How would you feel about this?

[WhitePhantom]

My DD, aged 8, is good friends with P. She was at P's house recently for the day, and P's parents were both there.

When DD came home, she was laughing about a hide-and-seek game they played with P's dad. The girls were hiding, and in trying to make them giggle (so that he could find them) he called out "I've pulled my trousers down and everyone can see my pants".

I may be over-reacting but a little alarm bell is going off in my head... I think an adult joking with little girls about his trousers being down, and making it sound normal and funny and harmless, is just a bit odd.

What makes it awkward also is, having a sleepover at some stage was mentioned recently and I was fine with it, but now I feel quite uncomfortable about the whole idea.

What do you think? Am I over-thinking this or do you find it a bit strange?

Floaty I'm so sorry this thread has upset you. You (and a number of other posters) can see that I'm not shouting paedo from the rooftops but neither am I laughing at how obviously harmless it is... I'm just not sure what to make of it.

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Of course it's possible that it was completely daft and funny and innocent.

Of course it's also possible he was trying to normalise something completely inappropriate.

I just wish people could give their opinions without being horrible to the people who have a different opinion

Don't ignore your instincts.

I think it's odd. I cant imagine saying something similar to my own do, let alone while their friends are there.

"Where are you? I've taken my top off and everyone can see my bra"

I find it a bit of an odd thing to say. And as a survivor of abuse yes it would trigger alarms bells.

Having said that, with no other reason to be suspicious I wouldn't ban my child from going there.

I would definately re-do the safe boundaries talk (unrelated to this incident though so child wouldn't think there was something to be worried about), and I would bee tally filing it carefully away just in case anything happened in the future.

would be mentally filing it away

No counting of bees going on here

a "daft as a brush" thing to say to get the girls giggling could have been better judged

why pants down ?

why not "my ears are waggling" or "my nose is honking"

those would also make kids dissolve into laughter

badly judged, I would say

Thank god for floaty and fiveacres. I sometimes wonder if people are just in a weird Dawkins state of denial where they cannot confront their own abuse and so minimize it (and expose their own children obv)

Next time say he made a joke about your daughter washing the dishes. You'll be given a swift cut-off-t-b and all will be well in the world of mumsnet.

Again that unattractive Mumsnet trend of laughing at anyone who dares ask a question about a man and their children's safety.

ANY thread about this type of thing results in a slew of posters poking fun and worse....."Oh get your flaming torches...there's a peedo about!" and "How would you feel if you were a man?"

Who GIVES a shit!? Stop bullying people who want advice!

If we beat people down for having some misgivings about other people's interactions with our children then that is not only as bad as shouting peedo but it's just stupid!

*"How would you feel if you were a man?"

Who GIVES a shit!? Stop bullying people who want advice!*

I said this and I really don't think that's bullying. The op wanted advice on whether she was overreacting. In my opinion it sounds like a silly joke from a bloke with a silly sense of humour (caveats and questions in all my posts about whether there are any other causes for suspicion).

Most posters have said on the balance of probabilities that this is an innocent joke. I do feel sorry for men that the first reaction to any joke about pants (which children love) is "are they a paedophile" and "why were they playing a game with the children...there must be something deeply wrong there".

It isn't wrong for the op to think about the situation and whether all is above board. It also isn't wrong for posters to say that it sounds like a normal dad playing with his daughter and her friend.

All the non-sensical jokes my 4 year old has are about trumping, smelly nappies ( he has a baby brother) and pants etc, etc. And that is what kids find funny and is very normal. I can see why your ears pricked up though, I think mine might too, but that on it's own wouldn't be enough to wave a red flag for me.