to tell DH I will feed myself

[DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel]

DH does the cooking in our house. He plans (with a bit of help) and cooks our evening meals.

I, however would like to lose some weight. While I realise that its down to me what goes in my mouth. DH doesnt exactly encourage or support me. When I tell him I want to eat less or cut out certain foods he reacts with a comment along the lines of not having fun. Tonight when I said I need to stop eating crap like bicuits, ice cream, chocolate his reaction was about eating boring.

Im considering the only way I am going to be able to succeed in losing weight is to sort my own food out with what I want rather than what he wants to cook. I dont want high carbs every night. I dont want a massive amount of calories. But I kind of feel like I have to eat what he cooks. Tonight it was jacket potato with cheese and beans, tomorrow it is burgers and mash with beans. We also have sausage and chips on Thursday.

Im thinking of 5:2 with a little bit of low carbing. If I continue to let DH cook for me, I have no chance of sticking to my plans.

We ended up eating different meals when I pur on loads on weight eating what my husband/children did.

Normally I just eat smaller portions, but sometimes I sub salad for rice/potatoes/bread.

My husband isn't that bothered though, so if he happens to be cooking he doesn't mind if I sub stuff. We are a kind of 'food as fuel' house .

We also have picky children, so different things for dinner are not that unusual.

YANBU.

I am dieting and exercising and generally trying to get fit and lose weight. DH literally cannot get the concept of low carb so I just cook for myself now.

As an aside, I didn't get on with 5:2. I found I was binging on the 'on' days which negated the effects of the 'off' days.

I think only a very few lucky women can eat the same as their ohs and not put on weight. I lost a couple of stone after my first baby over a year later but I never ate the same as my oh at dinner time. Maybe you could just eat the protein part of his meals but with salad, so instead of sausage and chips, have him cook the sausages for you but have a salad or just veg with it.

Can you not eat the "main" part of his meals but substitute the chips/mash with salad or veg? Seems a bit of a faff to cook a completely separate meal every night.

you should have said to leave the cheese off yours, then it would have been much healthier..

Ooh good idea about having salad/veg rather than the chips/mash etc. It sounds so obvious too.

Ive not looked into it that much, but I thought cheese was allowed on low carb, its the potato that is the problem.

I think you are being slightly ridiculous in blaming someone else for your weight gain.

Your husband should not have to be responsible for creating a meal plan so that you can lose weight. Create your own. Your weight, your responsibility. Blaming your husband is the easy way out and just an excuse.

This is why I do the cooking, plus dh can't really cook except frozen pizza/sausage and chips type things.

Yanbu to cook for yourself, ywbu expecting your dh to make you something different though.

I'm trying to lose weight so I've cut out most chocolate and crisps and started eating less. I usually just ear smaller portions or add extra veg in place of mash. If dh and the kids are having shepherds pie I'll either just have the mince/gravy/veg part without the mash or I'll make a quick stir fry for me instead.

Ridiculous is a bit harsh - it's easier at the end of the day to eat what's being served rather than fuss around cooking something else, and it's definitely not hard to fall into a rut of eating crap, especially when it's literally offered on a plate.

I get this as I'm currently trying to lose weight and dh does the cooking. He knows what it means to me though and does try although sometimes his choices aren't as healthy as he thinks they are!
Can you meal plan with your dh for the week ahead when you do your food shopping? Agree with substituting the less healthy parts is a good plan. I'm doing my fitness pal app so I can track my food and nutrition and eat better and it's quite easy. good luck op

it didnt sound like you were blaming him? just his attitude towards you wanting to lose weight sucked he sounds as supportive as cheddar cheese my ex tried to blame me for his weight gain i tell him no one makes you eat three portions you do that all by yourself

moderate your portions and swap chips for salad it will be a start you dont need to follow an actual diet just tweak yours

I do think me eating the food that DH cooks is contributing to my weight yes, but while I realise that its down to me. He is my biggest downfall. Also the fact that whenever I ask or mention that I want smaller portions or different food it gets met with comments or eye-rolling.

I always thought it would be me feeding myself. I wouldn't dream of getting him to cook for the DCs and me separately.

Its very easy to just eat what is there, yes. Especially as it leads to a quiet life.

I think you should be a bit more decisive and assertive but at the same time be nice about it. Decide what you want to eat and tell your dh in a very assured way that you are going to be eating this and if he has time to cook it for you it would be appreciated but if not you will be happy to cook yourself. If he says its no fun say you are happy with it and will enjoy the health benefits of losing weight so its worthwhile.

Just joking really but you could tell him that feeling fat is affecting your sex drive

Also eating healthy at all other times than dinner will help a lot. Cutting out most snacks and eating a really healthy breakfast and lunch will mean you can be a little more relaxed about dinner.

You're right cherry I do need to be assertive. I spend too long just keeping the piece and putting up with stuff. In general I mean. All I want is a bit of support really. Im more than happy to do the stuff myself. I can make salad easily and its not a problem to warm up some veg to go with my meals.

I just want to stress again that Im fully aware its down to me what I eat, but I just need to get DH on board with me not eating certain things. I do feel like my best chance is to not eat the full meals and that means having certain things missed off my plate (like chips etc)

I am doing low carb bootcamp at the moment and I just sort myself out, either me or dh whoever is in first cooks the main meal for dh and dc's then I cook what I want later.

I have smoothie for breakfast and salad for lunch.

I take to work grapes, banana and cheese to snack on. I know low carb means cutting the fruit, but I really dont know what else healthy I can take for a snack. I dont like nuts or seeds type of thing and I refuse to stink out the office with eggs.

Try to cut out snacking altogether it takes a while to get used to but you will if you stick with it. You can replace a lot of snacks by just drinking water or a hot drink like herbal tea (if being healthy) or real tea.

Ive tried and tried again to get into tea, of all kinds. I never get into it.

I only drink water at work. In the 8 weeks Ive been there Ive not had a single drink of anything else. Im trying the snacking cut down, but I get really hungry. And no its not bored/tired hungry or thirst (I drink a good 2 litres during my work day) I do all the tricks drink water, go for a 5 min break etc. I have tried before and will try again, but I really need to look at my evening meals, that's where my calories/carbs etc come from.

Im considering some sort of protein shake at some point in my day to try to keep hunger away.

I feel rude saying this, but those evening meals are not very healthy for anyone. I'd cook them all, but not three nights in a row.
But can you at least modify them- half a jacket with cheese beans and salad/ burger with no bread or mash and salad?
Could you use this as an opportunity to get you all eating better- meal plan together and talk about what you like and what's healthy?

Not rude, just telling the truth. Its the reason I came on AIBU not another area of MN.

Yes to cutting the chips etc but also watch the burgers...any processed food is more fatty. Lean meat like chicken...also get some frozen fish if you're on a budget...eat that either in a curry with no cream....or steamed with vegetables.

Have one day per week when you relax a LITTLE bit and have A biscuit or a pack of crisps...eat three meals a day....no mayo....and watch what you drink.

I must say this also...low carb is not realistic for most people.

Cutting out processed foods as much as possible IS realistic. And it works....

Is he trying to save money? If so i understand but if you don't need to be on low budget then he can do fish i.e. salmon fillets with steamed veg which is healthy for all the family. He and dcs can have some baby potatoes too.
Eggs with salad.
Steak with med style veg.