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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To cut of ties with brother for Islamophobic Views?

142 replies

Jacobsmum1972 · 16/05/2015 18:30

My brother had become increasingly hateful towards Muslims. His fb feed has been full of British Firsts articles to do with Rotherham and other bad stories linked towards the Islamic community.

He never used to be islamophobic, but really since a year ago he has gotten worse and worse. Which makes me believe groups like Isis and stories like Rotherham are fuelling his hatred.

He is about 10 years younger than me, so is in the islamophobic generation (press name). People who were teens during 9/11 and have had all their adolescent and young adult lives in a climate of fear.

This is not an excuse and obviously not all of he's generation are islamophobic.

I can no longer listen to his lies and hatred. I don't know what to do, I don't want to cause a massive row with my moter and have family tension.

I am not exactly worried that keeping a relationship with my brother will influence my dc beliefs about Muslims as they have been taught what is right and what Is wrong and that not all Muslims are bad etc. Although ds is very worried about me being killed in a terror attack.

What would you do.

OP posts:

keepitsimple0 · 17/05/2015 00:08

till I heard about those Buddhist extremists chasing out those poor boat (Muslim) people in Myanmar.

people of all backgrounds and beliefs can be awful murderous mindless thugs. When those conflicts concern two groups of different religions, one interesting question is whether that conflict is mainly sectarian or scripturally based. were the buddhists motivated by buddhist writings or was that just sectarian violence?

PoppyField · 17/05/2015 00:08

Yup and those churches can be creches ALL the time then!

Ginrummy · 17/05/2015 00:11

I was referring to the previous post about no other religious groups blowing up things up and killing people. There are many other types of terrorist but i think there is a climate of hatred towards Muslims as the definition of terrorists.

lordStrange · 17/05/2015 00:14

I wonder why

Alisvolatpropiis · 17/05/2015 00:16

I think anybody who says nobody from any other religion has ever committed acts of terrorism in the name of it is rather lacking in general knowledge.

However, it is undeniable that currently, it is Islam which is at the forefront of the "terrorism in the name of religion" issue.

PoppyField · 17/05/2015 00:18

Yeah, keepitsimple... absolutely everyone has to be tagged with a religion of some sort now, whether or not they are actually reading the bomb-making instructions straight from the bible or whatever book it happens to be, at the time. I mean what happened to 'British Asians' all of a sudden? In the last decade or so, the meejah and everyone else seems to have a window into the souls of lots of brown British people and finds them to be Muslims. How do they do that?

I think if my smouldering remains were ever found after having blown myself up campaigning against a new phone mast, maybe, or new parking regs, I bet they'd call me an Anglican extremist since my parents once had me baptised.

bearhugsmum · 17/05/2015 00:20

I have a family member like this :(

I wouldn't cut ties totaly, you must still love him and it sounds like he needs you and your views around him. Maybe distance yourself abit and limit the opportunities he has to bring things like this up in front of you and kids and try not to argue about it as he may become more determind (easier said than done!) Hide his feed in your Facebook or report things to Facebook re the links. Concentrate on the positive things about him.

Maybe it's the crowd he's spending time with, hopefully his views will change with time. it's got more chance of changing if you and your influence are still around him.

keepitsimple0 · 17/05/2015 00:32

I don't know who "they" are (media?), but they would be dead wrong if they called you an Anglican extremist for doing that because it doesn't make any sense. There's nothing in Anglicanism that says to do that.

The difference is that some of the latest culprits in these horrific events say themselves that they are doing it for their religion and then quote their text for justification.

keepitsimple0 · 17/05/2015 00:33

I think anybody who says nobody from any other religion has ever committed acts of terrorism in the name of it is rather lacking in general knowledge.

I don't think anyone is claiming that.

Alisvolatpropiis · 17/05/2015 00:37

keep

A previous poster said pretty much exactly that.

SolidGoldBrass · 17/05/2015 00:40

A lot of relatively nice people share posts from Britain First, because Britian First put up a lot of posts which say things like 'respect war veterans' (appealing to people whose great grandads died in WW! or who have current family members in the army) or 'ban dog fighting' (most people are upset by the idea of dog fighting) - so the well-intentioned people who are not that used to Facebook, or who are not accustomed to questioning what they read on the internet, will be suckered in without realising that Britain First is a bunch of racist wankers.
Just like a lot of well-intentioned people get their undies in a bundle about 'Islamophobia' being a form of racism when sometimes it is and sometimes it isn't. Not all Asian or black people are Muslims, and not all Muslims are black/Asian, and there is a difference between hating/fearing people because of their skin colour and hating/fearing/despising them because they embrace or condone a lot of superstitious rubbish being used as a justification for oppression and cruelty (and, to be clear, I would put Catholicism and quite a lot of American protestism in the same category as several types of Islam ie disgusting primitive bullshit founded on the abuse of women and children).
It's not that clear whether the OP's brother is a racist thug, or whether he's got some valid objections to aspects of one or more of the major imaginary friend cults.

FromSeaToShining · 17/05/2015 00:50

It does seem like an extreme reaction to cut off all ties with your brother for his views, however vile these views may be (and IMO Islamophobic beliefs are as vile as any other form of bigotry and prejudice). I would hide his FB posts or unfriend him on FB, and I'd make it clear that I would choose not to spend time with him if he insisted on spouting bigotry.

It's difficult to cope with family members who hold such views. But if the relationship is important to you and to him, you can hopefully come to an agreement, even if it is only to agree to disagree and to avoid certain topics of conversation.

Timri · 17/05/2015 01:18

Seeing as how most religions are homophobic and sexist, how can you defend both? Really?
I will cut you off for being mysogynstic and homophobic, but I will also cut you off for being islmophobic about people who are mysogynstic and homophobic
Mmm hmm

dominogocatgo · 17/05/2015 01:39

Is it possible to be opposed to Islam, without being opposed to Muslim people ?

Coyoacan · 17/05/2015 03:14

Mmm, I see from reading here that Islamophobia is the current fashion.

Being Irish I remember the day when I had to travel through England keeping my mouth firmly shut so that no-one could hear my Irish accent because hatred for the Irish was the flavour of the month.

However, OP, among those Irish-haters there were some really sweet people as I could see from their treatment of others. It is a fashion as you can see from the posts here, just like hating Jews was a fashion in 1930s Germany, but at the same time, this man is your brother, so I would just say let us agree to disagree and try to avoid the subject. Meanwhile give your children a good education against making sweeping generalisations about groups of people.

tobysmum77 · 17/05/2015 07:39

OP yanbu I would also find what you describe offensive, hating whole groups of people.

But criticism of religion isn't racism. A person chooses to follow a particular faith or not. It isn't just Islam that is criticised, in fact I think that I hear a lot more conversations that are critical of Christianity. Not being religious the whole thing is difficult to get my head round. Personally I cannot abide the Catholic stance on many things. Equally I can't get my head around a lot in Judism or Islam either. As long as it didn't affect me though people can do what they like.

One of the difficulties with Islam is like it or not there are people who want the religion to have more influence on the governance of our country and how we live, so affect everyone. Personally I'm of the opinion that it just isn't going to happen so it's pretty low priority. But it gives the likes of Britain first fodder.

SlaggyIsland · 17/05/2015 07:42

Can I ask... people who say criticising a religion isn't racism, how do you feel about it if we replace Muslims with Jews?
Genuinely curious if that would alter the perspective for anyone.

lionheart · 17/05/2015 07:46

I wouldn't cut ties but I would challenge him and probably buy him a birthday subscription to any newspaper aside from the one he currently favours.

Purplepoodle · 17/05/2015 07:50

Agree to disagree. Block his fb and if he starts with anti Islamic views just leave the room. He is what he is and you probably can't change it.

tobysmum77 · 17/05/2015 07:52

Slaggy Judism is most of the time a religion that people can either choose to follow or not. In terms of Jews as a race..... who on earth knows at least in the UK? I have a friend who is from a Jewish background but not religious and I bet 95% of people who know him just think he's from a British background.

I guess in relation to conflicts elsewhere in the world/ Germany where people were labelled by blood then it is racism.

OTheHugeManatee · 17/05/2015 09:06

Jewish is, with very few exceptions, an ethnicity as well as (sometime more than) a religion. It's also not evangelical as in seeking converts, unlike both Christianity and Islam. As such being Jewish generally does mean being a particular ethnicity, whereas the religions that actively seek converts could have devotees from any ethnicity. Hence it's absurd to suggest that disliking Christianity or Islam is racist, whereas it's much more nuanced in the case of Judaism.

Personally I have no problem with individual Muslims provided they are decent people (as most of course are) but I think there is plenty to dislike about many strains of Islam. I'm delighted that Ed Miliband did not get elected so as to make that particular (IMO perfectly rational) viewpoint illegal.

fatlazymummy · 17/05/2015 09:12

If Islamaphobia is racist then why is there no 'hinduismphobia' or 'sikhismphobia' ? Both are much more strongly connected to an ethnic group.

Roseforarose · 17/05/2015 09:38

Its a fashion as you can see from the posts here, just like hating Jews was a fashion in 1930s Germany
Yes but with respect the hatred for the Jews wasn't because they had been committing massive atrocities, but because they were seen to have too much economic influence. The nazis had an irrational hatred of them. Hatred for Islam is wrong, but it's understandable that some will because of the actions of the extremists.

dominogocatgo · 17/05/2015 09:48

The Jewish people weren't (aren't ?) hated because of their religious beliefs, but because of their economic and political power.
Surely people are entitled to have a hatred for Islam if they find its teachings to be offensive.

tobysmum77 · 17/05/2015 09:52

But people can convert to Judism without being part of the ethnicity. Most of us in reality are a mixture really and 'Jewish' is not identified as an ethnic group in the UK list.

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