC are at school. I am outraged no one has seen fit to tell me of this important fact. AIBU?

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 19/05/2015 23:46

YANBU, he's an utter plank for pointing it out and keeping score, particularly when your illness makes things more difficult for you.

That said, I do sometimes wonder what SAHMs do when their DC go to school. That's not a criticism, btw!

GiddyOnZackHunt · 19/05/2015 23:48

Ooh the highlight facility is case sensitive but login isn't.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 19/05/2015 23:53

Sorry. What does he want you to do? Find a local job from 9.15 to 2.45 with flexibility to cope with your illness, dc's holidays and sickness and anything else? Oodles of those about Hmm
Start spending all week painting and looking for the mythical job and don't do anything extra over what you do when the DC are home.

Original poster
feckthis · 20/05/2015 00:01

he doesn't 'want' me to do anything he says, just wants me to accept it as ok that he can go out in the evening whenever he feels like it, while I shouldn't need to go out or indeed expect him to come to family events if he doesnt want to because I can do what I want in my 30 hours and I don't work. tbh its laughable as, while I may be ill, I do still want a normal adult social life (or at least a bit of one) and see my family - twat. think ive answered my question...

OP posts:
Original poster
feckthis · 20/05/2015 00:03

oh, I forgot, I cant work anyway due to my illness...I had to give it up. catch 22.

OP posts:
GiddyOnZackHunt · 20/05/2015 00:05

Ah that's the angle. So he wants 30 hours to himself as well as you covering family support during his working hours.
He's being a twat. And missing the idea of family totally.

taxi4ballet · 20/05/2015 00:10

24 x 7 = 168 hours. Maybe you do get 30 hours off but... you are either on-duty or on-call for the other 138!

WereJamming · 20/05/2015 00:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Usernamegone · 20/05/2015 00:25

Assuming your DH works 9-5 and gets 8 hours sleep then he get a whole 8 hours holiday a day Monday to Friday then 48 hours holiday (Saturday and Sunday) making 88 hours 'holiday' per week. whereas you only have 30 hours of 'holiday' per week assuming you have 8 hours sleep then spend the rest of the time looking after the house and the DC's. By my calculations your DH should be taking 29 hours off your work off of you so you both have 59 hours of 'holiday' per week!

SouthernComforts · 20/05/2015 00:26

I work evenings and weekends and I absolutely love the school hours. 6 hours of napping, watching box sets, leisurely baths etc. Obviously some days are spent just doing chores, but on the whole I would class it as 'me time'

Original poster
Feckthis · 20/05/2015 00:41

I'm off to bed...get my strength up for TomorrOws holiday [Hmm

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 20/05/2015 06:51

Out of my 30 hours "holiday" I spend 10 hours sitting in traffic jams in the car either coming or goingon the school run. It can take me 2 hours to clean the house each day. I then have laundry at least 15 loads per week, we never use a bath towel twice, dd and ds can have between them up to 7 different uniforms on some days. Then I have shopping, it can take 1 hour just driving and sitting in traffic to get to and back from the shops, never mind actually doing the shopping, queuing up etc. Even if I did a big weekly shop then I would still have to go out for top ups of fruit and veg during the week. I have barely enough time to eat.

Whilst in theory if you drop your child at 9 and pick up at 3 it appears you have 6 hours per day. But at 9am you do not magically materialise back at your home ready to start your 6 hours of "freedom" nor do you at 3pm materialise back at the school gate or at the supermarket or dry cleaners etc

My dh thought I was a fan of Loose Women, Neighbours and various other day time programmes until he was off for a few weeks and realised the tv never goes on. He came with me everywhere I went. He could not get his head round the time it takes him to get to the same shop to get his paper at 6am on a Saturday morning compared with the traffic jams to get to the same shop at 1pm on a weekday.

DocHollywood · 20/05/2015 07:01

But every time he's out enjoying himself, you are back 'working', looking after the children. What happens at the weekend, do you share all the tasks? If he does it all while you slob on the sofa I can see his point, otherwise not. If you do the lion's share I would put in for overtime.

FannyFanakapan · 20/05/2015 07:09

my day starts at 5am. I take DS to his sport session, bring him home, make lunches, take them to school, walk the dog. Then do a couple of hours housework, shopping, gardening etc. Yes, I get to take a couple of hours off around lunchtime and the afternoon, before schlepping out to do the school run, then back to cries of "whats for dinner" and making and clearing up afterwards. 3 days a week I take DS out again for his sports training, and have to either stay or collect at 9-9:30.

I consider myself a shift worker, those 3 hours at lunchtime are offset by many hours in the evening.

DH works away. Spends his life in meetings. He leaves the office at 5-6pm, goes to the gym, goes to the pub, goes to nice restaurants. Who works harder?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/05/2015 07:12

Sorry..but I work 2 days a week and the rest of the time am a carer for DD who is very high needs and the time when she is at school IS a very luxurious rest time. I sympathise with OP being ill but others cannot make out they are hard done by because they go to the shops.

MaureenMacnally · 20/05/2015 07:21

I'm really genuinely not being snippy about SAHMs here at all, but stuff like laundry, cleaning and cooking all gets done in houses where the adults(s) work. Only they also fit in a job in the day.

You have health issues so that's a totally different matter, but apart from that I find it hard to generally accept that an adult who doesn't have paid employment while their school-age children are in school doesn't have bucket loads more time than those who work. Over a 24 hour period, everyone needs to do basic keep-the-house/running stuff...what do you think happens in households where the adult(s) work? They just starve and live in squalor?

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/05/2015 07:23

Agreed.

diddl · 20/05/2015 07:28

"just wants me to accept it as ok that he can go out in the evening whenever he feels like it, while I shouldn't need to go out or indeed expect him to come to family events if he doesnt want to because I can do what I want in my 30 hours"

Well that's just ridiculous!

AuntyMag10 · 20/05/2015 07:36

Sorry op but being 'on call' isn't really work is it. And when kids are at school it is much easier.

Athrawes · 20/05/2015 07:37

Oh poor little you. Those of us who have jobs out of the home also cook, clean, do school runs, shop etc etc. The reality is that you are getting a whole heap of free time to indulge your hobby, that you can go to the gym and meet similarly burdened kept women during the day. Your husband earns the money to keep you in this lifestyle and I think he is entitled to his own time to himself.

BlackeyedSusan · 20/05/2015 07:37

my ex was of this opinion as well. a couple of days after he was looking after the children while I did something else, I came back to pots everywhere. I queried the mess and was moaned at that it was too difficult to wash up when the children were there. he got "the look." you know the one that says this is wha I do all week with the children there, and you complain is easy and having loads of time, yet you can not manage it because it is too difficult.

other times he would complain that it was easier for me as I was a woman...

anyway feckthis... your h is an arse who wants to use you not working as an excuse to do bugger all.

does not matter if you do do nothing all day because you are too ill to work... this is what marriage is, in sickness and health and all that. (would matter if you were not ill, but there still a massive amoutn of almost unseen stuff that gets done. ex seemed to think the fridge stayed whiet as it was a new (year old) fridge. never occured to him that it was wiped down every now and again.

I second, or third, or is it fourth the suggestion that you take the full 30 hours when the children are next in school for a week and see what h thinks then.

BabyGanoush · 20/05/2015 07:41

How can you live with a wanker with an attitude like that?!

Who enables him to have a career as you have the kids when they are sick or on holiday? School is only 30 weeks out of 52!

Saying that, make sure you bloody well enjoy your time to yourself. Make the most of it.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 20/05/2015 07:43

Well said, Maureen. It's different for the OP as she's ill, but in every household where both parents work full time, the regular household jobs get done and they do NOT take 30 hours per week.

DH and I clean the house in 2 hours flat, laundry gets done when needed (takes 5 mins to stick a load in the machine), shopping ets done weekly, and cooking get done nightly.

When my dc first went to school I worked evenings. I managed to fit in all the housework and had loads of time to have coffee with friends, go to the gym, do pretty much what I wanted. I certainly didn't spend 30 hours a week doing chores. Maybe 6 or 7.

HagOtheNorth · 20/05/2015 07:43

I think this is one of those posts that needs to be on the proposed SAHP thread. Smile
Your children are at school, you have 30 hours not being a parent. I can see his point. Your illness is a different additional factor.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 20/05/2015 07:57

Yes his attitude is a separate issue.

My DH is positively pleased if I have a rest day when kids are at school.

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