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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think women who are pregnant should at least have an inkling?

128 replies

Mummybear8 · 14/05/2015 21:28

I've just seen a post pop up on my FB newsfeed about a woman who has JUST found out she's 8 months pregnant and DID NOT KNOW! I saw a picture of this woman, who looked very obviously pregnant (she was fairly slim except for a huge baby bump...) and I'm thinking; "how on earth, as a woman, did you not come to the conclusion you were pregnant?"

I'm not saying women should know the second the winning sperm arrives and penetrates the ovum (I am equally suspect of these women that "just knew" in the millisecond they created a new life) but surely there's some middle ground between that and 37 odd weeks gone?

I can understand how some women in exceptional circumstances or in their first pregnancies take a while to find out, for example those who continue to have a regular bleed whilst pregnant or those who don't seem to show until very suddenly nearer the middle/end, but seriously? Can't you feel it moving?! I am almost 23 weeks pregnant and have been told I have an anterior placenta and I can still, very distinctly, feel a good kick!

I am especially suspicious of those on their subsequent pregnancies that "just" go into labour all of a sudden with no warning or previous knowledge of this miraculous and totally unexpected pregnancy.
So, AIBU to think that if you know how babies are made, how do you NOT know you've made, and are carrying, a baby?
I am intrigued to hear others stories/opinions...

OP posts:
m0therofdragons · 16/05/2015 10:14

My cousin had a baby but had periods through out.I saw her 4 weeks before she gave birth and it didn't occur to me - big girl bit didn't look pg! Even in a&e docs said she wasn't pg when my aunt said she thought she looked like she was in labour. 4 hours later she had a 10 lb baby in her arms. She genuinely had no idea!

TeddysMummyPanda · 16/05/2015 12:47

I didn't know I was pregnant until I was rushed into a and e and the midwife said that the head was crowning! I've had problems with my weight all my life! I didn't feel a kick or nothing. I had periods all through and had no symptoms. Apart from the last week when I had acid reflux but I thought it was normal as I was ill. So it does happen...

Tattiesthroughthebree · 16/05/2015 13:07

I know someone who had a planned third pregnancy, but miscarried before the 12 week scan. She knew she felt unwell for a couple of months after the miscarriage, but her GP assured it was all normal, and it might take months for her periods to return. Turned out she'd been pregnant with twins and was still pregnant with the second one. I think she was about 7 months pregnant when she found out.

SteveBrucesNose · 16/05/2015 13:16

I've never been pregnant so maybe I shouldn't comment. But...

I can totally believe it. My periods are irregular. It can be 3 months of nothing, one horrific month, a few with a little bit of spotting. Which from what I've read / friends experiences, can be the case during pregnancy.

I have bowel and digestive problems which cause incredible bloating, gurgling, sharp pains, fluttery feelings etc. sometimes my gurgles can be visible with my stomach moving as it shouts at me.

I vomit often in the mornings due to the same issues, if I've eaten late and lay down for hours, I'll vomit in the morning when it's all just sat there all night. I go through phases of the smell of foods turning my stomach, and craving others.

My boobs go tender a lot too

So yeah, unless i was specifically expecting pregnancy, I wouldn't necessarily check. I'd put it down to extremes of my usual conditions.

Idontseeanydragons · 16/05/2015 13:22

With my eldest I didn't know until I was nearly 5 months due to having had gynae issues and an operation before conception.
I had been told my periods would either be all over the place it none existent for a while and not to worry.
So I didn't, and because I had no other symptoms I didn't think to do a pg test either Blush

PacificDogwood · 16/05/2015 13:25

I never understand the reaction to these threads (as they do pop up from time to time): can we not just accept that pregnancy can be very different from woman to woman, and indeed from pregnancy to pregnancy? Confused

Fairy13 · 16/05/2015 13:36

DSDs mum didn't find out until she was 8 months pregnant.
I think a lot of it was denial...
She was 19, not in a relationship with the father, hated him.
She is a really large woman anyway.

It contributed massively to the fact that she is still not able to parent her child 10 years later.

Pipbin · 16/05/2015 13:38

Quite Pacific so many people don't seem to understand that.
I assume some posters must be consultant gynaecologists because they are able to tell us what is impossible.

LynseyPynsey · 16/05/2015 13:48

I found out I was pregnant when I was 23 weeks. Had no bump, an anterior placenta and very eratic periods (hadn't had a period 7 months prior to conception) I was also on the pill. I had gone to the doctors about the lack of periods when the doctor felt my stomach and rushed me to the hospital for an emergency scan.

LynetteScavo · 16/05/2015 14:00

I know someone who went to the GP saying she could feel something moving inside her....,how it didn't occur to her it was a baby I don't know! Grin She was 5 months pregnant.

PacificDogwood · 16/05/2015 14:01

I knew a lady whose dr had sent her to A+E with 'bilateral renal colic' - she delivered in the cubicle that fuck some of the nurses were also trained midwives Shock
It must be a truly mind-bending experience to not realise your pregnant and the suddenly have to go through labour + delivery and be presented with a baby

PacificDogwood · 16/05/2015 14:02

you're

amybear2 · 16/05/2015 14:08

I think it happens sometimes in women in their late 40s who put down symptoms to menopauses

LikeABadSethRogenMovie · 16/05/2015 14:16

I think the people who think it can't really happen probably have very regular periods and very 'typical' pregnancies. But not everybody is the same!

I found out at 26 weeks with DC1 and 28 weeks with Dc4. I can go months and months without a period as have pcos. Was never sick, etc. I was incredibly tired when pg with DC4 but seeing as DC3 was a newborn when #4 was conceived, being tired came with the job! I can very much see how other women could get even further in their pregnancies without knowing.

That said, I went to a school with a girl who gave birth at 16 and claimed she didn't know. About a week before that, some other girls had been taking bets on when she would give birth as it was so frickin obvious she was 9 months pregnant!

NorbertDentressangle · 16/05/2015 14:35

"I think it happens sometimes in women in their late 40s who put down symptoms to menopauses"

hmm......I'm 48, erratic periods, tired most of the time, maybe that's why I'm putting on weight around my middle Shock.

Joking aside I really can't imagine not twigging by 5 months at the very, very latest.

TalkinPeace · 16/05/2015 16:55

Girl at my gym : so we'd all seen her naked in the changing rooms.
Went in to hospital for what she thought was cancer surgery and discovered she was 34 weeks pregnant.
details altered slightly, but she sold her story to a newspaper afterwards
NONE of us had the foggiest.

TheEmpressofBlandings · 16/05/2015 17:05

My dm didn't know she was pregnant with me for months. She'd just had a baby so no periods yet and was dieting to lose the baby weight. When she did finally get an inkling, she was already 6 months pregnant.
I could easily not know at the moment. I already look 6 bloody months pregnant as it is, Sad and have depo so no periods anyway.

Sallystyle · 16/05/2015 17:22

I can't wrap my head around not being able to feel those big kicks. The feet in your ribs and the constant kicking of a 9 month old fetus and your whole stomach moving. I can't understand how that can't be felt by someone, especially at the end of a pregnancy.

With number five I didn't feel movement for a long time because of my placenta but when I was in my last trimester even an anterior placenta wasn't going to mask the baby turning over and the shape of my stomach and elbows sticking out.

Sallystyle · 16/05/2015 17:27

I understand not finding out until you are in the last trimester. But 9 months of not knowing blows my mind.

8 hours later I was staring at my first scan showing DD (NOW 11 MONTHS) perfectly forming at 9 weeks!

I think you missed the point. Not knowing you are pregnant until you are 9 weeks pregnant is pretty blood normal and not at all shocking Hmm

Artandco · 16/05/2015 17:36

U2 - your missing that many babies don't move/ kick much in womb. Even though I knew by 16 and 20 weeks, at 25/30/35/39 weeks I still felt no movements, no kicking etc as mentioned even though by then I knew and had a small bump. They just didn't move enough that they could be felt.

Actually ds2 def didn't move as he was born feet first!

girliefriend · 16/05/2015 17:45

I always think this but do know of at least 2 women who genuinely didn't know until they were quite far gone! One friend found out 3 weeks before her baby was due, she had booked a holiday more or less for the due date so definitely had not been planning on having a baby!!

She was Shock to say the least but once that had worn off very happy with her baby girl.

Another lady found out at 4 months ish and then the baby was born 8 weeks early so had a very short pregnancy!!

I am in Shock over the baby being born to a girl with no vagina - that is unbelievable!!

awombwithaview · 16/05/2015 17:57

My best friend only found out at 4 months. She was a big girl, had irregular periods and was only 18 at the time. She only found out when she fainted at work and went to the docs.

I had a client who only found out at 7 months. She wasn't with the father and had been to the docs for unexplained weight gain. She was told to keep a food diary. The weight kept piling on and she was very active horse riding a lot so couldn't understand it but because she'd been single for months didn't think about pregnancy and was adamant with the doc it wouldn't be that. The doc asked her again and she insisted she wasn't and couldn't be so the doc got a microphone out and said she knew it might seem strange but she wanted to put it to her stomach. She heard her baby's heartbeat and that was the first she knew of it. She then had to tell the father which was tricky as it was a bad break up and he refused to meet her but she insisted. He didn't believe her but had to in the course of time. Two months later she had a healthy baby girl.

In conclusion, she knew something was up but didn't know what, and with my BF, she had no idea and felt very guilty as had been drinking etc.

I had another client who only found out at 6 months with her first because she kept testing negative. When she finally tested positive she was 6 months. In fairness she was a drug user and her lifestyle was very chaotic and her children all ended up in care.

It happens pretty clearly from this thread to normal, sensible, well adjusted women whose body doesn't perform in the textbook fashion. I know someone else who insists two methods of contraception failed, but how true that is I'm not sure, however I have met people who get pregnant on the pill and therefore always use condoms too.

Sallystyle · 16/05/2015 18:40

your missing that many babies don't move/ kick much in womb

I just find that amazing. I am not doubting it but even one little movement from a 9 moths foetus was felt by me. I know some don't kick or move loads but they must move a few times a day. Did your stomach not move around and did you not see outlines of limbs?

I am not doubting you I just find it amazing.

DrHarleenFrancesQuinzel · 16/05/2015 18:47

I once temped in a job covering maternity leave. The lady always had irregular periods and didn't really put on much weight. Anyway one friday she was in pain. Thinking it was period pain carried on at work. Went home and ran a bath. Then she gave birth. That was the first she knew.

Also I knew I was PG with DD1 at conception. I could just tell. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but during unsuccessful attempts in the months before I didn't have the same feeling.

Lara2 · 16/05/2015 20:59

My DF was an obstetrician and said that in rare cases women not only don't know they are pregnant, but show no signs at all. When I had DS1 there was a 16 year old in the midwife unit who had given birth at home on the bathroom floor - had no idea she was pregnant, still having 'periods' and wearing her size 10 jeans. Her baby was nearly 8lbs and filled the incubator!!!!