How would you feel about this?

[WhitePhantom]

My DD, aged 8, is good friends with P. She was at P's house recently for the day, and P's parents were both there.

When DD came home, she was laughing about a hide-and-seek game they played with P's dad. The girls were hiding, and in trying to make them giggle (so that he could find them) he called out "I've pulled my trousers down and everyone can see my pants".

I may be over-reacting but a little alarm bell is going off in my head... I think an adult joking with little girls about his trousers being down, and making it sound normal and funny and harmless, is just a bit odd.

What makes it awkward also is, having a sleepover at some stage was mentioned recently and I was fine with it, but now I feel quite uncomfortable about the whole idea.

What do you think? Am I over-thinking this or do you find it a bit strange?

does sound odd but kids can get things wrong in translation....

so go to the mum or dad and say with a laugh gosh it was really funny but dd came home and said that p's dad said xxxx... i am sure she must have got this wrong? " see what mum or dad says .

I don't like it. But I am paranoid. With good reason.

tbh I wouldn't read anything into it. He was trying to make them giggle not trying to get them to come out iyswim.

And children do giggle at that sort of thing. Even at the talk of willies and so on although he hadn't crossed that line.

But IMO we have got to a point where sexual abuse is read into every situation when IMO that kind of thing is innocent.

I think you are reading way too much into it. It was just a joke to make them laugh, as someone else said, pants are funny at 8. He didn't actually do it.

He's saying daft funny stuff. Kids would think that's hilarious.

I find it a bit odd too

It sounds like a joke but I would personally have the chat with DD about what is and isn't acceptable and let her know to speak up immediately if anything should be said/happen that she doesn't feel comfortable with.

It is definitely strange/unusual, but is it actually sinister? Could it have been just weirdly naive and ill-judged on the father's part?

If I didn't know, and couldn't find out, I think I would have to err on the side of caution and hold off on the sleepover.

No - not appropriate IMO

I'd discourage a sleepover. It's probably nothing but it does suggest a lack of common sense, rather.

That exactly sounds like my dad's humour to me. Do you have reason to be suspicious that it is something else?

I would have thought that it was a joke that some would appreciate and others might find dodgy. I would have found that idea hilarious as a child.

He's trying to be funny. If this is your only 'flag,' let it go.

That's odd.... Was he hoping they would reciprocate?

And sleepovers? With someone you barely know?

It might be less odd in their household than in yours, especially in the context it was in (perhaps they'd seen some trousers fall down on TV - it happened in front of Nick Clegg recently, or Youve Been Framed or similar) It might help you raise the www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/keeping-children-safe/underwear-rule/ conversation if you're careful not to suggest there's anything amiss with friend's dad. She told you about it - communication is open. I hope she had a good time. Maybe mention it in passing if you're concerned.

Odd, but probably just in an off the cuff remark. I'd do the same as Kayak, and just reiterate rights, wrongs and tell her to speak to me if anything worries her however slight it may seem.

I think as long as your daughter knows about what is and what is not acceptable behaviour from adults (in regard to touching, showing, language, alcohol, boundaries etc) then you do not need to worry about a sleep over. She will know the difference between him trying to make them giggle pretending to show his pants (the 8 year olds I know would find this very funny) and some kind of grooming or abusive behaviour.

Keep the chatting going, so she knows she can tell you anything and you will probably find nothing else untoward is mentioned.

I also wonder that you might want to mention it to the DH as something which concerned you. I expect you'll find he is mortified that a silly joke could have been taken that way.
I would probably approach it that way.

It seems odd to me that the dad would be playing with them. At 8 years old they don't need entertaining, they have each other to play with, most parents would be getting on with their own thing and leave them to it wouldn't they?

Based on what the op has said there's absolutely nothing to suggest he was trying to get them to show then their underwear. His wife was in the house. The girls are good friends but a previous poster says a sleepover would be weird.

Unless there's a huge back story this is a silly joke. Sometimes I am very glad I am not a man.

321 - that's ridiculous!

My DD is 12 and she, her friend and my DH were bouncing around the trampoline having a laugh this weekend. I don't see anything odd about a DH playing with kids and their friends at all. My DH loves chasing and mucking around with my kids and their mates, because they are wonderful people to be around.

And so do I. Am I odd as well?

321zerobaby They don't need entertaining?

They don't need birthday presents or sweets either, but that doesn't mean you don't let them have them.

Some of us actually like playing with our kids.