to have booked this restaurant?

[BunnyLebowski]

We have a favourite local restaurant that we don't get to go to very often. We took my parents last time they visited us and while my Dad really loved it, my mum didn't. The reason? Because it is sharing plates (bigger than tapas, not Spanish and we always order enough to feed 5000) and the food comes as it's ready. She wanted traditional starter + main.

They're over again in a few weeks and my DB and DSIL are visiting too. I've told DB lots about said restaurant, we're both foodies and he was keen to try so I've booked it again knowing my DM won't be happy (it's also very child friendly and we'll have 3 between us).

Context: my mother has an almost impressive history of ruining meals and occasions with her stinginess and passive aggressive strops when things don't go 100% her way. A few years ago she had too much to drink and made a big show of refusing to pay for a family meal that my poor Dad had wanted to treat us all too (they're very well off).

Anyway I booked the restaurant today. AIBU?

Why go anywhere if you don't like your Mum's restaurant behaviour (she does sound a bit of a nightmare) Stay at home and go to the chippy.

YANBU OP.

It's All well and good saying pick somewhere that everyone likes but the reality is that it's only your mum that is being awkward and I'd you go somewhere else means that her fussiness has allowed her to get her way and everyone else has missed out.

It's not fair that none gets to go anywhere interesting because one person will only ever go to a boring place. She sounds like she would be good company for Gareth if anyone remembers him?

Will you actually enjoy the meal or just be on edge waiting for her to kick-off?

Could you say to her before you go "I know you don't like eating out at the restaurant but we do. If you don't wish to join us that's fine, we understand. If you do wish to join us do so with a happy attitude and enjoy it."

YABU. By booking somewhere you know she'll hate you can guarantee she'll be upset and ruin the occasion.

I'd definitely tell her. And see if there's anything on the menu that she can have just for her that you could make into a more traditional starter main type food.

I know exactly where you are coming from, Bunny.

MIL is never pleased with any arrangements we make, whatever they are. We used to try to do nice things that she would like, but over the years I have realised, (and have finally been able to convince DH) that there is no point. Do what you like. She won't be happy either way.

You are setting her up to complain, hate it, be stroppy and therefore "ruin" the night out.

You are doing this actively, so don't you dare bitch afterwards to your db/DP/friends/here about her behaviour, you are trying to make her kick off.

She doesn't like this restaurant, you know it won't be a nice evening, so your db won't get to enjoy it (unless he also enjoys winding your mum up).

Or you could go somewhere else, have a pleasant evening, go to the place you like with your db and SIL alone another time, not spend the evening having a family argument. This seems like a waste of money, you know it won't be nice.

We all play roles in families, your mum is the "hard work" one. Are you the "stirrer"?

You are setting her up to fail. You are trying to win some petty point that you are somehow more cultured (you and your db are "foodies", she's small minded and mean).

Book somewhere else unless you like creating drama, or go without your parents, why have a big "family get together" that's actually a pre-arranged family row?

I wouldn't got there. I am not saying don't ever take them again. But as reasonable adults if, we were all going out and dad liked somewhere and mum didn't, they would still go but only occasionally, like maybe dads birthday or something. But I would insist we all ate there everytime we get together.

I think you are trying to prove a point and was hoping everyone here would agree with you, why else start a thread when you are convinced you are right.

You seem quite upset that she doesn't like your favourite restaurant.

I like my parents so I only book restaurants I think they'd enjoy. It sounds like you're trying to punish her for being a pain in the arse.

Sorry, I think Yabu.

I'd be annoyed if someone booked a place I'd said I didn't like. I'm not keen on sharing plates either. When you say you order for the 5000 do you mean you order for everyone? Are you paying?

Take her to another restaurant thats more tradition with starter, main and desert as it sounds like she cant cope with this one and has others had said you lining her up to fail or get very upset.

Yanbu. Everyone in the group except dm wants to go. Your df loved it. It would be rude to take your vegan mum to a steakhouse. It is not rude to take her somewhere she complained about if complaining is the inevitable outcome anyway. I am pleased that so many posters have mums that they would never do this to. OP has a different mum. I sympathise.

Actually I think it is as simple as that. If you start getting into behaving differently to one person than you would with everyone else then you start game playing, pandering, goading, etc. with difficult people I continue to act the way I would with a reasonable one. You then are not setting up a situation where they kick off, you can easily defend your position and you give them the opportunity to not be a dick.

If this person was reasonable and said they didn't like a restaurant would you still book it? If no then I think Yabu. I do get the dynamic and I know it's hard to deal with. But I don't think this is the way.

Yabu, yes your dm sounds like a right pita but you are deliberately goading her by picking this restaurant.
You say you want to have a nice meal but you are guaranteeing it will be a fraught difficult evening for everyone just for you to score points. Take your DB and leave your mum at home or go elsewhere. Your poor DB, DF and rest of family would prefer a meal free of tension. It's not pandering to your mum to not create a miserable evening for everyone else.

Simple solution get her to stay at home and babysit the kids!

God, YABU. Basically making a point and not concerned about the fall out for other people (your dad, your sister-in-law for example).

You really need to get over yourself. Most people don't have perfect parents, it sounds as though you fall into that category. Congratulations. Now grow up.

YABU - find the middle ground, choose a compromise restaurant and don't make this into something it's not. This is supposed to be a nice meal out somewhere for you all to enjoy - not The Defining Moment Where Bunny Socks It To Mum. Have that conversation another, more appropriate time.

YANBU. She'll be awkward wherever you go. May as well go somewhere the rest of you will enjoy.

By the way- would she suggest somewhere suitable if you asked, or is she the sort that never arranges something herself but moans at anything anyone else comes up with?

Ugh I hate the whole sharing plate thing too. I'm with your DM, I don't what a load of bits and pieces served in a random order, I want a normal balanced plate of food.

That aside, you really are setting her up to fail aren't you, basically picking somewhere you know she will hate, ready to jump on how unreasonable she is when she complains. If you actually want to have a nice evening with your family pick somewhere neutral. If you want to show her up and score points, pick somewhere she hates.

Like I said Worra, she has extensive history of being mean and unpleasant. I am sick of it and want to have a nice meal with my DP, my dad and my brother.

You can book whatever restaurant you like, but you aren't going to get a nice meal with your dad and brother given you've booked one you know your mother doesn't like.

I don't think YABU.

It sounds like she will complain/spoil whatever you choose, so go with what the majority would like.
Good luck!

I don't YABU. If she didn't like the food that would be a different matter but enjoying the food and just picking on the fact it's sharing plates is ridiculous. I couldn't indulge this behaviour either.