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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want him to get on with it

119 replies

WatchingWaiting4 · 04/05/2015 23:54

I've been with boyfriend for a year and a half. When we first met we were both still married. I had been separated from my husband at the time for a year. He told me he had been separated for 9 months. It took him a year to finally tell his wife that he had met me. I was understanding at the time as he said he didn't want to piss his ex off incase she moved away with his son. Ever since we met he said he wanted to divorce her but a year and a half later and he still hasn't done anything, even though he knows how crap the fact he hasn't started divorce proceedings makes me. My divorce is now complete and I'm made to feel like I'm being unreasonable when I mention him getting on with his. So am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Weathergames · 04/05/2015 23:57

Do you want to marry him?

Otherwise why does it matter?

abigamarone · 04/05/2015 23:57

Is he in any hurry to get divorced? He probably doesn't see any need to at present.

crustsaway · 05/05/2015 00:00

OP, this is going to sound harsh and I don't mean it to. He doesn't want to cut that tie yet, I think you're the transitional woman not the one he will go on to be with.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/05/2015 00:03

Not in the immediate future but I'd like our relationship to move forward. We both have children and would like to start to get to know his child and for him to get to know my daughter. At present he wants to get the divorce in motion first or he's worried his wife will get difficult. He still has a house with her.

OP posts:
textfan · 05/05/2015 00:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

crustsaway · 05/05/2015 00:05

Well that says it all then to be fair. You have invested far more into this than he has. I'd cut my loses here and see him as the person that helped you do what you needed to to become free.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/05/2015 00:06

Yes he was living at his parents

OP posts:
crustsaway · 05/05/2015 00:07

If someone is "worried" about what their ex will say then that person is not ready to cut ties.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/05/2015 00:08

I'm just worried that he's delaying because he's not really over her.

OP posts:
crustsaway · 05/05/2015 00:08

Then you are totally right to have those worries, because he isnt.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/05/2015 00:09

It's making me deeply unhappy but I don't know if I'm blowing it all out of proportion and I'm being unreasonable.

OP posts:
crustsaway · 05/05/2015 00:11

I obviously only know what you have written but I'd seriously think whether this man is someone you want to wait around for? You have just said you are deeply unhappy, that's reason enough to back off and find someone as free as you are.

crustsaway · 05/05/2015 00:13

If someone loves you they would do their utmost to make you happy, especially in the early stages.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/05/2015 00:17

His wife has posted the following recently on her twitter accoun...
A true relationship is two imperfect people refusing to give up on each other.

OP posts:
BigFatPanda · 05/05/2015 00:26

Run

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/05/2015 00:29

He says she wants to divorce. But the quote was pinned to her pinterest a month ago...

OP posts:
NewMrsX · 05/05/2015 00:30

Is he one of those that just buries his head in the sand for an easy life? My dh is like this with his exp. 8 years on and he still hasn't got round to sorting out selling their house. I realised before we got married that's just the way he is and accepted it.

I think with something as big as divorce you need to just give him space and let him deal with it himself. You haven't actually been together that long

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/05/2015 00:31

I was married before and didn't rush at divorcing. When I met my current DH, that was when I really wanted to get divorced. And I did.

You aren't the one for him.

lordsandladies · 05/05/2015 00:32

Yeah bet she doesn't even know you exist. Sorry call it a day Flowers

Coumarin · 05/05/2015 00:35

I think he was at his parents rather than his own place, because he was still hoping they'd get back together and he'd go home. I really don't think he's as committed to your relationship as you are, sorry.

NewMrsX · 05/05/2015 00:36

Just seen your other posts... Sounds like there's a lot of unfinished business between them

Coumarin · 05/05/2015 00:37

And stopped looking at his wife's twitter/Pinterest accounts. If you're feeling like this now then no good will come of it long term.

Find someone who'll love you like you love them.

Original poster
WatchingWaiting4 · 05/05/2015 00:38

I don't know what to think anymore

OP posts:
Coumarin · 05/05/2015 00:38

*stop

Coumarin · 05/05/2015 00:39

You do, you just don't want to because it hurts. Flowers