AIBU to wish people would stop moaning about being pregnant!

[SomedayMummy]

"I am so uncomfortable"
"I want my body back"
"I'm so fat"
"I can't sleep"
Repeat.

We have been trying for years. I would give ANYTHING to be pregnant. It's nine months of discomfort (unless you have HG or other problems, I get that must be horrendous) you are growing a person, it is a beautiful gift. Something that some people pray day and night to be able to experience.

Stop fucking moaning!

Nb. This is aimed at friends who know our circumstances yet continue with their moaning about how awful it is to be fertile.

I agree with you, took us many years and ivf to concieve and it used to annoy the hell out of me when people did. Some people really don't know how lucky they are, it might be tiring but it's more than worth it.
Sending you hugs. I hope you get your happy ending soon xxx

I'm so sorry for what you're going through, but YABU.

I had four MC's before falling pregnant this time. It has taken us a long, long time to get to this stage and at 39 weeks I'm really struggling. I am in pain, I cant walk, I can't remember the last time I slept and my previous losses mean I haven't relaxed at all this pregnancy. I have had to take hormones which made me so horrible it almost ruined my marriage and I was being treated for anxiety at one stage. I spent the first 20 weeks being sick, and the last 19 with heartburn so severe I can't eat properly.

I am thankful every single day to be pregnant and I cannot wait to meet my baby, but I have not enjoyed this pregnancy at all. And I'm human, so I have had a moan about it occasionally and I have been honest when asked how I'm feeling.

Just because someone is pregnant, doesn't mean they had an easy time getting there and unless we know everyone's circumstance we shouldn't judge.

Someday, I do understand how you feel. We were ttc for years and finally got a pregnancy that stuck on our 4th round of ivf. It was a very dark period of my life. I found other people's pregnancies difficult.

However, pregnancy is tough for many people. I had a relatively easy time but still had times when I couldn't move off the sofa for nausea and later was breathless from the baby squashing my lungs. I felt I could never complain as I was so grateful to finally be having a baby but pregnancy was just a (somewhat unpleasant) meAns to an end but as just something I had to endure to get the result I wanted. Taking years to conceive did not make it easy.

I hope you get one that sticks soon OZp.

why do some people who have had years of unsuccessful ttc who eventually become pg seem to forget overnight how hard it was emotionally as some of them suddenly have no compasion for those still ttc? i divorced my bf who i (still do) loved and was so close to because of this. won't go into it as too long. obviously people who are pg have troubles and yes, of course they need to talk about them BUT why the fuck do they expect that someone going through fertility issues should have to listen, talk to other people about them. anyone who thinks otherwise, in my opinion isn't worthy of having as a friend and is definately better off without them. really pisses me off how self absorbed some people are. when i was pg (as i do have one dd) i didn't need to be told as i used my brain, that when i had health issues with pregnancy that i didn't moan about it around people that were without children but who wanted them

Fuck me, if someone had told me pregnancy was a "beautiful gift" when I vomited every day for 8 months (pissing myself when I vomited in the late stages! Nice) and was crippled with sciatica and SPD, I would have punched them, seriously.

I feel for you OP but compassion is not a finite resource, you are being very unreasonable. A tough pregnancy is the pits.

I do really appreciate how it must feel when you want something so bad, yet others who get it a lot easier moan constant about it.
But they are entitled to feel the way they do, I had a mc after trying for a long time after my first and a lady who was trying as well said 'you have one, so you should be greatfull'

For me, being able to moan a little about pregnancy was part of enjoying my pregnancy and being able to have a normal experience (as normal as it can be when you are terrified of losing another baby and your last and only chance of having a take home baby being lost). That said, everyone around me knew my experience and by then I knew who had been/was struggling with infertility, so I knew who not to moan to.

But Happilymarried don't you see that for some people it's more than just 'tiring'? I have fainted multiple times due to exhaustion (haven't slept more than 2 hours in 24 for 8 months) and I can't look after my daughter properly in case I faint while she's in my care?

I really feel for you, I won't pretend to imagine how you feel, but I will just add that at 33 weeks pregnant with DC3, I have spent most of this time treading eggshells at work, never discussing my pregnancy at all, which has been made all the more difficult with some health concerns we have for our baby. This is down to a lovely lady I work with, who for the second time in three years, miscarried a multiple pregnancy at Christmas. Her fertility issues lie with her husband, who refuses to have tests. I feel terrible for her, but it has left her very angry and bitter with everyone and she has told me on numerous occasions she won't talk to me because she can't bear to look at me. Is that fair?!

So I don't talk or complain at work about the 5 hour commute i do daily that is such a struggle, I don't complain or wince in pain. I do this to protect her feelings, whilst it has left me not enjoying this pregnancy as much as I should or could, but yes of course I feel lucky and grateful.

How amazing must a pregnancy be thats 'tiring' think I'd have coped with being tired.

You wouldn't have heard me moaning as I could barely leave the house or hospital I bounced between the two and I'm not on FB. I became a recluse for most of it. Luckily close friends were supportive.

YABU, but understandably so.

I think possibly starting this thread wasn't the best idea, as the vehemence with which some people will disagree with you, is only going to make you feel even worse.

Maybe hide, if that's the case.

I'm sorry that this is causing you pain, but I'd also ask for a bit of understanding from you towards women who are finding pregnancy difficult. I was really looking forward to being pregnant, but was iller than I've ever been in my life, for a very long time, on multiple axis, and absolutely hated the whole experience. My experience isn't unusual. It is a gift and a blessing to be able to grow another human being inside yourself, but it's also something that can wreck your body and distress your mind. Both can be true at the same time.

I hope you get to experience all this for yourself, and I hope, when that happens, you don't put yourself under too much pressure to act like it's an unalloyed positive experience all the time, however magical the outcome.

I do think your friends are being insensitive if they moan to you when they know about your fertility problems. Some people are horribly lacking in tact.

The slightly similar thing for me is bereavement. I lost my mother 30 years ago. Even now I find it painful when I'm with a group of friends moaning about their mothers, and I really want to yell, Well, at least you've got a mother. Of course in one way I'm being unreasonable - we all moan about people close to us - but at the same time I sometimes wish people would think before they speak.

Close friends should know better but I find it a dangerous suggestion that pregnant women should have to worry about talking about their feelings with the dangers of PND.

Sorry, but in this case I think you BU. Having been on both sides of the issue, I have spent years reminding myself that other people's fertility does not impact on my own.

Trouble with TTC, MCs and all the heartache that comes with it does not mean others do not have their own issues to deal with when they are pregnant.

It is very insensitive of your friends continually continue to talk about it and complain when they know what is happening to you but there can't be the expectation that they won't discuss it at all just because you are around - it's probably the biggest thing happening in their life right now. I wouldn't have wanted to have my friends feel like they can't talk about it either, that would feel like pity and put a wedge between our friendship. They should be willing to listen to you vent as well.

YANBU OP I have been there myself and I know how gut wrenching it is listening to it all. I do appreciate that pregnancy can be very difficult and can make some people very ill. I'm sure the OP would have compassion for any friends going through that as I certainly did when I was ttc for 5 years, undergoing IVF and suffering after a miscarriage. I have also encountered lots of pregnant friends who moan non stop through low risk uneventful pregnancies. That is totally insensitive in my opinion.

I really struggled when a close friend of mine got pregnant unexpectedly after I miscarried. I was happy for her as even though it was unplanned it was a much wanted baby. However she become completely obsessed with her pregnancy, it was all she could talk about and was updating Facebook about 3 times a day. Sending bump shots by text! Somehow we didn't fall out but our relationship was definitely strained towards the end of her pregnancy. Thankfully a couple of months after baby was born she went back to normal and our friendship has survived!

I'm 34 weeks pregnant now after IVF and can understand how all consuming pregnancy is. That said I have made a lot of friends on my long journey who are still ttc. I make sure I don't moan about my spd or insomnia and only talk about baby if they ask.

I really hope you got there soon OP and everyone else whose posted about infertility. It is the worst. It made me so bitter and sad. I still haven't really recovered from it now, which in a way I'm glad about as I don't ever want to forget how it feels so I can be supportive to friends going through similar problems

OP- I think YADNBU. Knowing 2 friends who having been TTC for 3 years (1 now preg!) and struggling with this like you, I never once took my pregnancy for granted or allowed myself to wallow or moan (excessively/publically). If I was craggy, I d save this for my DH. Its 10 months to endure max for the most amazing gain at the end of it, that other women would kill for. Women TTC for ages like OP are experiencing emotional turmoil and if trying IVF etc. too, also physical agony, without having this certain prize at the end of it. Friends who love posting on FB how exhausted/drained/frustrated they are during pregnancy do my head in tbh. Suck it up, it was your choice, it’s for a very short time and you get a fab pressie at the end.

It's very difficult. 3 of my v close friends struggled with my last pregnancy as they were all going through their own issues (infertility, hysterectomy, divorce after years of ttc) meaning they were facing a life without biological children as I was dealing with an unplanned and - at that point- unwelcome surprise. I also had a colleague with her own background and issues around fertility and pregnancy that along with the fact I was very new into a job meant I 'hid' the pregnancy as much as possible. This really did take its toll on the way I was mentally prepared for birth (I was in denial). I also suffered horrendous sickness pretty much the whole way through and spd. I found that I turned to dh for support though - I felt awfully guilty and actually thought I'd lose one of my friends who was really struggling, but since dd was born she's been fantastic and we have openly discussed how I felt guilty to experience what she couldn't, another r of my friends openly told me that she felt sympathy for me despite her situation and we cried on each other. So I think if your friends are being insensitive that's really difficult - but maybe they don't know how else to approach it and don't want to not mention the pregnancy for fear of excluding you, or it hasn't occurred how hurtful it is for you to hear they're struggling. Either way I'm sorry it's difficult and wish you all the best with ttc.

YANBU. DH and I suffered through 4 mc including 3 ERPC as 3 were missed mc and it was torture. At the same time the whole world seemed to be pregnant and it was really hard to listening to the moaning.

Finally had a successful pg and it was bloody hard. Injections and pessaries daily for 13 weeks, non-stop vomiting from week 6 to week 24, then came heartburn and swelling and finished off with a prem baby in SCBU for 16 days and preeclampsia for me! I wouldn't wish that on anyone either but I know which scenario was worse so completely understand where you're coming from. I think people sometimes just forget about the impact they can have on others.

I hope you get a happy ending soon.

wow some people are so insensitive. when i was pregnant i managed to avoid moaning to friends of mine who were struggling to get pregnant and instead moaned to other people. Its not hard.

YANBU, how stunningly insensitive of your friends to moan to you when they know your set up.

Pregnancy can be tough, even when you have longed for it for ages and been through a lot to get there. Totally acceptable to moan to your husband and friends but not to someone who would give their right arm to be in your situation. Especially the 'I want my body back' variety which is what? being upset you are getting a bit fat as opposed to any genuine health complaints? Goodness, how obsessed and self entitled.

Hugs to you and I would try and hang out with less self obsessed friends whilst you are in a vulnerable position. I am hoping it happens for you soon.

I don't think they are being unreasonable to moan.
I do think they are being unreasonable to moan to you.

OP. I hope your situation changes soon, and I don't just mean the moany friends.

I think if people know you are struggling with fertility issues and still moan to you about their pregnancy woes they are arses of the highest order. Is this Facebook moaning you are talking about though? That is much less targeted and they are probably just not thinking of you. Which makes them a tiny bit thoughtless, but not arses. My sympathies though - it must be very painful to hear.

I am pregnant after quite a long time TTC, and I don't even mention the pregnancy to those friends who are struggling to conceive! I always wait for them to bring it up, if they want to. How insensitive