AIBU to wish people would stop moaning about being pregnant!

[SomedayMummy]

"I am so uncomfortable"
"I want my body back"
"I'm so fat"
"I can't sleep"
Repeat.

We have been trying for years. I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant. It's nine months of discomfort (unless you have HG or other problems, I get that must be horrendous) you are growing a person, it is a beautiful gift. Something that some people pray day and night to be able to experience.

Stop fucking moaning!

Nb. This is aimed at friends who know our circumstances yet continue with their moaning about how awful it is to be fertile.

I totally get how it must make you feel, as I used to feel that.

I also know how it feels to then get pregnant, and moan a bit, because it can be a pain in the arse at times.

I hope one day you will also be able to say what I just said

Fingers crossed for you.

I was going to come and defend pregnant women, and advise you that actually, being pregnant isn't all glowy-delight.

But no, actually, YANBU. Anyone with friends who are experiencing what you're going through has a responsibility to be slightly kinder, to be less vocal with the complaints. The fact that they're not speaks volumes about them. For you too. You're absolutely right, it's the biggest gift you'll ever have in life. It is disingenuous to complain about it in those circumstances.

I'm with you Someday

I've experienced 3 x mc's in the last 12 months and I've got no dcs. Every time I hear someone moan, it's like a knife twisting and all I can think about is that I should be cuddling my baby. Not grieving for 3 I've lost.

However I'm bitter and resentful and have reached depths of sadness I quite frankly never knew possible.

Already been told I'm out of order for not being happy and celebrating for a friend who have birth recently.

Jog. The. Fuck. On is my answer to that.

So YADNBU!!!

The only explanation I can think of is that when you get pregnant you suddenly exist within a teeny tiny bubble, as the pregnancy is all-consuming. So people who were once the kindest folk you'd ever met turn into the pregnancy equivalent of bridezilla. I know a few people who've gone a bit batshit-selfish while pregnant, and only months after the baby is born do they begin to settle back to earth. It makes nothing easier for you, but perhaps they're not doing it intentionally.

I think if people you know are moaning at you then they are being insensitive and I don't blame you for being annoyed by it.

In a general sense though pg women should be allowed to moan. I find it utterly horrendous being pregnant, even though it took me years of miscarriages and a late stage loss before I had a baby, I still hated every second of it. It made me feel very guilty actually. I felt as if I should be more grateful, and I was in my head but not in my body iyswim.

I do hope it all works out for you.

Of course YABU. When I had 4 m/c in a row it didnt make anyone elses pregnancy easier. Now I'm pregnant, and having a hard time of it, I'm allowed to say so.

I feel for you but you're still unreasonable. Is everyone banned from talking about any problems with their children if you don't have any? Is everyone banned from talking about their parents if you don't have any? Is everyone banned from talking about their houses if you can't buy one?

Thats not how life works.

We have been trying for 3 years to conceive, have lost many many babies and had a tftm at 21 weeks.

I am now 13 weeks pregnant and will not be made to feel guilty for complaining of the awful backache, and back problems, caused by the labour and birth of our only surviving child.

It's no one else's fault you aren't conceiving, and people should be expected to walk on eggshells around you incase you are offended. It's their pregnancy to moan and / or boast about.

Madereloco you sound like a great friend. I'm sure your friends appreciate your lack of compassion.

Sorry that you're having such a tough time. That does seem insensitive of your friends, I wonder whether in some misguided way they are telling you about the crap side of pregnancy in an attempt to make you feel less envious or to lessen their guilt for being pregnant. I hope things work out for you in the end.

You have no idea about my compassion levels. You don't seem to have much yourself though. It's not a one way street, you want your friends to have compassion for your struggle getting pregnant, yet have none if they are struggling being pregnant.
It's not all about you.

I realise this is agony for you and I can't even begin to fathom how much. But there will always be pregnant women and not all of pregnancy is a bed of roses and delights. Why should they never talk about the difficult parts? It doesn't make them less grateful for the baby at the end or more grateful if they pretend it isn't tough at times.

YABU
Pregnancy can be shit, some people really struggle and really suffer throughout
Obviously it's awful for you that you are struggling to conceive and I'm very sorry for you but that doesn't make anyone else's pregnancies easier and them not moaning won't make you pregnant
Sorry but the 2 things are not related

Someday, I'm sorry, really truly sorry about your situation. I've suffered a miscarriage myself, it was awful.

However, yabu, very much so. You cannot dictate how another person can vocalise how they feel, especially if they are feeling uncomfortable. They are allowed to moan about being ill, or in pain in whatever situation that means they are feeling as such. It is not due to feeling ungrateful for being pregnant, or trying to hurt your feelings. Sometimes being pregnant feels physically and mentally awful, almost worst so when you know this is what you wanted/planned.

I suspect I may have done this just today to an old work colleague I bumped into. I'm pretty obviously pregnant (36 weeks - it's hard to hide it!) and I know she has had awful fertility problems and is still childless.

She asked how I was and how the pregnancy had been and I told her the truth - it had a rocky start and now at 36 weeks it's bloody uncomfortable. I did immediately say that I wasn't complaining really.

I know I'm extremely fortunate to be in my position (especially as I have PCOS and have experienced mc). I do really feel for her, really truly. However, I wasn't going to lie when asked directly how I was.

I agree flaunting it in front of you specifically and deliberately WBU, but I don't think a general fb update or whatever complaining is BU.

I suspect I may have done this just today to an old work colleague I bumped into. I'm pretty obviously pregnant (36 weeks - it's hard to hide it!) and I know she has had awful fertility problems and is still childless.

She asked how I was and how the pregnancy had been and I told her the truth - it had a rocky start and now at 36 weeks it's bloody uncomfortable. I did immediately say that I wasn't complaining really.

I know I'm extremely fortunate to be in my position (especially as I have PCOS and have experienced mc). I do really feel for her, really truly. However, I wasn't going to lie when asked directly how I was.

I agree flaunting it in front of you specifically and deliberately WBU, but I don't think a general fb update or whatever complaining is BU.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. With both pregnancies I had various complications the worst of which was HG for the whole 9 months (both times! ). Even bent double over the loo with tears streaming down my face because my ribs hurt so much from retching, I was still absurdly grateful to be pregnant and thought it was a small price to pay

It depends on the context. Your friends are being very insensitive if they moan to you directly, yes, unless it's in direct response to a question about how they are feeling/how the pregnancy is going - but if it's just general Facebook moans then that's different, they aren't addressing it at you or anyone in particular and I think you just have to try and remove yourself from it. I hope it happens for you soon , I really do.

I used to think the same, until got pregnant and have worst sickness, I think it is karma. Good luck with your TTCing

Yanbu to feel sad. You're entitled to your feelings , as are your friends. Some people panic and dont know what to say, perhaps they dont want to go on about how excited they are,names etc so switch to british default of a good old moan?

Yabu. I've had two miscarriages and on my second hopefully healthy pregnancy. It is awful to feel that sick, tired, constipated, sleepless, back ache, spd whatever. That doesn't diminish how hard it must be for you but pregnancy is awful for some people no matter other people's fertility issues.

I'm sorry, this must be really difficult for you to hear.

I'm pregnant after taking quite a long time ttc compared to friends (currently 31 weeks) and I feel fine, but people keep asking me if I'm ok, how am I feeling/ I must be tired - do I want to sit down?! It's sweet buts gets pretty annoying. I just keep saying I feel great thanks! I think some people just get into a moaning rut because other people encourage it and keep reminding you that you're pregnant and therefore you must feel like shit! Whereas I think being pregnant is not like being ill! Obviously there are some people who are seriously ill during pregnancy and they deserve full sympathy and support like any other ill person (e.g. SPD sufferers who struggle to walk, severe sickness) but most people just have a bit of discomfort.

Good luck in your pregnancy journey, I hope you get lucky soon. It took us a while and feels amazing that we're only 9 weeks away from holding our little bundle. It is worth the wait. xx

Whilst I'm bitter and resentful - I wouldn't dream of saying anything to anyone.

I'm grieving and those are my issues and my sanity has to be my priority.

But absolutely the same way any pregnant woman's journey / pregnancy is her priority. Doesn't make it right or wrong

I think some people just get into a moaning rut because other people encourage it and keep reminding you that you're pregnant and therefore you must feel like shit! Whereas I think being pregnant is not like being ill!

See, I thought like this when I was pregnant with my first, but boy was I in for a shock with my second. Only then did I realise how naive I was...

Yanbu to wish they would stop. It must be very hard. People often forget how lucky they are and can be truly insensitive.

YANBU if they know your situation and are initiating that conversation. If you've asked them how they are or something about the pregnancy though I think a little moan is natural.
I think it's some sort of British thing to try and make bad things sound good e.g. if you're struggling to conceive and people say at least you don't have morning sickness. I get the same about my premature baby with the at least you weren't big and uncomfortable comments, It's a very clumsy attempt to make the other person feel better which often has the opposite effect.

I must admit I took a long time to conceive DS and thought the same as you about the moaning, then I had a horrendous pregnancy with huge bleeds, the last one being 2 litres in less than an hour. There was a lot of fucking moaning from me at the time I'm afraid!