to tell DH I will feed myself

[DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel]

DH does the cooking in our house. He plans (with a bit of help) and cooks our evening meals.

I, however would like to lose some weight. While I realise that its down to me what goes in my mouth. DH doesnt exactly encourage or support me. When I tell him I want to eat less or cut out certain foods he reacts with a comment along the lines of not having fun. Tonight when I said I need to stop eating crap like bicuits, ice cream, chocolate his reaction was about eating boring.

Im considering the only way I am going to be able to succeed in losing weight is to sort my own food out with what I want rather than what he wants to cook. I dont want high carbs every night. I dont want a massive amount of calories. But I kind of feel like I have to eat what he cooks. Tonight it was jacket potato with cheese and beans, tomorrow it is burgers and mash with beans. We also have sausage and chips on Thursday.

Im thinking of 5:2 with a little bit of low carbing. If I continue to let DH cook for me, I have no chance of sticking to my plans.

Right starting my OP again AIBU to tell DH that I feed myself on a night as I dont want the meals he is preparing?

For example this week we are having/have had Spaghetti Bologneise, Jacket with cheese and beans, Burgers and mash, Sausages and chips.

I want to eat less, but eat better. But as DH does the cooking and meal planning unless I do something else Im stuck with these types of meals.

"Lentil loaf sounds vile as does tofu"
This^^ has made me cross. You're fat and unhappy, he doesn't listen to you and is eating his way to a coronary and you're reacting like a 10 year old to helpful suggestions.
Perhaps try some different foods when on holiday?

Another x post
We advised you to eat a small portion of the meat and carb with salad.

Im only a size 14 so not that fat

you did seriously which I intend to this week, but others have suggested I go all health food or become a vegetarian. No to both of those.

Can you look at something like slimming world recipes which everybody can eat. With a few exceptions my family have not realised they were having "diet" food. I fully understand how you feel. My DH is not supportive as he knows he should lose weight too!

I think you do need to sort your own food out, op or get your DH to cook a few vegan meals per week (he can have his cheese and a burger on tge side extra; you all get your cooked veggies.
Also, swap to wholemeal and wholegrain breads and pastas and flours.

Perhaps you could have one or two nights when you cook. Make things like pizzas and curries from scratch, veggie burgers and steak with hearty salads.

Another option is to give up dairy. It's helping me lose weight, having tried everything else. Use oat or soya milk in tea and coffee and stop having cheese in evening meals (say you will get your cheese at lunch time, if tou still want some now and then so you can control the portions and have the afternoon to digest it).

I used 'fat and unhappy' to describe the state of mind that led you to posting here. 14 isn't fat and I'm sure you're lovely but that diet really isn't healthy and bends addressing- particularly if he's feeding it to children.

Giving up dairy sounds a bit easier, but does it count if I dont think I have that much? I dont drink tea or coffee so no milk there. Cheese I could stop to be fair. But all I do eat is cheese in regards to dairy. Are eggs dairy?

I suggested steak this week, but that was swapped to the jackets last night.

I dont have any bread and dont think anything has flour with it. Nothing that gets cooked does anyway. Could look at wholegrain pasta though.

OR tou just let him carry on and you buy a set of smaller dinner plates (about 7-8 inches across) and you serve yourself. Put tour own portions on the plate and ask him to always do more veg and salad (with at least 4/5 different veg) per meal.

How do I get DH on board though? He doesn't care and if I suggest anything its met with comments. Thats the main thing I need to do then I can look at what to eat.

Lentil loaf sounds vile as does tofu. I dont like healthy food *

Fine- but that is why you are a size 14.

You sound yound very fussy- just like some three year olds.
" I don't like fish" " I don't like healthy food" "
"Lentil loaf sounds vile as does tofu. I dont like healthy food "

Eat your chips and sausage then, but be prepared to stay fat. You should cook yourself- not expect OH to do it for you if he is happy.

Do your own cooking OP.

Prop I know meat or fish aren't the only choices....don't worry...my DH is vegan...I cook ALL kinds of food but OP is hardly going to go from burgers and sausages to quinoa and lentils is she?

Your example meals are all lacking in vegetables. You really should be incorporating peas, green beans, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage into your meals on a regular basis. Not all at once but it makes for variety!
It doesn't have to be fresh, frozen veg has as much nutrition and is ready chopped to use immediately.

OP...you are used to a plain diet...burgers, mince, mash, etc....you can still eat meat but it needs to be a better cut. You can have some rice and some pasta but not much....just add more veg and salad.....less carbs. If you want structure then join weight watchers.

Dairy foods come from cows, so eggs are not dairy. You can probably find studies ro show that 'eating more than 3 eggs a week is bad for you' to show him. I used to hate eggs and never ate them, now we have a 2 egg omelette night (no cheese - lots of herbs and veg) every week.

I think what you are after is 'clean eating' op. It's a thing! Have a look with your DH and see what you both think.

The thing with wholegrain pasta is you need less of it and you are getting more nutrients, esp protein, so no need for meat with every meal (he needs more protein than you though) it does help.

He could also try baked sweet potatoes instead of white jacket potatoes as they are easier to digest too.

Instead of cheese, a tomato and onion herby salsa makes a good dairy free alternative, add a small can of kidney beans and its far better for you than the baked beans and cheese.

(I've been forced to make these changes by a teenager who has threatened to move out, and we have all benefitted from it. It is worth making the effort to actually cook, not just heat up an endless supply of pre-cooked and over processed 'food').

mrsnextdoor- sorry didn't mean to snap. THaere are some great veg/vegan alternatives, one of our favourites is Iceland Spicy beanburgers ( 4 for 99p), they are vegan, and only 134 calories each. Although we eat meat, my whole family prefer these to beef varieties.

TBH the OP sounds very precious.

Eating more veg is the only way to go, but as she says she "doesn't like healthy food".

I don't think she is really prepared to help herself then.

Stop looking for faddy diets or cutting food out. Eat healthily, eat less, move more. You can stop eating when you are full, you are choosing not to. You can make healthier choices, you are choosing not to. You are blaming your DH for your choices, if you stop eating the food, he will stop putting it on your plate.
I am aware that this sounds harsh and I normally wouldn't be this blunt but your posts give a clear impression of a woman who is looking for a magic answer but doesn't want to try different things. If you change your diet your preferences will change, you will find that you no longer want to eat greasy processed food, but would choose healthy food instead, you just need to stop discounting people's suggestions.

Mrsstarlord well said- you have hit the nail on the head.

Ok...maybe to get your DH on board you.let him carry on, but you prepare extra veg per night. You get your smaller dinner plate and put your evening meal on it: at least half should be covered with your not veggies (not root veggies apaet from orange ones; potatoes etc go in the carb section), a fifth - quarter the protein, a fifth - quarter the carbs. Just start doing it and potting up his leftovers for lunches, or freeze it and say that's enough for your meal in a few days.

HOW CAN WE HELP THE OP DEAL WITH A DH WHO IS HAPPY TO SABOTAGE A DIET?

Sorry, OP, you may be better starting a new thread as this is all diet and not feeder.

If you have explained it all to him, and he is eye rolling and being sarky, when he puts the plate down, I suggest that you go to the bin and discard all the excess. It hurt to type that, as I hate food waste, but that would be the start. Or, less dramatic, try just putting it on a separate plate and put it in the fridge 'for later'.

Can you pick up a bag of salad on the way home and ask him to use that instead of the carbs? If he is putting grated cheese on the potatoes, you could have some of the cheese uncooked on the plate with the salad.

Is he funny about anything else?

I went low carb, best thing I ever did. Convinced it's carbs that are killing people and not fat. I have lost weight and feel amazing. Do it gradually at first and substitute things like sweet potato wedges instead of chips, swede and carrot mash instead of potato. You will gradually start to lean towards that food and you will find normal mash and chips taste plain.
I have banana omelette with honey and cinnamon for breakfast everyday instead of toast or cereal and it keeps me full.
I make healthy apple crumble with stewed apple with cinnamon and honey, good quality muesli for crunch and some vanilla coconut cream on top.

Be inventive and find what you like, you won't regret it.

Second the slimming world suggestion. You can still have every single one of those things you're eating you just make some adjustment. Sainsburys be good to yourself sausages are not vegetarian but they are fairly nice, lowish fat cumberland sausages. Also you can make homemade burgers very easily and use 5% mince. The chips are cooked in the oven using frylight instead of oil. Ive lost 1st9lb so far. Would your husband think about making that sort of change?