To think even the term OW has an expiry date

[OWisaFeminsta]

I've namechanged as I do not want to link my other MN life to this.

I have been with my husband for a number of years, we have DC and he has another from his first marriage. I met him while he was still married and remained friendly with one another, some time thereafter, he separated and we dated and later filed for a divorce.

She blamed me for their breakup and went and still goes to length to disparage me to anyone - school gate mums, neighbours, colleagues since my marriage. Today, this woman has done something horrible to me and I am shaking.

The ex still blames me and because we live near a village that they both grew up in, she intentionally, close to a decade later, instigates divisions between myself and all others, mostly women, in my village at the school gate and her friends.

But I am not to blame, they had problems, she knew about them. Something she selectively forgot is before I came along, they had the previous year broken up and got back on learning she is pregnant. Why has she forgotten about the counselling they went through to try and revive their relationship? Did she think that they went for counselling because they had a "strong" relationship?

Am I unreasonable:
to think its disingenuous to blame the breakup of her already fraught marriage on me?
to think she and my ex are primarily the reason her "son does not have a 2 parent home"?
to think no one single instance can lead to divorce?
to think I made no vow to her and point blank refuse to accept this crap she keeps throwing at me?
to plan on being silent but contemptious of her from now on?

AIBU isn't for support, its an arena where possible differing viewpoint are expressed and people regularly disagree with the op. The question was whether OW as a title has as ell by date -, differing viewpoints are what the OP has got - she can hardly complain.

But spreading rumours ten years on, shopping someone maliciously to the home office ten years on coming on to the internet to find someone's thread shows a clearly unhinged character, and if this is the person the op's dh left then I'm not surprised. Not all ex's are poor innocent victims, it takes two to destroy a relationship.

Yet again you are accepting what the OP says as truth, if Runaway is indeed the XW in question,then she has a right to defend herself, and offer a slightly different view of the picture the OP was trying to portray. But even before she arrived, not everyone was falling for the very one sided version of events given by the OP. It may well take two to destroy a relationship the two in question here may very well be the OP and her now H.

Only on Mumsnet is it bad form to come onto a thread to defend yourself, but not bad form to screw another woman's husband . What a parallel universe is forumland !

Ive not even thought about the possibility the OP may have been the other woman.

My input is based on having involvement with the HO regarding immigration type stuff and I found it highly doubtful from the outset that the OP had been told who had maybe reported her. Then when asked she said she assumed it had been the previous wife.

It smelt a bit fishy.

If I had been as vindictive as she is accuse of being 10 years on I would be ashamed to appear on the thread.

The same in laws and his friends who are quite keen to be seen as liberal if you understand what I mean

I actually don't know what you mean.

But then, this whole thread is

Workhouse, If you hadn't done anything wrong why would you be ashamed?

But she hasn't been defending herself, she has just popped up and been a bit bitchy about the OP.

What a bizarre thread.

I believe that if she hadn't done it she would have said so, claiming that she probably couldn't be bothered just doesn't wash.

She wasnt bitchy about OP. She stated her version of things. OP was the one being bitchy and then ran when she might have been called out on it.

Who said anything about her defending herself?

The previous wife posted and let it be known she knew about the thread and
I think she's come across really well. And if anyone has been bitchy its the OP (who I still don't want to refer to as the OW because we don't if she was or not).

Been a bit bitchy about the Oh-so-serene OP, who was full of nothing but compliments for her.
The OP has clearly never liked the XW, from the outset she said she got all her info about their relationship from a third party as she 'refused to discuss her' with her DH.

OP is hardly a shining example of being passive is she?

FedUp that sounds horrible for you.

Workhouse - you may have denied it if you hadn't done it but not everyone would feel the need to. I certainly wouldn't because to be quite frank it wouldn't bother me if people believed it or not.

Waltermitty
Maybe she means they pretend to liberal, but are actually out canvassing for UKIP with her at the weekends

Weebirdie It wouldn't particularly bother me either, but then I wouldn't have bothered to come on the thread either.

Appearing on the thread and not bothering to deny it is strange behavior (they all sound a bit odd to be fair)

This is all pathetic.

It was ten years ago.

If she was the OW or not the ex needs to move the fuck on. On MN ex wives can do no wrong and it is always the new wife who is the shit.

Reporting her, which I think the poster would have denied straight away if it wasn't true is pathetic.

How this relationship started shouldn't matter at this point. It was 10 years ago ffs.

Actually workhouse, although OW are clearly saintly beings on MN, some are not content with merely wrecking a marriage, they want constant reactions because they are very attention seeking, so they provoke and provoke, throw accusations etc. EX wives often want to move on but the OW keeps trying to involve them in their lives, so they can harangue and accuse.

OP has admitted she 'hates' the ex wife. Why? - why doesn't she get on with her life and ignore the exwife? Making false accusations about someone reporting you to the HO is as vindictive and crazy, as making those accusations. We don;t know who is telling the truth. But if you have been dealing with a crazy person for a long time you may well have decided to avoid engaging and not answer direct accusations, EXWife may well be taking legal advice, she may well have decided to ignore as best as possible. Who knows?

The fact is we have one side, the OP's -she is a woman who admittedly 'hates' the exwife. Is it not even remotely possible that this hatred - a very strong emotion - may have clouded her judgement? (that is a charitable view, it may also have made her so vindictive that she comes onto fora with wild accusations that bear no ressemblance to the truth.) OP's language does her no favours at all, she sounds completely irrational and as such may be incapable of viewing the situation sensibly. Maybe she blames ExW for every single thing that goes wrong in her life. We don;t know.

Not sure who first mentioned it but it's been repeated throughout the thread: This situation happened 10 years ago The way we're debating about it you'd think it was in the last few months!

Why has no-one since moved on? The whole thing is just mad. If not entirely improbable! I mean, you just conveniently come across a thread that discusses your life from nearly 10 years ago and you reply within the hour with various accusations that could mean anything or nothing!

Having said that, I'd rather give them the benefit of the doubt as this situation is very common i.e. Man leaves wife for OW, wife feels awful and resents him, OW plays the innocent, man behaves as if he had no idea the hell he'd cause etc etc...

I agree with poster that said that AIBU is not the place to come for a hand-hold, it's to listen to a plurality of views.

*Honestly, I think I would be bitching right, left and center if somebody reported my marriage as a marriage of convenience.

I really think that stalking your exH's wife/partner/girlfriend for 10 years, is bonkers, no matter the circumstances.

As someone put it up thread, keeping so much resentment is like drinking poison yourself and expect the other person to die*

This

Thank fuck my ex husband didn't act this way when I ended our marriage. MN always says don't cheat, leave the marriage first if there is another person on the scene. This is what the OP's dh did. Now even that is wrong.

Workhouse, I think the previous wife was just telling the OP that she knew she was being discussed. She had her say, and now she's gone.

This situation happened 10 years ago

The Home Office thing happened today.