To think that children/toddlers hitting is not "natural exploration"?

[MrsNextDoor]

I fully expect to be told that I am BU here because it's something I see on here a lot...the expectation that SOME toddlers/children will and do hit, bite or attack others as a way of exploring and my favourite..."testing boundaries"

My 2 DDs have never once hit another child. Not once. Why are some more likely to do it than others? THey've got to have seen/learned it somewhere...older siblings maybe who've learned it at school? If so then that is not natural...it's not innate...it's learned.

I don't think it IS natural and I don't think that this is any excuse. I may be deluded oweing to the fact that my two have never hit bitten or in any other way hurt another child but am I really? Mine are ten and seven. I took them to lots of groups etc before they began school and not one time did they hit another toddler.

DS1 never hit. I was smug.

DS2 goes through phases of hitting. I am considerably less smug.

Oops must have hit post without finishing.

I don't think it is "natural exploration" - to use the word "natural" is to condone the behaviour as part of toddlers' nature, and it shouldn't be condoned at all.

However, your original post seems to consist of "My two are lovely kids! My two are lovely! They've never hit anyone! Did I tell you how lovely my two are? They're lovely!"

I'm sure they are, but their examples don't really support your central claim - so was this an actual question, or were you just looking for a pat on the back re: your kids?

Perhaps your kids op will just be passive aggressive judgemental souls as I imagine that isclearned behaviour ,and wont they be a joy to have on play dates.

Yabu.

My DS didn't hit, but there were a couple of times when he bit me out of frustration (when he was about 2). He grew out of it.

My Nephew was a hitter at about 18months old. I assumed he would grow out of it, with some encouragement and us all telling him 'no', 'removing him' etc. unfortunately, he is still a hitter now at the age of 7. He hits/smacks when he can't get his own way or someone is doing some thing he doesn't like.

It's hardly surprising though, as my DSIS smacks him, when he does something she doesn't like (mis-behaves). At the age of 7 my Nephew's hitting is learnt behaviour because that's what his Mum has taught him.

I don't think it is "natural exploration" - to use the word "natural" is to condone the behaviour as part of toddlers' nature

I don't think that is necessarily true - it is natural for toddlers (and children of all ages, really) to push boundaries in all kinds of ways, but that doesn't mean that their parents condone those behaviours when they are displayed. Surely that's what parenting is? Showing a child how to manage their natural urges and instincts and channel them in a way that enables them to operate as part of society.

Yes, after all it is natural to wee and crap all over the place as a young toddler too, but we tend to put limits on it.

Saying something is natural isn't condoning it, it is understanding it. Tantrums are natural but we don't condone them in an adult, we do however understand them in a toddler. It is natural for a dog to chase and kill smaller prey animals but we endeavour to train them not to. Understanding is not condoning.

I knew someone would pick me up on that, because my language was imprecise.

I think it's an issue of context. Taken in isolation, to say it's "natural" for someone to do something doesn't in itself condone that thing, and that was definitely the impression I gave.

However, in the context of this thread, I imagine the OP was indeed complaining about the word "natural" being used to condone hitting - i.e. your toddler gets walloped by someone else's, and when you complain, you might get told "It's only natural for toddlers to hit" and expected to like it or lump it. I may be extrapolating too much from the original post, but people do use the "natural" get-out clause to condone as well as to explain.

Ah, that makes sense, yes people do use it like that. I didn't read the op in that context but I'll re read and see if I can see what you see (iyswim )

My oldest never hit

My younger was a hitter and a biter. I sucks

Good on you OP for changing your mind.

No I still read it as saying it is not something a child does naturally.

I do agree though that "it's natural" is not a way to excuse behaviour or avoid dealing with it.