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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think women who are pregnant should at least have an inkling?

128 replies

Mummybear8 · 14/05/2015 21:28

I've just seen a post pop up on my FB newsfeed about a woman who has JUST found out she's 8 months pregnant and DID NOT KNOW! I saw a picture of this woman, who looked very obviously pregnant (she was fairly slim except for a huge baby bump...) and I'm thinking; "how on earth, as a woman, did you not come to the conclusion you were pregnant?"

I'm not saying women should know the second the winning sperm arrives and penetrates the ovum (I am equally suspect of these women that "just knew" in the millisecond they created a new life) but surely there's some middle ground between that and 37 odd weeks gone?

I can understand how some women in exceptional circumstances or in their first pregnancies take a while to find out, for example those who continue to have a regular bleed whilst pregnant or those who don't seem to show until very suddenly nearer the middle/end, but seriously? Can't you feel it moving?! I am almost 23 weeks pregnant and have been told I have an anterior placenta and I can still, very distinctly, feel a good kick!

I am especially suspicious of those on their subsequent pregnancies that "just" go into labour all of a sudden with no warning or previous knowledge of this miraculous and totally unexpected pregnancy.
So, AIBU to think that if you know how babies are made, how do you NOT know you've made, and are carrying, a baby?
I am intrigued to hear others stories/opinions...

OP posts:
BillyBigchin · 14/05/2015 21:30

YANBU. I would think she had something seriously wrong with her if she didn't know.

Possibly excusable if no bump and first pregnancy and/or anterior placenta as you generally can't feel kicks much with those.

MsDragons · 14/05/2015 21:33

I had a friend who didn't know she was pregnant til 36 weeks. She had been told she was infertile, she had periods very infrequently, she was quite a large woman anyway, she genuinely didn't have a clue. Neither did her doctors, they kept telling her that she had a large "growth", the "kicks" she felt must have been air or discomfort due to the growth, they discovered a healthy 36 week baby when they did the ultrasound to decide about surgery to remove the growth. EVERYBODY was shocked. It does happen, but I have no idea how frequently, I assume it's rather rare.

CarryOnCramping · 14/05/2015 21:34

I really don't get it. I knew pretty early, but my periods were so regular pretty much down to the hour. So I guess I could understand people not finding out til a bit later if they were still having bleeds (though I've never actually met anyone who has had this).

I think cases like that there has to be a serious case of denial going on. Do they not look down at all?!

Eltonjohnsflorist · 14/05/2015 21:35

I can believe in extremely rare cases women do not know for a variety of reasons. In less rare cases, their lives may be so chaotic they don't notice.

But Most of the time I think the women are in serious denial but genuinely believe they don't know.

bobajob · 14/05/2015 21:37

I know a couple of people who didn't know til 5-6 months in their 3rd/4th pregnancies.

Arkkorox · 14/05/2015 21:37

YABU. I didn't know and found out at 36 weeks. It could not have been a worse time for a baby to arrive. If I had known any earlier I would have terminated. I love dd to pieces now of course.

PacificDogwood · 14/05/2015 21:38

YABU.

Happens not all that infrequently.

CherryLips1980 · 14/05/2015 21:40

My sil was about 28weeks when she found out with her first, but she had irregular cycles so it wasn't unusual for her to go months without a period. She's a skinny bugger too and only had a slight thickening around her waist to show for the pregnancy. Lucky mare. I looked full term from about 16 weeks.

murmuration · 14/05/2015 21:43

My mother didn't find about me until around 6 months, but she had loads of doctors telling her she was having 'female' issues, because, clearly she couldn't be pregnant as they were using contraception (which, of course, never fails Hmm). So it could be some of them suspected, but were then disabused of the notion.

hedgehogsdontbite · 14/05/2015 21:43

I can believe it. When I was pregnant with DD I felt no movement at all throughout the pregnancy, although the whale like appearance would be a bit of a give away. When I was pregnant with DS I gained no weight at all, I was wearing the same clothes throughout and nobody could tell I was pregnant by looking. So it's not beyond the realms of probability that someone could experience both at the same time so not know they're expecting.

Allstoppedup · 14/05/2015 21:43

A friend I knew in college was rushed into hospital with a bowel blockage. She came out with a baby boy...

I'd seen her every day for the entirety of her pregnancy, we went out drinking/dancing, did lots of heavy lifting as part of the vocational course she was doing, she had no real bump to speak of and had irregular periods anyway so didn't really consider anything untoward there.

I genuinely believe her when she said she had no idea. She seemed just as shocked as everyone else! Grin

BlueBananas · 14/05/2015 21:44

I always think this, if nothing else surely you can feel the kicks?
However, my Mums auntie was one of these women. She was an older, bigger lady and the GP several times put all of her symptoms down to the menopause, then in work one day she felt a bit crampy and constipated, went for a pooh and had a baby down the toilet!

Crikeyblimey · 14/05/2015 21:45

Colleague of mine was told she was menopausal and had a stomach bug - till she went into labour at work! She thought it was back pain amd a colleague said 'if I didn't know better, I'd say you were in labour'! They hadn't even wanted or certainly not planned for children. First her dh knew was a call from the labour ward to tell him he was a dad (v quick laboir) She was terrified and has since suffered PTSD symptoms. I genuinely believe her.

LauraMipsum · 14/05/2015 21:46

YANBentirelyU. I didn't look pregnant until I was about 7 - 8 months and even then could have hidden my minuscule bump in the next size up clothing. However, the constant nausea, barfing, kicks (yes even with an anterior placenta) and SPD would have alerted me that perhaps I might be preggers even if I was doing my best to ignore it. I think a lot of people who "didn't know" in reality "didn't want to know."

But I do accept that in some cases there isn't much of a bump and the other physical horrors simply don't manifest, and they genuinely don't know.

MintChocAddict · 14/05/2015 21:47

Carry on cramping I had regular bleeds with my first. In fact despite actively trying for a baby that's why I didn't test as I presumed menstrual bleeds.
Then when the bleeding changed to ongoing spotting presumed it was all part of my body continuing to adjust to being off the pill. It was my doctor who eventually suggested I test.
By the time I was scanned, having no idea how far along I was, I was nearly 5months pregnant. No morning sickness, ill health, metallic taste or any of the other signs. In fact were it not for a bump emerging soon after this and some very definite kicks wouldn't have believed it myself.

FuckingLiability · 14/05/2015 21:50

I know someone who claimed not to know she was pregnant till 8 months. Not having been pregnant myself I can't really say, but there are reasons (can't say as it might out me) why I suspect she knew but chose to pretend it wasn't happening.

AbbeyRoadCrossing · 14/05/2015 21:51

It's rare but a girl I was at college with found out when she was about 6 months. She was slim and a model and you can't tell in her modelling photos from that time. She never had periods often so thought nothing of it.
Meanwhile I've always felt like dog shite from about week 4!

pinkgirlythoughts · 14/05/2015 21:54

waves at Arkkorox

I was on the antenatal threads with you- read this post thinking about your situation and then saw yours was one of the first responses!

tobysmum77 · 14/05/2015 21:54

I dunno, the only time I've been to the doctors about weird gynae problems she asked the obvious question first.

Who are these gps who rummage around, palpate a baby and diagnose constipation? Confused

YANBU op but then I was as sick as a dog

AnImpalaCalledBABY · 14/05/2015 21:55

YABU

I'm sure there are times when it's down to denial more than anything but I do believe it genuinely happens (although rarely)

People have different experiences of pregnancy, you can't say that because it would have been impossible for you that it would be impossible for anyone. In several of my pregnancies the kicking/baby moving would have been a giveaway had I not known but during one of my pregnancies I hardly felt the baby move at all and could have easily put it down to wind etc

It must be Shock enough to find out late on in the pregnancy but I cannot imagine how shocking it must be to give birth to a baby you didn't know you were pregnant with!

SurlyCue · 14/05/2015 21:57

YABVU to basically call these women liars.

Your experience is representative of YOUR experience and nothing else. It has no bearing at all on how other women in other bodies experience pregnancy. You come across as very ignorant and quite insufferable.

ScorpioMermaid · 14/05/2015 21:58

YABU
I was on the pill and even had emergency contraception before continuing with the pill. ive only just started showing and I'm 31 weeks. I thought I was 20 weeks absolute max when I booked in with my midwife, it wasn't until my scan the following week that I was told I was 27+3 weeks. It does happen albeit not very often. I was already pregnant when on the pill and emergency contraception.

pookamoo · 14/05/2015 21:59

There's a MNer who didn't know until she went into labour. Very traumatising for her, she was very young.

PacificDogwood · 14/05/2015 21:59

I've dealt with a 16 yo girl who was 26 weeks pregnant when she came along. She told me that there was 'no way' she could possibly be pregnant (this is after a BFP, me showing her how to feel the baby's head herself and us Dopplering the fetal heart, kicks were visible too) as she 'had never done it'. Turns out she had not the first clue what sex was - she'd obviously had sex (more than once) but thought that what she and the boy (thankfully a boy her age was involved and there was on question of a coercive or abusive situation) had been doing was just 'nice'. Sad
These were normal kids, normal school, normal family - whatever 'normal' is, mind.
The baby was adopted. She never held it.

Arkkorox · 14/05/2015 22:00

Tobysmum probably the same one that after breifly attempting to find a heartbeat with a dopler, concluded that I couldn't be more than 6 weeks and to go home.

Waves at pinkgirly ! Hello!

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