AIBU to think women who are pregnant should at least have an inkling?

[Mummybear8]

I've just seen a post pop up on my FB newsfeed about a woman who has JUST found out she's 8 months pregnant and DID NOT KNOW! I saw a picture of this woman, who looked very obviously pregnant (she was fairly slim except for a huge baby bump...) and I'm thinking; "how on earth, as a woman, did you not come to the conclusion you were pregnant?"

I'm not saying women should know the second the winning sperm arrives and penetrates the ovum (I am equally suspect of these women that "just knew" in the millisecond they created a new life) but surely there's some middle ground between that and 37 odd weeks gone?

I can understand how some women in exceptional circumstances or in their first pregnancies take a while to find out, for example those who continue to have a regular bleed whilst pregnant or those who don't seem to show until very suddenly nearer the middle/end, but seriously? Can't you feel it moving?! I am almost 23 weeks pregnant and have been told I have an anterior placenta and I can still, very distinctly, feel a good kick!

I am especially suspicious of those on their subsequent pregnancies that "just" go into labour all of a sudden with no warning or previous knowledge of this miraculous and totally unexpected pregnancy.
So, AIBU to think that if you know how babies are made, how do you NOT know you've made, and are carrying, a baby?
I am intrigued to hear others stories/opinions...

She had been born without a vagina, had just given oral sex to her boyfriend when an ex confronted her and stabbed her. The stab wound caused the semen to leak out of the stomach and into the uterus and got her pregnant

I don't believe this at all. This requires me to believe in someone having functioning ovaries, fallopian tubes and a uterus without a cervix and vagina for the uterus lining to slough off through each month. Hard enough. Then, it requires me to accept that a woman can swallow semen and after reaching her stomach, a place which produces hydrochloric acid in order to break down food, the sperm cells would remain capable of fertilising anything. Sperm cells can find vaginal pH intolerable!

And now, an abdominal stab wound from the stomach to the uterus, that allows the semen to leak through. The uterus is about the size of a pear pre-pregnancy. I think a stabwound in it would be significant enough to disrupt any conceiving. Actually, I say the size of pear, but considering there's been no exit for however many cycles of menstruation, it might be huge enough for you to be able to stab it at one end without disrupting proceedings at the other end.

Okay, I take it back.

Apparently it's legit! www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2013/08/the-bizarre-story-of-the-girl-with-no-vagina-who-was-stabbed-and-had-a-baby/

I have been thinking this too this week.

I am sure there are women who did not know at all. But there must be an element of denial in most cases if it as common as 1 in 600?

I am 34 weeks, i feel well, but I struggle to tie my shoelaces, I get stuck trying to walk through spaces between cars in a car park, the kicks occasionally make me jump they are so strong, i can feel something on the inside going right across my belly at times (guessing a hand or a foot) and can see the shape of it moving across my belly. I havent worn any of my normal clothes for 5 months. A 4 year old (who I don't know) came up to me last week and stared at my belly. Then went to point out my large stomach to his mum and said "she must have a baby in there" "a big baby".

In the past I've had v bad constipation and trapped wind, bloating, I have polycystic ovaries - nearly no periods usually, yet bled on and off through first 3-4 months of last pregnancy. So maybe can imagine up to 16 weeks putting it down to other reasons. After that if I was convinced I couldn't be pregnant I would be knocking down the Drs doors wanting to know what on earth is going on with my body.

So definitely women are having a v different experience to me if they get to 8 months without knowing.

I know someone this happened to twice.
First time she found out when she went into labour and the second time she found out at 8 months.

inkling = baby squid.

I'll grab my hat.

Well. As someone it happened to I'd like to assure the PP that I'm neither dim, in denial or a liar. I had 'periods', was on the pill, no weight gain, no movements. Nothing.

YABU

This does happen - for all the reasons already mentioned.

Did anyone we've explain the lack of movements? It's just if you knew that you were pregnant and didn't get movements it would be treated as a pretty serious risk and you'd have quite a lot of intervention /
Medical attention.

I only ask because I had a couple of incidents of rfm and it was due to a serious complication which presented itself during labour. I can't think of any reason the baby wouldn't move which would be harmless?

elton it isn't always that the baby isn't moving I think, just that some people don't feel it. I didn't feel much with DD and even less with DS. I had to be monitored every few days as I wouldn't know if reduced movements. They could see him moving all over the scan and on the trace, but I simply couldn't feel it. No idea why. Maybe anterior placenta and I am overweight.

Fair point. I also had anterior plancenta but it stretches thin as the pregnancy progresses and you should be feeling regular movements in late pregnancy.

If forgotten but it was also suggested my baby was moving but I couldn't feel it (maternal perception of movements I think?)

Elton - I always thought it was only if baby moved less than usual to have it looked at ie if they usually move loads then don't. If they have never really moved then it's no change

Actually both mine followed that after birth. They have always slept very still for example and always sit still at tables/ on sofa just in one place without fidgeting.

I find it utterly, utterly unbelievable and inconceivable (pardon the pun) that even if you don't notice the tiredness, the morning sickness, the lack of periods, the swollen tender breasts, the funny taste in your mouth, the flutterings, then the baby's kicking, the stretch marks, the varicose veins, the chubby flushed face etc, that you might at least notice the enormous belly sticking out in front of you that stops you getting comfortable in bed or bending down to do your shoes up for the whole the last trimester.

Lol, I didn't have half those symptoms and was definitely aware I was pregnant (and had a healthy baby boy).

No funny taste, extra tiredness, breast tenderness, stretch marks, varicose veins, chubby or flushed face... nada. And I was able to tie my own shoes the day I went to the birth centre.

Now the borderline hyperemesis for the first half of pregnancy, lack of periods, and obvious bump in the last trimester, were dead giveaways... But lots of women don't get morning sickness and some experience regular spotting throughout pregnancy. And if a woman is a bit too overweight for the bump to be obvious, there might not be many clues left. Even the baby's kicking isn't always perceptible to the mother, as a pp said.

Occasionally - purely on the basis of probability - it's inevitable that lack of symptoms will line up within one person to give a surprise pregnancy. I'm almost surprised it doesn't happen more often!

We were on the same antenatal thread and when I read this Op I thought of you.
Hope all's well.

I wouldn't have believed it either but having heard of it through Ark and subsequently a few friends have had friends to whom it has happened, it mustn't be all that rare.

I found out I was pregnant at 24 weeks. Genuinely did not know. People are flummoxed by this. I was running 6 miles 4 x a week in lycra and still did not show!

As soon as I found out its almost like my body admitted it to itself and I ballooned.

I just remembered this happened to my aunty when I was young, so I actually know 2 people. She'd been through the menopause (or so she thought) and was well into her 40s with grown up kids. She realised when my dad pointed out she looked rather pregnant, I think she was in the third tri.
She ended up claiming old age pension and child benefit at the same time!

I have been pregnant three times, and I find it utterly, utterly unbelievable and inconceivable (pardon the pun) that even if you don't notice the tiredness, the morning sickness, the lack of periods, the swollen tender breasts, the funny taste in your mouth, the flutterings, then the baby's kicking, the stretch marks, the varicose veins, the chubby flushed face etc, that you might at least notice the enormous belly sticking out in front of you that stops you getting comfortable in bed or bending down to do your shoes up for the whole the last trimester.

I have 2 DCs. I didn't get most of the things on your list, so yes I can easily believe that a woman might not know. Especially if, like me, they're overweight. With DC1, I gained weight everywhere, no obvious baby bump, you would never have guessed I was anything other than fat.

I've been pregnant three times, started throwing up at four weeks with the first. With the second, I was still wearing the same clothes, (including a skin tight mini dress worn to a quiz night) at 28 weeks, with the third (twins) I started throwing up two days after conception! I knew with each pregnancy. One of my closest friends however, went to the doctor because she was concerned about her weight loss and constantly feeling sick. She wasn't actually sick, just felt it and over about six months had lost a couple of stone. She had her first (she now has four) a week later. She was 35 weeks. I saw her regularly and can vouch for the fact that she'd gone from a size 14 to a 10. She too had irregular periods so it hadn't occured to anyone that she'd be pregnant.

YABVU I was admitted via a GP (After 3 visits!) to hospital for severe vomiting and dehydration..... he was insistent I had a kidney problem.

8 hours later I was staring at my first scan showing DD (NOW 11 MONTHS) perfectly forming at 9 weeks!

I had also been on the pill and taken it religiously....

Maybe you should hold onto your need to be "especially suspicious" and become a little less judgey instead?

In one of my baby group's there is a girl who had been told she had no chance of ever having a baby. The doctors thought she had cancer or something to explain the symptoms she had, and she was undergoing an X-ray to confirm cancer. She got a call back an hour later and asked to come in urgently for a ultrasound, and there was her baby, at 5 months pregnant... No one had a clue!

Ooh I might be pregnant and not know. That would be amazing!

A friend who is very slim, probably a size 8, didn't know until she was 20 weeks. She jumped to the conclusion it was something really sinister and was having tests. It was her 4th DC and she and her husband had only dtd once in recents months because he had a chronic bad back. Once was enough. When she stood up and revealed her bump we all screamed, 'But how on earth didn't you guess?'. It was so screamingly obvious. So I guess even if you're showing, your mind can play tricks on you and make you think it must be something else!

I think it does happen that a woman is unaware she is pregnant. However I think it is far rarer than people realise. All my friends and family would say the same about me. That I didn't know I was pregnant. I did though, I was just in denial but people to this day think I had no clue. Speaking, since my own pregnancy, to midwives, hvs, doctors and counsellors I was shocked how many women pretend/deny they are pregnant (including me!) and only admit it to health proffessionals whilst maintaining the lie to everyone else.

I'm another one who also thinks that even if you don't have the usual symptoms then surely it must be impossible to ignore that solid bump that, suddenly one day, stops you from bending forward to put on shoes or socks.

The only person I've known this happen to IRL was, I think, lying (or at least burying her head in the sand and ignoring it).

Her circumstances (teenager, major health problems, from a poor single parent family, already had SS intervention etc) I think meant that she didn't want to admit to the pregnancy so hoped that, by not telling anyone, she wouldn't be told to have a termination due to her health problems or be forced to give up the baby by her family/SS.

She also had problems accepting her health problems and didn't tell the midwives the full story when she ("unexpectedly") went into labour and could have easily died.

With DD1 i went for the 12 week scan and i was actually 19 weeks. With Ds1 i am currently 20 weeks and when i went for the 12 week scan i was 16 weeks. If i hadn't have thrown up at work and felt tired, my sil wouldnt have made me test. I didnt think i was pregnant. I was on contraception. And yet here i am pregnant. Some women dont get symptons so dont notice.

My mum didn't know she was pregnant with my younger sister until she was 5 months. No pg tests in those days and she had periods all the way though. My cousin was 4 months before she realised,she thought she was ill as she'd felt so rotten,but had no clue she was pregnant.Years before she'd been on a show jumping trip down to London with some friends,on the way down one of them complained of stomach ache which got worse and worse. One of the team was a nurse and asked if she could be pregnant.Apparently not,but by the time they got to their destination,she was in such a state that they took her to A&E,where she gave birth to a baby girl. The mum had been show jumping the day before,still fit into her jodphurs ect and was genuinely shocked,especially as she'd split up with the baby's father some months back.
I'm one of those weird people who has no pg symptoms, I bleed whilst pregnant but have,no sickness,tiredness and with dd2,you couldn't even tell I was pg. I'd suffered from infertility before and had been told I'd never have children,so if I hadn't have had Dd1 first and known it was possible, I could have not realised with Dd2.