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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think women who are pregnant should at least have an inkling?

128 replies

Mummybear8 · 14/05/2015 21:28

I've just seen a post pop up on my FB newsfeed about a woman who has JUST found out she's 8 months pregnant and DID NOT KNOW! I saw a picture of this woman, who looked very obviously pregnant (she was fairly slim except for a huge baby bump...) and I'm thinking; "how on earth, as a woman, did you not come to the conclusion you were pregnant?"

I'm not saying women should know the second the winning sperm arrives and penetrates the ovum (I am equally suspect of these women that "just knew" in the millisecond they created a new life) but surely there's some middle ground between that and 37 odd weeks gone?

I can understand how some women in exceptional circumstances or in their first pregnancies take a while to find out, for example those who continue to have a regular bleed whilst pregnant or those who don't seem to show until very suddenly nearer the middle/end, but seriously? Can't you feel it moving?! I am almost 23 weeks pregnant and have been told I have an anterior placenta and I can still, very distinctly, feel a good kick!

I am especially suspicious of those on their subsequent pregnancies that "just" go into labour all of a sudden with no warning or previous knowledge of this miraculous and totally unexpected pregnancy.
So, AIBU to think that if you know how babies are made, how do you NOT know you've made, and are carrying, a baby?
I am intrigued to hear others stories/opinions...

OP posts:
AnImpalaCalledBABY · 14/05/2015 22:02

Did you ever hear about the woman years ago who got pregnant through oral sex? I can see why she would have had no reason to suspect she was pregnant and why getting to hospital and being told she was in labour must have been a complete surprise to her...

She had been born without a vagina, had just given oral sex to her boyfriend when an ex confronted her and stabbed her. The stab wound caused the semen to leak out of the stomach and into the uterus and got her pregnant

Ok a fairly extreme case to say the least but shows you can never say never!

MrsMook · 14/05/2015 22:02

I have a friend who didn't know until her "appendicitis" turned out to be labour. She had very little weight gain, and continued to have a monthly bleed, and just felt normal. It's a bit surreal for me as I'm into maternity clothes at 8 weeks aside from the sickness, exhaustion then SPD.

It's most common in women for whom pregnancy is not on the radar, teenagers, approaching the menopause, fertility issues, or contraceptive failure.

rallytog1 · 14/05/2015 22:03

When I was in the labour ward giving birth, another lady was brought in. She'd gone to A&E with stomach pains - turned out she was 8 months pregnant and in labour.

She swore that was the first she knew of it and the staff thought she seemed so shell shocked that they believed she genuinely didn't know. The poor girl was a tad traumatised.

Artandco · 14/05/2015 22:03

Ds1 I found out at 16 weeks, ds2 at 20 weeks. I didn't have a bump at all either until around 28-30weeks and then was fairly small ( size 6 usually) so could easily have gone another 2-3 months I would guess

DoJo · 14/05/2015 22:04

I wouldn't have known for months - I had just come off contraception so wasn't expecting my periods to return to normal, I'm amply covered so I didn't really have a bump until quite far on, I didn't really have any symptoms and could easily have thought that the kicks were wind for a good few months until everything started to protrude and it became more obvious. The only reason I found out relatively early was because I was diagnosed with a UTI and my GP decided to test while she had a cup of wee in her hand, otherwise I could have got a pretty long way before I'd have cottoned on!

Pyjamaface · 14/05/2015 22:05

Not as far as PPs but I didn't know until I was 17 weeks. I only went to the GP because of crippling migraines and had to POAS as a box ticking thing before he could refer me for more tests.

Without the migraines, gawd knows when I would've found out. I never really had a noticeable bump and only carried to 32 weeks

Debs75 · 14/05/2015 22:13

I work with a woman who found out she was pregnant when she had been in labour all night! She thought she had food poisoning and her mum just sent her off to bed. It was only after a sleepless agonising night that they went into hospital and the a&e nurse told her she was in labour, 2 hours later she had a baby girl.

I otoh was that annoying person who did just know from the moment of conception. Within hours of having sex i felt off and within days i had heartburn, which lasted the full 9 months. with dc4 i had absolutely no idea and if it wasn't for a scan to check for cysts at 11 weeks i don't think I would have realised for some time.

Charlotte3333 · 14/05/2015 22:16

I was at Uni with a girl who only found out she was pregnant when she went into labour. She was always a fairly sturdy girl, so looked no different.

I'm inclined to think perhaps it's not always so glaringly obvious as it was for me. And not be as judgy as I would be otherwise.

flora717 · 14/05/2015 22:19

anecdotal (but tough area for solid research) I know a woman who had three children and then (15 years after #3, trying actively for 5 and then just ignoring contraception). She started experiencing tough menopausal symptoms. This carried on/off for more than a year. She was very hormonal, her periods had become very erratic. Her periods stopped. No sickness, no bump. Minimal tiredness (and at a time when her father died very suddenly).
She was laying paving slabs with my mum and dad (in shorts and a vest top). That night she was rushed to hospital with extreme back pains. She actually described to the a&e woman the pain as a lot like labour (cue smiles and head shaking from her husband and the nurse "don't worry, we'll get you on some muscle relaxants").
Her son was born in the early hours. She was flung into a very dark emotional place, she struggled to believe he was hers as she had no idea. She felt guilt for so many things.
On the flipside to this I have IBS. It is not unusual for me to feel flutters, twisting sensations and twitching (even "movement" on my tummy). It tortures me, as I long for pregnancy (I've two DD's).

TisILeclerc · 14/05/2015 22:23

Yabu. I know a woman who had three dcs with her dh. They ran a house clearance business. In her late 40s when she was just starting to go through the menopause she pulled her back moving some heavy furniture. Instead of accompanying her dh home she asked him to drop her off at the walk in centre. Her dh decided he'd go to collect her soon after. When he arrived he asked after his wife only to be told she was in maternity and both she and the baby were doing well. He passed out. She was in shock. Neither of them had any idea whatsoever.

I'm sure there are women who have an inkling but for whatever reason don't acknowledge it but there are many women who genuinely have no idea whatsoever.

littlejohnnydory · 14/05/2015 22:28

I've always found it hard to believe. However, I know one person whose periods didn't stop when she was pregnant. I know another person who never felt any foetal movement. I know another person who didn't look pregnant at all right up to full term. I suppose it's possible for all those things to happen at once to the same person.

SaucyJack · 14/05/2015 22:29

I know what you mean. I wonder if those who really genuinely haven't noticed are tall?

I'm very short, and there's no mistaking having a baby in your abdomen when you're only 5ft.

grumpysquash · 14/05/2015 22:37

I was the opposite - felt hideous and very nauseous for at least a week before I got a ++ pg test. Then puking for months, then massive. So no doubt there :)
But my DS2's nursery worker had her daughter with about 12 hours notice (full term) and had not felt anything nor looked any different.
But I do think that sometimes it must be driven by not wanting to know.

WhatWouldBlairWaldorfDo · 14/05/2015 22:39

Agree with others. When i was in year 11 a girl suddenly disappeared from school. She had been feeling ill one day, then didnt come back to school. She had gone into labour and had a baby girl.

She didnt have a noticable bump, maybe as she was a bit chubby? She seemed totally normal at school, no sickness or anything.

She had to have counselling as she was so traumatised by it. She had severe postnatal depression and really struggled with the whole thing.

She also struggled to have a relationship for a long time as she was terrified of having sex and getting pregnant. So it does happen

Topseyt · 14/05/2015 22:40

It is perfectly possible not to know for quite some time, perhaps especially in a first pregnancy.

I felt perfectly normal during my pregnancies. No nausea, and certainly with my first the only major symptom was the absence of periods.

If I had continued to have any regular bleeding during my first pregnancy then I probably wouldn't have known until around 6 months.

ItsRainingInBaltimore · 14/05/2015 22:47

I read an article today about a woman who gave birth on a plane having had no idea whatsoever that she was pregnant.

I have been pregnant three times, and I find it utterly, utterly unbelievable and inconceivable (pardon the pun) that even if you don't notice the tiredness, the morning sickness, the lack of periods, the swollen tender breasts, the funny taste in your mouth, the flutterings, then the baby's kicking, the stretch marks, the varicose veins, the chubby flushed face etc, that you might at least notice the enormous belly sticking out in front of you that stops you getting comfortable in bed or bending down to do your shoes up for the whole the last trimester.

I don't know what to make of people who say this has happened to them, but I'll be honest and say that my first thought is that they are either a liar, very very dim, or totally in denial.

Artandco · 14/05/2015 23:08

It's - like I said I did know by 16 weeks with ds1 and 20 weeks with ds2. With both I never had any of those symptoms even at 39 weeks. Never felt baby move even though I did know there was one in there! In size 6, 5'4, and no bump until around 28/30 weeks. On giving birth I had a bump that was noticeable, but I think I easily wouldn't have had one if I had been larger to start with or slightly taller. I wear tight fitted dresses usually hence noticeable, but I think in baggy clothes my bump could have been hidden easily both times.

With my second pregnancy my first child was still a baby also, so I often wore him in a sling, so many people never noticed at all until I turned up with 2 babies

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/05/2015 23:17

I have a friend it happened to. She was happy in a ltr and had literally no idea. Huge shock.

Pipbin · 14/05/2015 23:18

She had been born without a vagina, had just given oral sex to her boyfriend when an ex confronted her and stabbed her. The stab wound caused the semen to leak out of the stomach and into the uterus and got her pregnant

I remember this being an urban myth when I was at school.

redexpat · 14/05/2015 23:24

I read somewhere it happens 1 in every 600 births, which seems quite high to me. One explanation was that if you dont think you can be pregnant, you dont connect the dots to get the bigger picture. Movement can feel a lot like indigestion I almost shat myself when pg with DS because I mistook diarhea cramps for movement and every woman experiences pregnancy differently.

GiddyOnZackHunt · 14/05/2015 23:34

I also get the movement that's a wind baby. My belly moves too Blush

ScorpioMermaid · 14/05/2015 23:36

I've never had morning sickness either, even when I did know I was pregnant early on.

Aermingers · 14/05/2015 23:39

YABU, I suffer from stomach problems which cause really bad bloating which makes me look 8 months pregnant and very irregular periods. I haven't got pregnant while I've had these problems, but if I had it's perfectly plausible i wouldn't have known.

CakeNinja · 14/05/2015 23:52

Yabu.
I was 29 months pg with my first before I knew. I was aged 19, had pcos and had periods a year or so apart so lack of bleeding never rang any bells (still doesn't).
Had gone to the drs during what I know now to have been early pregnancy but as had recently suffered a mIscarriage was told my pregnancy test was giving a reading from my hormone levels from then. Was sent away, carried on living the high life with dp which involved a lot of drunken debauchery and a poor diet. Waking up feeling ropey felt like the norm. Was never sick, and only when my stomach went hard one day that I made a drs appointment. I thought I had a tumour.
Imagine my surprise.
It haPpens. I had 6 weeks between that appointment and giving birth. It was the best pregnancy ever.

velouria · 14/05/2015 23:54

I get odd twitches in my abdomen which do feel like baby kicks, probably wind or something, but with all of mine, you cannot mistake a knee or elbow or something slowly traversing your abdomen, or in the case of D's 1, moving from bum down to head down, I nearly hit the ceiling, although I have had posteria placentas in all of mine. There was a girl from school who was on attaining course I was on, she was very clearly about 8 months pregnant. She used to complain that her parents thought she was pregnant :S. She was obvious!y deeply in denial and gave birth in her bedroom to a healthy baby boy. I was so confused at having to pretend to her that she wasn't obviously pregnant, her parents must have been very wussy or in denial.