To be worried about these children based on a small window into their life?

[Itsmethechubbyfunster1]

To start, I know I'm being a tad UR. My judgeypants are so far up my own backside they are coming out of my mouth.

DP and I went out for breakfast today. Opposite us was a family with two small children aged maybe 1ish and 2ish.
They were both filthy. No coats, no socks (not warm today and was drizzling outside) the little girls hair looked like it hadn't been brushed for days.
Both parents were eating, kids had nothing. Swigging coke out of baby bottles.

Neither parent said a single word to either child until the older one started banging her head against her high hair repeatedly and mum told her to 'shut up being annoying'. That was the only exchange the whole time.

I have a toddler, I know it's tiring, I know sometimes you forget the coat, I know they get dirty, I know they smear food in their hair and they can go from pristine to child protection messy in 0.2 seconds but it just felt like too many variables and I was left feeling very uneasy and I'm still thinking about those two babies now.

Worra,

Sorry? Of course she can report them and they will very likely be known to Social services already.

You ring the NSPCC and they take details and then they try and find CCTV if there has been a concerning incident (possibly not for dietary situations, but where there is a physical assault etc)

The point of the thread is for the OP to have acknowledgment that what she witnessed was not good, and that her reaction to it was justified. I imagine it is anyway.

Promoting information that is incorrect and deters people from reporting incidents is bloody unhelpful IMO. As in, she can't report them if she doesn't even know them.

What about this thread really bothers you?

There was nothing that the OP could have done in this instance. But the replies have been leaning towards the 'you're wrong' direction & I'm not so sure she was. On the Relationships board would you ever see somebody say no you're instincts were wrong? Of course not.

I think the point of the thread is often to erasure an op that actually there wasn't anything they could do. It's to make the op feel better - which is not a criticism.
Op, yes everyone has a bad day but sometimes you do get that gut feeling it's more. It's awful when you can't do anything and you are left with that uneasy feeling afterwards. Let's hope if it is an ongoing thing there are others closer to the family who see it who are able to help and who do so.

I'm not sure what I was trying to achieve.
Sometimes it helps to mull it over with other people.

There's no law against coke in a bottle.

There are laws about neglect though. Bare feet, no coat, no interaction that has potentially lead to developmental delay (no speech) - indicators of potential neglect. Not necessarily, of course. As I said, just a small window but the culmination of all the above made me uneasy.

I'm well aware that starting a thread won't change the outcome for the children but it will either reassure me that I was just being overly judgemental and all was fine or reinforce my feelings that it was not normal.

Oh pull the other one Yorkie

"Hello NSPCC? I saw a family at breakfast whose kids were dirty, even though I fully understand that kids can get dirty very quickly. The parents were eating but the kids weren't...even though I agree that my kids would want to eat as soon as they got up. They weren't dressed for the weather even though I agree they might have had a car outside. The kids were quiet, no babbling at all...yes that's right NO BABBLING!! They were drinking coke and when one of them banged their heads on the highchair, they were told to stop."

"Know them? I'm sorry no I don't. Seen them before? I'm sorry no I haven't. Get their names? Sorry no I didn't? Car registration? Oh no I didn't".

"Hello? Hello? HELLO???"....

how strange that you didnt mention the burger and chips etc in the op

id forget about it op, something tells me those kids are actually fine

Well I disagree about the 'ooh look at these people'.

I think that's exactly what it is, but wrapped up in 'concern'.

What the fuck does burger and chips at 9am have to do with anything?

Still that's just my opinion. I've stated it now so I'll bow out.

It genuinely wasn't meant as a 'ooh look at these people' I genuinely came out feeling worried about the toddlers.

I am not the sort to judge fruit shoots and Pom bears.

You are right, the comment about the burger was not relevant at all.

I did think having a full blown meal with dessert so early was an odd choice but I really only mentioned it to lighten things (myself really) up a bit.

I wasn't so much the lack of food. It was the culmination of all those things together, the blank look on the kids faces, the head banging, the silence... What toddler do you know that doesn't make a sound?? Not even a babble? And is it not normal to chatter or at least say some things to your children

My almost 2 year old rarely utters a sound,she's none verbal no babble no nothing occasionally she will scream. She head bangs. Yesterday I did not utter a word as every sound I make currently feels like someone's stabbing me in the lungs and has no connection to the sound I'm trying to make.

the only thing i find troubling and extremely unusual is the cafe served burger and chips at that time

You saw what you saw op
It sounds a horrible scene.
Posting here won't really help, as the default response is that you are judging.
In your opening post you bent over backwards to explain, you weren't judging/a snap shot etc...
So you'll have to let it go, as you have no idea who they are.
And of course what you described sounds off.

A horrible scene?

Get a grip

needs
Op's explanation of what she saw, does sound horrible.
You think that sounds like a normal trip out?

I think yabu to think this is judgey.

You had a horrible inkling that something just wasnt right . Let's all just hope you were wrong.

I don't think that OP is being unreasonable to be concerned about these children. There are things she describe that do seem, when taken together, to possibly indicate problems. On the other hand, everything may be perfectly fine. Impossible to know from such a quick snapshot.

However, I would never accuse anyone concerned about a child of being unreasonable. And people not reporting their concerns have led too to many children living miserable lives or even dying. (Not that I am suggesting that anyone report something on the basis of one incident.)

OP: I hope either that you were wrong or that social services are already aware of this family and that the problems will be addressed.

No horrible is children being beaten.snarled at that sort of thing.

What it sounds like is possible disorganisation, and a knackered set of parents making different parenting choices.

Some families don't have an issue with coke and many actively seek silent meal times often they consider it to be good manners.

Abuse isn't just physical. Neglect is pretty horrible too.

needs what absolute rubbish!
I hope you didn't type that out with a straight face?
My favourite bit: "many actively seek silent meal times"

Yeah, so they can eat their burgers and chips first thing

How is that not horrible? Filthy toddler and baby drinking coke from bottles not being spoken to.

Do you know what op? Sometimes it is right to judge. Ok, you can't do anything about it now but I understand your need to share your concern here.

Neglect. Very sad I would have felt the same op.

Children being beaten and snarled at is, of course, horrible.

That doesn't mean that anything lesser is fine. Ignoring your small children for significant periods of time (including a whole meal) is horrible too.

I don't know what you could have done, though, OP.

I said it was horrible (word originally used upthread), not neglect. It's not very nice for the child, is it?