AIBU to wish people would stop moaning about being pregnant!

[SomedayMummy]

"I am so uncomfortable"
"I want my body back"
"I'm so fat"
"I can't sleep"
Repeat.

We have been trying for years. I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant. It's nine months of discomfort (unless you have HG or other problems, I get that must be horrendous) you are growing a person, it is a beautiful gift. Something that some people pray day and night to be able to experience.

Stop fucking moaning!

Nb. This is aimed at friends who know our circumstances yet continue with their moaning about how awful it is to be fertile.

Yanbu to wish that your friends, people who know your struggles, would stop moaning.

I struggled to conceive and am currently 28 wks pregnant. The first 15weeks were truly awful and felt like they would never end. I felt dreadful for complaining and couldn't imagine how I would cope with the rest of the pregnancy. Thankfully I am feeling lots better now. I never realised how all consuming sickness, tiredness and painful hips could be.

YANBU. Sounds like you have quite insensitive friends. it took us 6 years and treatment to have no 1 and I was lucky in that my friends who knew and fell pregnant more easily were sensitive. Almost too much so - I did have to pull one to one side and explain I was delighted that she was pregnant and to please not worry about what she said to me.

But, it could be that this says more about how you are dealing with your lack of pregnancy rather than how much they are saying about their own. Pregnancy isn't all roses and it is normal for people to say how they are doing (which can often be a bit sh*t). Whilst they should be a bit more sensitive around you, maybe you are being a bit oversensitive around them.

Good luck with your own fertility. I'm one of the lucky ones that it all worked out for in the end. I hope you are too.

Yanbu sometimes people can get stuck up themselves with things and come across as someone else said 'like arses'. Being told 'at least you dont have morning sickness anymore ' isn't good after a mmc but sadly I know some insensitive jerks too.

These are your friends, obviously they shouldn't have to hide everything about themself but to mown so much you upset your friend...poor behaviour imo.

How often is the moaning? I used to get text updated when we were struggling TTC which irritated me- yes your nipples chafe today too, well so does my fanny where we are frantically going at it. I don't text you every session so why text me every day?

On the other hand my other two pregnant friends are lovely and while I do feel the odd pang I know they aren't like insensitive peoples above and are generally feeling unwell rather then attention seeking like the above.

OP I'm very sorry to hear about your fertility problems and losses.

I agree people should be more sensitive, but I also think it's unrealistic to expect them not to mention their pregnancy in your company. Maybe some are not aware of your situation?

Pregnancy can be a tough, scary, exhausting experience. I have HG and although I'm very very grateful to be pregnant (history of endometriosis and ruptured cysts) I find pregnancy difficult and isolating. I've been signed off sick for months, lost touch with many friends, been through ups and downs with DH as a result of feeling so ill.

When we were TTC, my best friend got pregnant accidentally. She had a difficult pregnancy due to SPD she was in a lot of pain, on crutches, unable to get out much. I felt very jealous of her pregnancy at the time, but tried to put these feelings aside and supported her through it as best I could. She is now a lifeline to me during my pregnancy, especially when I was in hospital.

When people moan they are often just trying to get things off their chest, or asking for a bit of empathy or emotional support. Constant vomiting, back-pain, unrelenting heartburn, migraines... it gets you down and you reach out to others to offer a kind word now and then. When you're suffering you often forget other people's problems and being in pain or constant discomfort can make anyone less sensitive.

Maybe gently remind people that you find it painful when they moan about their pregnancy problems. But try and offer a kind word too, if you can. They will appreciate it and be more supportive of you when you need them.

Yes even the most healthy of pregnancies can have moments of pain / grumpiness / niggles etc.. You don't lose your bloody mind though so never, ever should you complain to someone who you know has fertility issues!

Oh gosh sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. Hopefully your friends can be sensitive as it must be tough for you xx

Sorry i was guilty of doing this in every one of my pregnancy's to a small degree (i could be kidding myself in my last i was massively grotty and irritated with myself) i was more than aware that there were people ttc around me and i was so trying to keep my mouth shut to spare there feelings my close friend told me not to worry she knew she would never get pregnant naturally she was upset i was upset about her not being able to have children and i got pregnant by mistake it was a massively guilty time for both of us trying not to upset each other she adopted a baby shortly after i had mine

In defence i suppose pregnancy is a massively selfish time for mums to be if something goes wrong you get the blame if something goes right dad shares the credit

I really hope your time comes soon

What I believe you mean OP is that you'd give anything to be a mother, to be the parent of a baby/child of your own. Being pregnant is the means to an end - that end.

I endure pregnancy with 9 months of HG & bone aching tiredness topped by the agonising pelvic pain every step I take. But I know that's what I have to do to be a mother. I never complained to my friend in my first pregnancy because she was going through fertility treatment but she could see how much I was suffering. Ironically when she became pregnant with twins she sailed through her pregnancy even though she was at far higher risk of all of the ailments I experienced. I feel for people who are trying so hard to become pregnant but I would say my cross to bear is a horrendous pregnancy experience which leaves me in tears almost every day wondering how I'll get through the next 24 hours. Some people get pregnant easily, sail through pregnancy then are faced with post birth issues either with them or the baby. I think we all share some difficulties when trying to be mothers and each person faces those challenges in their own way. I wish you all the very best

Wait until you actually get pregnant which i hope you do because then you will realise how absolutely awful it can be! it took me 15months to get pregnant but now i am im utterly miserable and ill tell you why. Im 13 weeks & ive been unable to work for the last 6 costing me a fortune as im self employed. I cant tell anyone including my teenager until i get test results for abnormalities because im 41 & high risk which is really stressful. I cant sleep i cant eat properly ive lost a stone in weight ive never been so exhausted im my life. Also ive had flu & now a cold & an eye infection due to lower immunity but ive taken no medication just in case its bad for the baby. Im crying all the time its not a good its a very difficult time for me at least.
Dont tell me i cant moan about it as well!!
p.s what if you feel like this soon & want to moan to your friends?

It’s a 3 and a half year old thread mate, calm down.

@Luckystar82 don't want to burst your bubble but I felt great until your stage, then I damaged my sacroiliac joint and my sciatic nerve I couldn't get up off the toilet without help and ended up on crutches barely able to walk without excruciating pain, developed gestational diabetes, got terrible advice from a consultant that led to carbohydrate starvation, dizziness and fainting and am now high risk of pre-eclampsia. I thought I was going to sail through, then bam everything at once. Fingers crossed for you, genuinely.

OP I have PCOS and I am eternally grateful for this pregnancy but medically it really has not been easy. You have the right to feel upset about your situation but they have the right to feel upset about theirs. It's like you see on here sometimes people complain about an abusive parent and someone pipes up with 'my parents died you should get over it', it's not a competition. I really hope things change for you and I hope you have a lovely easy pregnancy at some stage, but if you don't it's ok not to be thrilled to be called to the hospital twice a week, used as a pin cushion left waiting for hours on end, only for medical staff not to tell you what's going on, it doesn't feel ok to be housebound, to not be able to do simple day to day tasks because you can't stand up without the room spinning and various other issues.

Oh FFS zombie thread!!

With respect YABVU. Not moaning about something giving you great pain or discomfort because other people don't have it - the world doesn't work that way. If you had a sore foot you wouldn't think of people with no legs before you moaned

OP YANBU

I understand where you are coming from, having experienced miscarriage in the past.

Pregnancy can be uncomfortable, you can feel unwell etc but I think some women do go over the top complaining about it and reaping the benefits of being pregnant and everyone bending over backwards for them (work colleague of mine).

Sorry to hear what you have been through, my fingers are crossed you get your BFP very soon

ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD

whaaaaat! this thread was last posted on in May 2015

ZOMBIE alert!

YANBU.

Already been told I'm out of order for not being happy and celebrating for a friend who have birth recently.

I assume you sent a card or a gift, and said congratulations? That's plenty, with what you're going through.

I think people don't necessarily understand it isn't just a one-off for you, it is over and over and over and over again.

It's like expecting a homeless person to watch your Christmas, birthdays and even just the ordinary days without appearing to be upset, and to top it off, expecting them to Be Happy For You!

If your friend wants that amount of celebration from you, despite it being so hard, she ought to be devastated for you in return and very supportive indeed.

Of course you are happy for her but you are sad about your own situation and she shouldn't take it personally.

Any zombies reading this, I stand by what I said 😀 zombie 🧟‍♀️

Yabvu.

Pregnancy can make you feel terrible. I take it you've never moaned bout being tired after a bad night's sleep? About feeling sick? Having headache, heartburn, cramp, etc? Well, feeling like all of those things constantly for nine months can really take its toll mentally and physically. Why shouldn't women be allowed to be honest about how they are feeling? What else are we supposed to put up and shut up about? Periods? Childbirth? Birth injuries? PND?

A lot of people struggle when they are pregnant to reconcile the way they are 'supposed' to feel when pregnant v the reality already.

How shit you feel during pregnancy has zero to do with how much you appreciate having a baby. Totally possible to be totally grateful to be having a baby while agreeing that the process of having one is completely shite.

Silencing pregnant women and forcing them to pretend it's all sunshine and roses won't change your situation one bit I'm afraid.

I'm sorry you are having fertility issues and I can understand why you feel angry listening to pregnant women moan but you are still bu.

How do threads like this get commented on after 3 years?!!!

yanbu, been ttc for 4 years with 2 mc, i hate seeing people complaining about this also, friends that do this while knowing my struggles, people on ttc pages on facebook contemplating abortion because theyve just found out their having a baby girl and not a boy, but they did the boy sway perfectly etc etc, literally makes me so angry and upset

baby dust to you op