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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to think my DD should be able to wash her own hair by now?

56 replies

fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:13

DD is 10.

She is at the age where she'd rather shower or bath in privacy. Absolutely fine. I respect that.
But she is rubbish at washing her hair! She leaves tons of soap on afterwards or doesn't condition properly (as I've showed her so many times) so it's just like a tangled birds nest at the back. We keep it shorter than she'd like because of this (just above collarbone).

It always looks a bit greasy because of it.

AIBU to think that a 10 year old should be pretty competent at washing her own hair? Especially when she is able to do things like Loom bands pretty well?

OP posts:

0x530x610x750x630x79 · 14/05/2015 14:45

i hate shower in my face so make a banana shape when i wash hair

NRomanoff · 14/05/2015 14:45

My 10 (almost 11 year old) year old has thick curly long hair and struggles. If i let her she would sit in the bath and let me do it, while moaning she want more privacy

She did all of the above. I got her doing by almost supervising her, I would stay in the bathroom and check it at each stage. Make sure she had suds everywhere, make sure it was rinsed out, make sure condition was in the right place and the rinsed out. Very tedious. But she does it herself now and we have no problems.

I bloody preferred it when she had shoulder length hair. She managed no problem.

She like to do some stuff for herself, but is quite happy to let me do stuff like that for her, but she really does need to learn to be a bit more independent.

Badgerwife · 14/05/2015 14:47

I was hopeless at washing my hair all the way up to 13 year old, until I was shamed by a visitor to our house because I needed my mum to help and they commented on it and mocked me.

I would continue to show her how to do it, she'll get there eventually, there's no adult who doesn't have that basic skill.

Charlotte3333 · 14/05/2015 14:50

DS1 will be 10 this october and cannot be trusted to do anything alone. I let him shower solo sometimes, stick my head around the door 20 minutes after he began and ask "have you washed your hair and your penis yet" and he sing-songs every time "oh I forgot, I was building a dam with your flannel".

I can't even imagine a curly-haired girl being like that. Nothing to offer but sympathy.

Original poster

fourchetteoff · 14/05/2015 14:52

Thanks all of you!

I think I was expecting too much of her then and that just because her cousin, who began washing her hair, packing her lunch, getting ready for school all by herself at the same age could do all of that, doesn't mean that my DD is motivated in the same way.

I strongly get the feeling there is a massive bit of laziness to it. She's quite 'mañana' about life in general.
I'll continue supervising her and see if we can't get her washing her hair by herself by the time she leaves for uni one day.

I really appreciate knowing that my expectations were probably a little too high and having some great top tips.

OP posts:

MomOfTwoGirls2 · 14/05/2015 16:48

DD2 can do hers well since she was about 8. DD1 has same problems as your DD and she's 13 this month. Dd1 is also arty girl, she will spend ages in the shower, daydreaming I guess. I have to remind her EVERY time she has a shower that I expect her to do her hair properly. Otherwise the shampoo will still be in even after 15 mins in the shower. I'm hoping vanity will take over in the teenage years.

Rowgtfc72 · 14/05/2015 18:06

Dd has been showering herself since she was seven. She always misses the back of her hair. We have one of those extendable shaving mirrors in the bathroom and dh always makes sure its near the shower now so she can see what she's missed. So far so good. All we have to crack now is less noisy singing and a limit on the time she is in!

Snozberry · 14/05/2015 18:14

I still hate washing my hair age 26 because of the water on my face, bending forwards over the bath and using a shower attachment is worth a try

Snozberry · 14/05/2015 18:15

perhaps with a towel in her lap too incase it is the wet face she dislikes

DingleberryFinn · 14/05/2015 18:22

Wash her hair actually during a bath, i.e. lying down in the bath full of water?

LilRedWG · 14/05/2015 18:23

Have you thought about using a leave in conditioner? Aussie do a good spray one.

Welshmaenad · 14/05/2015 18:26

My 9 year old is disabled do understandably can't wash her own hair - it's also thick and long enough to sit on (and the bane of my fucking life but she won't cut it).

We've 'trained' it do it only needs washing about once a fortnight. Rest of the time she just rinses it in the shower. It's in remarkably good condition, we just plaited it through any greasy spells.

Notso · 14/05/2015 18:29

10 year old DS has this trouble. He hates showering but ends up prolonging it as he has to go back and rinse his hair.
I sometimes do it over the bath but he hates that too.

murmuration · 14/05/2015 18:31

Does your kitchen tap have one of those pull-out spray things? If so, you could have her sit on some cushions on a chair and wash it salon-style.

If her hair is very curly, it might be worth looking into 'curly girl' -- the idea is that you avoid shampoo entirely, using only conditioner, and making sure to massage the scalp to remove dead skin, etc. I must say that I am unable to avoid shampoo entirely (just seems too weird!) although there are people who swear by it. I only use shampoo once a week, though, and it seems to work. If she's bothered by the suds in her eyes, this could help.

measles64 · 14/05/2015 18:45

My DS aged 13 overloads on the conditioner so it looks greasy coming out. I would book a wash and blow dry at the hairdressers and get the hair washer to advise daughters on the correct way to do it.

MuddlingMackem · 14/05/2015 19:25

I haven't read all of the thread, but maybe she's just rubbish at washing her hair in the shower - I am and I'm in my forties!

Perhaps it would be easier if she showers herself, but you wash her hair in the sink. I've always found that much easier than washing it over the bath. Or it may be that she can wash her own hair competently in the sink. It's worth a try and you can take over if she struggles.

mumeeee · 14/05/2015 19:28

DD3 was assessed by an OT when she was 8. She was washing her hair with supervision at that time. I was told that was age appropriate. So at 10 although she should be washing her hair your DD might still need some supervision. Also I've been told conditioner should not be used every time you wash your hair as it often makes your hair greasy.

EarSlaps · 14/05/2015 19:39

What about a shampoo brush? Then she can brush it through rather than scrubbing, which can be tricky. She'd need to brush her hair before showering then gently brush through. Doesn't

EarSlaps · 14/05/2015 19:41

Argh, posted too soon!

Doesn't seem to pull my very knotty hair. Make sure she uses a very gentle shampoo as harsh ones can make hair greasier. Plus a light conditioner on ends only.

Aermingers · 14/05/2015 19:42

Could she wash her hair in the bath instead? I have that sort of hair and also don't really like the shower in my face and I still wash it like that.

You can sit backwards in the bath to wet your hair, put the shampoo in, then rinse it off by leaning backwards in the bath and rinsing the shampoo out by leaning back again and running your hands through it. When you have that sort of hair it matts together and can hurt if you're trying to detangle it and pull the knots out in the shower. If you do it in the bath your hair is floating and you can pull your fingers to it and it unknots easily and without pain. Then she should put on conditioner and brush it through with a paddle brush (I know it's supposed to be a comb but that doesn't work on thick and curly hair). Then when she has it all detangled and conditioned she can give it a final rinse with the showerhead so it is all clean.

Do give that a try, worked for me at about the same age when I struggled a bit.

Aermingers · 14/05/2015 19:43

Oh, and can you get her some frizz ease or serum spray? If she has a little extra oil in her hair it won't knot so easily and will look shiny rather than greasy.

Dry shampoo might be good between washes if it gets a bit greasy and that needs soaking up.

SeenSheen · 14/05/2015 23:16

I'm sure you are right about the laziness as 10 is plenty old enough. Keep sending her back to the bathroom until it is done properly - shouldn't take her long to catch on.

Is there mirror that she can check her hair in herself?

OneMillionScovilles · 15/05/2015 23:01

As PPs have said - if you want to give her privacy, try separating hair-washing from body-cleaning time. If you have a shower attachment, have her hang her head (wow - lots of Hs!) over the bath; if not, a jug will totally do - it's what my mum used to do :) Best of luck x

Littlefluffyclouds81 · 15/05/2015 23:17

My dd is nearly 11 and we had this problem
For a while. She's a lazy tyke and doesn't like to spend long in the shower, so she'd shampoo and condition in about 2 minutes flat, and not wash either out. As a result her hair would look like she'd been frying chips in it.

I just had to keep nagging her to spend a good few minutes rinsing her hair after each product, and making her get back in the shower if she got out with sudsey hair. She got there, eventually. Also, I took her to the hairdressers and paid for her to have the full works: massage chair, hair washing and a funky haircut which she loves so now she takes more pride in it and wants it to look nice.

Stealthsquiggle · 15/05/2015 23:32

She needs to master washing and rinsing without doing the "round and round scrubbing". I would suggest leaning over the bath wrapped in a towel while you do it until she does. My 8yo DD has recently mastered this, after repeatedly sending her back to try again, at the cost of story time.

I would focus on that rather than conditioner. Once it is getting clean, and properly rinsed, if you finger-comb Moroccan oil through it when it is wet, you should be able to get away without conditioner.

That said, only the threat of having her currently quite long hair cut short has focused DD's mind, and you don't have that leverage.

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