to tell DH I will feed myself

[DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel]

DH does the cooking in our house. He plans (with a bit of help) and cooks our evening meals.

I, however would like to lose some weight. While I realise that its down to me what goes in my mouth. DH doesnt exactly encourage or support me. When I tell him I want to eat less or cut out certain foods he reacts with a comment along the lines of not having fun. Tonight when I said I need to stop eating crap like bicuits, ice cream, chocolate his reaction was about eating boring.

Im considering the only way I am going to be able to succeed in losing weight is to sort my own food out with what I want rather than what he wants to cook. I dont want high carbs every night. I dont want a massive amount of calories. But I kind of feel like I have to eat what he cooks. Tonight it was jacket potato with cheese and beans, tomorrow it is burgers and mash with beans. We also have sausage and chips on Thursday.

Im thinking of 5:2 with a little bit of low carbing. If I continue to let DH cook for me, I have no chance of sticking to my plans.

I think you should stop eating when full or alternatively after he has dished up, work out how much you really want to eat and push the remainder on to his plate or refrigerate it. You don't have to pass comment.

His diet choices don't sound the most healthy anyway.

I do the cooking my our house and when my OH decides he needs a diet I just change the meal plans. Very easy to find low fat and healthy meals we both like.

Why would any partner not do this for the other?

Some of these responses are weird.

OP, YANBU. I totally get where you're coming from. Your DH sounds very unsupportive - what's with the comments and eye-rolling when you ask for healthy substitutions, or smaller portions? That's not nice behaviour. Is there some reason why he doesn't want you to lose weight, or does he have some weird thing about you needing to eat all the food he's lovingly prepared for you or it'll mean you've gone off him and are eyeing up the milkman, or summat?

I've just caught what you said about
"I already spend too long keeping the peace and putting up with stuff".

Yeah. Sounding worse and worse, if I'm honest. Sorry.

YABU not to want the entire family to eat more healthily. Where's the green veg?

Dh is low carbing. I usually have either veg or salad on the side. He does not have potatoes & rice, he has extra salad and veg instead. I just make extra salad or Cook more veg for him.

But today, we had sausages, pesto pasta, cous cous, salad (had to empty out the fridge. He had a massive salad With smoked salmon, and couscous. A feast....

Puntastic you missed part of the quote that puts that sentence in context. I need to be more assertive in general. Like work, friends, other people I know etc

YANBU to start with.

But I do agree that the whole family's menu could do with a bit of an overhaul.

Low-carbing can be very effective for losing weight, but I wonder if you'd need to be eating a separate faddy diet if there was a healthier meal on offer to start with. Processed meats, chips and beans are OK every now and then but aren't really daily food IMO.

Right to answer a few more replies. I was watching something at the same time.

Re processed foods, all our meat including burgers, sausages etc is bought from a butchers. So yes while it is probably parts of cows and pigs that are not good enough for steaks etc, they are (I think and hope) better than the items from the frozen isle.

The only fish I like comes in batter. TBF Ive only tried prawns, sea bass, tuna steak and salmon. Didn't like any of it. But that's not to say there's not another fish I do like.

I know that completely low carb is not realistic for me, hence why Im not joining the boot camps run by BIWI. However, I realise that something has to give. Im only a couple of stone overweight, but it is all on my belly area and I believe carbs and sugar bloat you up (so I think Ive read anyway)

Stopping eating when full is easier said then done when its on the plate. At least it is for me.

I think for now I need to leave the potato products and eat salad or veg instead. I also think I need to be more assertive when saying I only want one burger or two sausages or whatever rather than letting him pile my plate just to say to leave it if I get full. I keep forgetting to eat slow. Usually because Im ravenous by the time Im eating. Plus it tastes good.

Also he's not abusive unlike a quote from me earlier looked. He just believes that you have to eat so you might as well enjoy it. Plus he has no idea about portion sizes. Those ready meals you get in supermarkets, well he thinks one isn't enough for one person.

Thanks for your replies. Right now Im off to bed. Will tackle tomorrow's meal tomorrow.

Saucy yes I agree, but Im hoping that once I start to eat better others will naturally follow suit. DD1 will most likely. DS not sure. DD2 will only eat if she wants.

OP even if they're from the butcher, burgers and sausages aren't a good food choice. THey're fatty...you need to face up to the fact that meat which is lean or fish...is the only sensible choice when it comes to losing weight.

they are (I think and hope) better than the items from the frozen isle.

No- as others have said they contain a lot of fat ( and therefore calories).

A single chicken breast (100g) contains 172 calories and is 13% fat, 100g of sausages contain 300 calories and 45% fat.

mrsnextdoor- meat or fish is not the only way to go.
If you don't like fish you could think about vegetarian food- two quorn sausages contain 142 calories and only 4.2% fat.
You could substitute the burgers for a lentil loaf, cut into slices and freeze, take out as required, you could have that with just a few chips and a mound of salad or vegetables.
Although I do eat meat I adore tofu, either in a broth with loads of lightly poached veg, or in a stir fry, with minimal oil, but packed full of ginger, garlic, soy sauce, and just a handful of cooked noodles.
A massive plateful of this is very filling and very low on calories.

Why don't you just cook for everyone instead. You can make lentil burgers, replace the beans with green beans or carrots and a homemade tomato sauce. Mash isn't too bad, just a small portion for you and less butter in it. Sausages..... I don't think processed meat is healthy for anyone, but you can make chickpea croquettes. Lots of protein rich soups.

I cook masses of veggie stuff and have meat as roast dinners at the weekends. The kids eat everything I make, dh eats it, even though he's been brought up on a traditional meat and two veg.

It's cheaper, and definitely healthier. The kids still get sausages etc, when they are at parties and so on.

Thanks for the dieting advice. With all due respect that wasnt what I was asking. I was asking how to deal with DH. This is only this week. The shopping is done. Im not going to get anywhere in a week. I can't do really much until next month as we are going away so I was thinking when I come back.

Lentil loaf sounds vile as does tofu. I dont like healthy food so Im looking to cut down on the food I do eat and make the odd substitution here and there to healthier options.

As I said we eat all those meals (athlete family except me!) and I will literally have one sausage a couple of oven chips and salad. I'm quite greedy but I am not overweight I think, because I consciously think when plating up 'what should a sedentary woman eat, am I full now? Yeah '
We had burgers at the weekend and I had mine with loads of pickles on one slice of burger bun. Mustard, pickles etc. make a small meal more palatable.
But as propel says those high fat meats aren't healthy- no one should be eating several sausages or burgers daily.
Can you approach it from his health angle?

Why don't you just cook for everyone instead Because Im rubbish at cooking. Plus DH enjoys it. Its just what we do. He does the cooking and cleaning. I do the laundry and work while he is SAHD

I have finally finally managed to lose some weight, but have to be on the case as it goes back on so easily. If I were you I would definitely eat more at lunchtime, something protein based, perhaps eggs or lentils, and then you will find it easier to resist food at tea time. I would also really talk to dh about how important it is to you that you lose this weight, and agree that the way forward is to have bits of what everyone else is having, with a pile of vegetables, it is exactly what I do. Good luck. Bloody hard work, but I feel like I have got myself back.

Can you approach it from his health angle he doesnt care about his health. Ive tried.

I do take in eggs for lunch, but I have lunch at 1 and then by the time it comes to tea time its 5 hours later.

Massive x post.
Sorry you don't want to consider the health implications- it would be a shame if you lost weight temporarily but missed the opportunity to both eat more healthily. The implications could be life changing.

Nuts are also filling, avocados and bananas.

Im sure low carb was high fat. Not that I want to go too bad the other way, but like I said this is this weeks food there is no reason to think that it will be the norm every week. I also wanted to say what we were having this week to show that its not healthy, but while DH does the cooking and most of the meal planning unless I do something about it Im kind of stuck with eating these unhealthy meals.

DH is a grown man and can eat what he likes. Its not for me to say.

This is why I want to prepare my own meals for me. So I can choose the healthier options.

I dont like nuts. Yeah Im a bit fussy really. Probably years of a bad diet.

if you dont like healthy food then your only option really is to just have much smaller portions of what your dp cooks you. Try half size portions and then fill the rest of the plate up with vegetables/salad