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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask this reception teacher to back down?

374 replies

kathryng90 · 07/05/2015 20:46

My son will be 5 in June. He is in reception. They are having a teddy bear picnic tomorrow. Text message yesterday warning parents 'bring your child's favourite bear to school'. My son loves his build a bear toothless dragon bear. He told his reception teacher how excited he was to bring this toy to school. He was sobbing as he came out of school and teacher said to me 'DS is sad as he has said he wants to bring toothless to school tomorrow. He can't. It's a teddy bear picnic not a dragon picnic. Our theme is goldilocks and the 3 bears not 3 dragons. Find a bear'

He is so upset, toothless is his favourite bear. I have suggested that we take toothless plus a teddy bear. AIBU to ask teacher to let toothless sit on desk and watch while bear joins in? Or am I undermining teacher? Another compromise? He's 4 ffs.....

OP posts:
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rebelfor · 08/05/2015 09:02

I think it's a little mean when they're only 4.
My daughter has a collection of Build-a-Bear (monkey, cat, panda, reindeer...) and not one is a classic teddy.
I certainly wouldn't be finishing work and trawling shops looking for a teddy bear for her to take in for one day.

ohtheholidays · 08/05/2015 09:03

I've been a teacher,of course he should be able to take Toothless in bless him!

That teacher needs to learn to bend a bit, with teaching children that young that should be one of the first things she was taught about teaching.

The schools I've worked in have all had Teddy Bears picnics and none of the teachers or myself ever refused what ever cuddly toy a child has wanted to bring in.

SirChenjin · 08/05/2015 09:04

Presumably their boss won't be insisting on stuffed bears not dragons.

I would be more concerned with the teacher encouraging them to lie - bring in your favourite bear even if it's not actually your favourite and you've just gone out and bought one. Not a great message in morality imo - lie, and then throw money at a situation in order to solve the problem.

Floggingmolly · 08/05/2015 09:11

It never had to be a bear at our school... We've sent in everything from dinosaurs to elephants, none of which never raised an eyebrow Confused
I don't think dd even had a bear, she must have had upwards of 200 stuffed toys but there wasn't a single actual bear amongst them.

ApocalypseThen · 08/05/2015 09:15

Presumably their boss won't be insisting on stuffed bears not dragons.

The point is, there'll always be something that doesn't suit the princey. Teaching him now that either doing what he wants anyway or getting the day off so he can avoid a rule he doesn't care for isn't helpful in the long run.

IamGrimalkin · 08/05/2015 09:24

The little boy is four! I'm all for teaching children that they can't always have what want but he's four years old.

Yanbu op!

fiveacres · 08/05/2015 09:29

He's practically five but four or five is PLENTY old enough to understand 'no.'

making children feel they are to be indulged constantly is very, very harmful. The point here is not the bear but the fact that you are teaching a child that by crying and making a noise and a fuss you will get the results you wish and all will be okay - that's not a positive at all.

Redhead11 · 08/05/2015 09:37

As a former Master Bear Builder at BABW, i can tell you quite categorically that dragons are not bears, even at BABW! They sell mostly bears, but cats, dogs, the odd horse, dragons, pandas, fenwick foxes have all made appearances, and none of them are bears. Suck it up and get a bear! Toothless is a dragon and that's the end of the conversation. i think it is pathetic the way someone people have to have their own way, come hell or high water.

rebelfor · 08/05/2015 09:51

Suck it up and get a bear!

And how does somebody on a low income do that? Or a parent who can't be bothered? Or parents who work and can't get to a shop?

There are only supposed to be three bears anyway, if the theme is Goldilocks.

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 08/05/2015 09:53

I think it's fairly worrying that so many posters feel it's unacceptable to say no to a 4 year old!

And they feel a 4 year old is unable to understand rules and instructions.

They really can you know if handled sensibly kindly and firmly.

I have worked In early years for years.

4 year olds are generally as sensible as their parents.

Being a good role model is everything. Maybe the teacher is being a tad picky but to oppose this and make a huge deal of it is, in my opinion ridiculous parenting.

MistressDeeCee · 08/05/2015 09:54

I feel sorry for teachersConfused

If simply arranging a teddy bear's picnic asking children to bring in a TEDDY BEAR sparks some kind of mass revolt then Im not surprised they're leaving education in their droves..I couldn't be asked to put up with it all. Rather than simply buy a bloody teddy bear, drama llamas start kicking up a huge boring pointscoring fuss.

Probably the type when there's a school easter bonnet competition, spend days beforehand creating an elaborate, towering concoction of a bonnet...and then whinge when the child who clearly made their own (simple) bonnet, wins the competition.

The next time there's a Teddy Bear theme at DGS school Im going to bring in a stuffed dinosaur then stand there lecturing the teacher re.why there shouldn't be any theme thank you , and why couldn't it be "Generic Stuffed Toy" day. See how long it takes before she rolls her eyes or gives me the non-verbal "oh do fuck off you over-precious mare" look

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 08/05/2015 09:57

You can buy. Bear for 50p at a charity shop. Don't be a drama larma.

rebelfor · 08/05/2015 10:03

To be honest, I'm going off the basis that the text message was received the day before.
If told days in advance, yes, I'd buy a teddy bear, ready for the picnic.
If I was at work and received the message that one was needed for the next day, I wouldn't be rushing about like a blue arsed fly trying to acquire a teddy bear, no.
And my daughter's school do let us know in advance if anything is needed, I'm pretty surprised OP was only informed the day before.

BigBoobiedBertha · 08/05/2015 10:04

Surely the point of a Teddy Bear's picnic is that you share a picnic with the toy and the only thing said toy needs is a face to feed. It doesn't really matter what shape the face is, does it!?

bobajob · 08/05/2015 10:07

I'm sure anyone who doesn't have a bear could just tell the teacher and she'll provide one.

londonrach · 08/05/2015 10:07

Really dont understand this. My dsi dd fav cuddly is a pig (famous one with a brother called george). If its a bear thats needed the pig wouldnt go. its a teddy bear picnic and you take a bear. If you have no bear the charity shop sells them for very little ot borrow one. A child of 4 will understand. Tbh isnt toothless safer at home than at a picnic with teddy bears!

Shakey1500 · 08/05/2015 10:13

Brilliantly amusing thread Grin

I'm loving catgirls Fuck you bear

I'm dangling my legs over the fence.

AnnPerkins · 08/05/2015 10:29

What kind of early years teacher sends a 4 year old home crying his eyes out rather than allowing a little flexibility in what is presumably supposed to be a FUN activity? Surely she's met 4 year olds before and understands how emotionally attached they can be to their cuddly toys?

I'm so grateful for the common sense DS's school displays. They had a teddy bear's picnic when he was in Reception last year. If I remember rightly the letter home said 'Please bring a bear, or any cuddly toy, but not your child's favourite, in case it gets lost.'

Whatisaweekend · 08/05/2015 10:31

It will be interesting to see how many bears are brought in v. other species. I am willing to bet that there will be quite a lot of children who have not mentioned anything to the teacher who will be rocking up with their favourite toy which will not be a bear. If this teacher gets so annoyed and pedantic over this then she will be positively frothing when she realises that she has bunnies, dolls etc sat around for tea. (Also: why cant teddy bears invite other species as their guests?). The teacher needs to learn a little bit more flixibility for 4 year olds.

meissen · 08/05/2015 11:10

Personally I'm hoping that the teacher is an MNer and is reading this thread. She might be comforted to know that not all parents seek to undermine teachers for such petty reasons and she might benefit by knowing in advance what the OP plans to do so she can have the keys to the storage cupboard to hand.

SirChenjin · 08/05/2015 11:18

How can the child's favourite bear come from the store cupboard? You mean, the favourite bit is actually irrelevant - what she actually means is 'I insist on bears only at my tea party'

TheMagnificientFour · 08/05/2015 11:25

The thing is meissen I'm all for supporting the teacher. I have done so many times when I thought that the teacher was wrong. Interestingly these are the same teachers my dcs are now saying were crap anyway....

I can see WHY the teacher is saying 'bring a BEAR' because there is a thread in her lesson, she has talked about a specific story etc... And in that particular instance, it makes sense to bring a bear to school rather than any other animal.
BUT in that case, you don't tell children (and the parents) to bring their favourite bear.
You also make it extremely clear to the children in class that you are talking about a bear, not any other soft toys. You make it very clear to the parents too because the 'Have a picnic with your bear' is seen by most parents and children as 'Have a picnic with a soft toy', not always that specific animal (Just see the experiences from the PP on this thread for example).

If that was my dc, I would have conforted him, explained to him why he can't take his dragon etc...
And I still would have thought that the teacher didn't handle the situation well at all and it was HER who made a mistake.

TheMagnificientFour · 08/05/2015 11:29

Sir I'm really pretty sure that the teacher will have to face lots of non bear soft toys at this 'Bring a bear picnic'.

Reading the text from the teacher, what came to my mind is that she is expecting children to have several bears at home and so to bring the one they prefer. Which is a lot of assumptions in my opinion.

There is also the fact that you don't normally ask a young child to bring their fav bear/cuddly toy anyway 'just in case'. Can you imagine the distress if said toy is getting lost or damaged?

Bodyinpyjamas10 · 08/05/2015 11:30

Scenario 1

Mummy teacher says I have to bring in a bear tomorrow and I don't want to I want to take in dragon.

Well love if teacher says it's got to be a bear then you can't take dragon. Anyway he could get lost so he's too special up take in.

Now let's go home and you choose a bear to take or let's go pick one up from the charity shop for 50p.

Now what do you want for tea?

Scenario 2

Sad face daily mail.

Ffs!

Cockbollocks · 08/05/2015 11:31

I would just tell her that Toothless is his favourite cuddly toy and that is what he will be bringing - the end.

Seems a bit bloody ridiculous.