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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think my DD should be able to wash her own hair by now?

56 replies

fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:13

DD is 10.

She is at the age where she'd rather shower or bath in privacy. Absolutely fine. I respect that.
But she is rubbish at washing her hair! She leaves tons of soap on afterwards or doesn't condition properly (as I've showed her so many times) so it's just like a tangled birds nest at the back. We keep it shorter than she'd like because of this (just above collarbone).

It always looks a bit greasy because of it.

AIBU to think that a 10 year old should be pretty competent at washing her own hair? Especially when she is able to do things like Loom bands pretty well?

OP posts:
balletnotlacrosse · 14/05/2015 14:15

Slightly off point, but does a 10 year old really need to use conditioner? That could be contributing to her hair looking greasy.

Original poster
fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:18

Thanks Ballet.

She really needs it because her hair is quite curly and gets easily tangled. My SIL has the same kind of hair and gave her a 'tutorial' last summer on how to manage it.
I had tried just shampooing, but she ended up with a dreadlock that needed cutting out! Gah.
I've tried 2in1 shampoos, or de-tangle sprays, but they don't seem to do the job.
When I wash it, (when I was allowed to do so) it was fine using shampoo and conditioner.
I think she really hates having the shower spray in her face...

OP posts:
Seeline · 14/05/2015 14:18

I often have to help my DD10 with her hair although hers is long.
She can do it herself, but often doesn't get it wet enough in the first place, and the tangles afterwards....
She also uses conditioner - as recommended by a hairdresser. Children's hair can be damaged just as much by the sun and chlorine when swimming etc. Also I haven't a hope in getting the tangles out without conditioner.

Groovee · 14/05/2015 14:18

I do think she should be able to wash the shampoo out. But if it's short and greasy, I wouldn't bother with conditioner.

Original poster
fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:21

Seeline - I think that is part of the problem. She doesn't get it wet enough in the first place. After she's washed it it often still smells 'dirty' but overlaid with a really strong smell of shampoo.

I might have to insist on washing it for her again, I guess she could wear a bathing suit as she is suddenly really modest.

OP posts:
CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 14/05/2015 14:22

My 5yo is able to wash her hair pretty competently under supervision (pointing put the last few bits of shampoo to rinse out), so I'd hope by 10 she'll be able to do it completely independently. Then she can teach me - I still occasionally get out of the shower with a blob of unrinsed shampoo, usually on my temples Blush

maroonedwithfour · 14/05/2015 14:23

My 10 year old can be the same, i have to point out to her that her freshly washed hair is greasy because she has'nt washed the shampoo out fully.

CloserToFiftyThanTwenty · 14/05/2015 14:23

Can you separate out hair washing and showering? Eg do them completely separately, or after she has a shower she gets out and puts on a dressing gown then leans over the bath to wash her hair with your help?

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 14/05/2015 14:23

Yes she should so lets make the job easier...

Washing hair in a shower is easier than in a bath, so hair wash nights always shower.
Washing my hair in a bath drys it out and makes it tangled (even without bubble bath) no idea why but it does, so another reason to shower.

Why does hair that hasn't been bleached/ permed/ treated with heat tools every day and that is only neck length need conditioning?

Do you have the correct shampoo?

is she using too much shampoo? move shampoo into a pump bottle and count out pumps required.

does she bend her head forward when rinsing so gets water in her eyes and wants to stop early?

this has taken a while so sorry if cross posting.

Original poster
fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:24

Closer - that is what I'm irritated by. I saw my friends DD7 wash her hair brilliantly well the other day. I can't work out why my DD doesn't seem willing or able to. She's a bit clumsy in real life and half-arsed about things so i guess it's just a continuation of that.
I really thought by now she would have picked up how to do it though!

OP posts:
Wadingthroughsoup · 14/05/2015 14:25

I sympathise. My 9 year-old often leaves conditioner in her hair so I send her back in for another rinse. I also encourage her to gently comb it while the conditioner is in to make sure it's gone all the way through/round. She's getting better at it.

Original poster
fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:27

Hooray Marooned! I'm not alone. Your DD sounds the same as mine.

That is a really good idea Closer. I think I'll do that. I guess I was beginning to be happy that it was a task she could do alone.

And 0x53 - I will definitely get a pump bottle. That's a good idea. I have had to 'tell her off' for going through the shampoo too quickly in the past. As said though, her hair gets really tangly throughout the day (Goodness knows what she does to it!) so the conditioner really helps with de-knotting the curls. Otherwise she cries and screams if it's knotted and i try and brush it for her (have many tangle-teasers dotted around the house!)

OP posts:
TedAndLola · 14/05/2015 14:28

Can she lean over the bath while you use a shower attachment to do it?

I remember doing that with my mum when I was about your daughter's age. For some reason I hated washing my hair myself - can't remember why.

ShatnersBassoon · 14/05/2015 14:30

I'd send her back into the shower until she'd shampooed and rinsed it properly. Don't bother with conditioner until she's got the hang of thorough rinsing, but use a spray-in one and a wide-tooth comb to tease out the matted bits (which will probably improve once effective washing and rinsing is done).

Nothing motivates my children to do something properly more than the threat of having to repeat it until I'm satisfied Smile

ShadyMyLady · 14/05/2015 14:33

I know the feeling. I have a 10yo dd, but she has a huge afro and has no idea how to even brush it. It takes me over an hour and a half to wash and comb it, then in the mornings about 15 mins just to put it up. I long for the day she can do it herself.

CaptainAnkles · 14/05/2015 14:33

I would do the hair washing and the showering separately too. Wash her hair over the bath and then send her for her shower on her own.

Floggingmolly · 14/05/2015 14:33

I still resort to the over the bath with the shower attachment thing occasionally; dd is 13 Hmm To be fair; she has an enormous amount of curly hair which takes an age to rinse through.

Original poster
fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:34

Shatners - she had to go back three times last night! She missed story time because of it (yep, I still read to her every night.)

TedAnd - I think the leaning over the bath thing is probably the best idea. I had just hoped that the screamy hair washes (she hates having her hair washed!) were a thing of the past by now… sigh.
It's funny how a kid who can be so dextrous with art and loom bands can be so kack handed with their own hair...

OP posts:
halcyondays · 14/05/2015 14:36

have you explained to her that you only need to use a little bit of shampoo and to rinse her hair until the water isn't soapy any more? It's probably not that unusual to need a bit of reminding about rinsing at that age.

Littlef00t · 14/05/2015 14:39

I can sympathise with the shower in face thing, as even now I make sure I don't put my face in the jet, but just crane my head back for the bit at the front.

Original poster
fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:40

Hi Halcyon.

Yep, my SIL gave her a really thorough 'tutorial' on 'How To Manage our Awkward Hair' last summer.

But I've still had to repeatedly 'nag' her about not getting her hair wet in the first place, and somehow she just works the shampoo in circles with the flats of her palms so her hair is a tangled mass with the dirty hair hidden underneath it on her scalp.

I think I just need to go back to doing it myself and handing her a bathing suit or bathrobe. Blah.

OP posts:
AliaMairns · 14/05/2015 14:41

This doesn't work for everyone but my hair started getting really greasy, and I read somewhere that when you condition no matter how much you rinse you'll never get the residue out.

So I started reverse washing, ( conditioner first then shampoo) and if its unmanageable when I go to dry it just chuck in a tiny bit of leave in conditioner and go at it with a tangle teaser

Mistigri · 14/05/2015 14:41

Is she showering or doing it with a spray attachment?

I do think that at 10 she should be washing her own hair, but also that you're being a bit U expecting her to do it as well as an adult would (especially if she's a bit clumsy). My 12 year old has been washing his hair for years but recently his hair has got greasier and sometimes it's obvious that he hasn't washed it well enough. I now ask him to do two shampoo and rinses.

I'd suggest having her brush or comb her hair before washing (to reduce tangles) and do two shampoos using 2-in-1 shampoo. And do it in a shower not with an attachment if possible.

Time will resolve this problem as she gets older and more vain ;) My only issue with my teenage daughter is the sheer amount of time she spends applying hair treatments. When she was younger she did the minimum and we had to keep her hair shoulder length to avoid tangles.

Original poster
fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:41

I'll try that Alia! Thanks! INtersting idea that i had read about but had forgotten.

OP posts:
SevTSnape · 14/05/2015 14:43

Just tell her that until she learns to wash & rinse her hair properly, like a grown up who showers/bathes alone, you will continue to be in there while she shower/bathes to ensure she is doing it properly, like a child. I bet that'd give her a kick up the bum.

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