To have sided with DD over DH?

[IsabellaofFrance]

A Cold War has erupted in our house. I know that I am probably VU, but I still think I did the right thing, so I am prepared to be told otherwise.

DD is 6 and has long, curly, unruly (and quite annoying!) hair. DH has always been really funny and has not allowed her to cut it before, only tiny trims to her fringe and the ends, therefore it is was at almost bum level. DD hated it because its too long, its a pain to brush and in the summer its hot.

Having had many discussions of the subject before, DH just digs his heels in and says that she shouldn't have it cut. DD wanted a shorter style.

Last Thursday DD was in tears with it, so I decided enough was enough, and on Tuesday I took her to have it properly cut, to shoulder length.

DH hasnt spoken to me since, other than to tell me he is really disappointed in me, and that I went behind his back (which I know I did) and that I should be ashamed of my actions, and that I am not trustworthy.

IMO, DD wanted it cut and its her hair, in the same way he can choose to grow a beard etc.

So, was I being terribly unreasonable?

What everyone else said

Sera'spost is a good summary

Sulking is ridiculous. And worrying

Oh, for goodness sake, to be sulking about this after a week is beyond childish. I'm wondering what would have happened if you had told him beforehand that you were going to do it? I suspect there would have been an absolutely mahoosive row, he would have stamped around shouting that he ordered you not to do it, and he would inevitably have dragged your daughter into it and forbidden her to do it. If you'd told him you didn't care and were going to take your daughter anyway, I hate to think what he'd have done. I think you were in an impossible position and you took the only course you could, because ultimately it can only be your daughter who decides on this. The only way in which I would say you were being a tiny bit U is in not going for something like a very short urchin cut. As matters stand, she is going to find she's still too hot in July and August, your DH is going to expect her to grow it out and you will have the whole saga again.

I think you probably need to ask him how long he intends to sulk for and suggest you both have a grown-up conversation about this in which he tries to think about his daughter instead of himself.

SGB's post, exactly. Any man who feels his daughter is in some way "his" has something wrong with them.

I do not believe that this is the only thing that the DH has done that is controlling or abusive. The OP's post imply that he has form for the stonewalling stuff, so I bet there is other behaviour she hasn't considered may be unhealthy.

This sort of attitude doesn't happen in isolation.

He sounds like a deeply misogynistic arsehole.

Creepy, controlling and fucking annoying.

Your DH is being a dick about this.

Yanbu that's very controlling. You listened to your dd and he isn't. Her hair is not a fairy tail and he doesn't have to cope with it o his head. He's very childish and your dd will thank you for having her back on this .

He's being a dick.

Wtf? He sounds like a freak.