Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

2nd date madness?

115 replies

perfectlyincapable · 04/05/2015 17:04

Not a stealth boast thread honest.

I have been online dating on and off for quite a few months, nearly every single date has ended very quickly (usually by me walking out).
I'm not desperate for a relationship but I do miss having the companionship, I'm still friendly with my DCS dad and we Co habitat so that makes dating harder hence why I believe I haven't had a lot of luck.

Anyway fast forward and I was invited out on a date by a seemingly nice guy who I had been chatting to for a little while.
Now this guy has blown me away, he met me with flowers, held the doors open, insisted on paying and walked me home and gave me a kiss before leaving basically the whole old school gent shabang.

I am really impressed and he really seems to like me, he has been in contact frequently by text and phone, he suggested our 2nd date and has booked tickets for Alton towers with hotel (separate beds if needed as he knows I won't DTD for a while yet) leaving tomorrow.

Now we had discussed our ideas of fun as we went to the funfair and I mentioned I love theme parks, we also work very similar hours so he knows we both aren't working, my exH is also fine with the DCS.

But I just can't shake this worry of its too good to be true.
I have had some terrible relationships and even my good ones have never been as thoughtful as this guy.
I'm terrified but I don't know why, my friend has joked he is probably a psycho trying to reel me in as these things never happen in real life.

AIBU? I mean if it was all just a ploy surely he wouldn't have spent a fair amount of money on a date right (I was sent the booking confirmation for my own piece of mind).

Tell me I'm just being stupid and this is a good crazy, I obviously don't think I'm going to be kidnapped or murdered but I am worried about red flags and him turning out to be a nutcase.

OP posts:
MissingYouSoMuch · 04/05/2015 17:06

I think you are over thinking it all. It's a second date.

OneInAMillionYou · 04/05/2015 17:08

I absolutely agree this is moving too fast. By all means go to a theme park as a date, but no way would I be booking into a hotel with him. Why do you have to stay over?

CheeseBored · 04/05/2015 17:08

it's quite a big deal for a second date though. I think in your circumstances I too would be a bit wary - bit too much too soon perhaps? Couldn't you have just gone for the day?

sooperdooper · 04/05/2015 17:08

Go along and have fun, stop worrying! :)

LimeFizz · 04/05/2015 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMuesli · 04/05/2015 17:10

In personally think alton towers with a hotel is quite a big spend for just a second date. It might be the start of something great but I think I would worry about the intentions of sleeping in the same room. You don't really know him at all so for that reason I would have insisted I would go home personally.

MissingYouSoMuch · 04/05/2015 17:10

I should also add..... you don't know him at all. You would hope somebody WAS still putting forward their best side after a first date so the 'too good to be true' observation is probably a bit of a moot point at this stage.

Mrsstarlord · 04/05/2015 17:11

I don't get the problem.

He's got nice manners, seems like a nice bloke. I'm not sure what your doubts are?

MissingYouSoMuch · 04/05/2015 17:14

Has he booked you a separate room OP? Or a twin room? If the latter I would absolutely NOT be doing an overnighter.

PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/05/2015 17:14

separate BEDS or ROOMS?? - quite a big difference IMO!

JeanSeberg · 04/05/2015 17:14

He sounds weird.

paxtecum · 04/05/2015 17:18

You've walked out of most of your other first dates?

Blistory · 04/05/2015 17:22

It sounds a wee bit intense.

Why the overnight bit ? Did he ask if you were okay with that or did he just book it ?

Lavenderice · 04/05/2015 17:22

Why did you walk out on your other dates?

Stitchintime1 · 04/05/2015 17:23

I'd say he is still just a charming stranger and needs to be treated as such. A couple of dates is not very much time to know someone.

MissingYouSoMuch · 04/05/2015 17:23

The first thing I was a bit Hmm over as well paxtecum

MeepyMupp · 04/05/2015 17:25

For a 2nd date as far as the theme park goes , fine. But if it was me online dating and the guy just went ahead without checking and booked us to stay overnight in the same room, I would be worried about what he expected to happen in said room twin beds or not !

Why have you walked out on most of your dates?

TiredButFine · 04/05/2015 17:29

If he is truly a great guy he will understand why you feel shocked and unsure about going...is it so far away that you need to stay the night? Is it the nearest funfair/themepark to where you live or did he pick it so you would "have" to stay over? ExH is a guy, what's his view on it?
It's totally over the top for a second date, not least because it involves staying over, and you have DC's! He may well be hoping you will DTD out of gratitude/a day of OTT gentlemanly behaviour etc. or he may just be an overexcitable naive guy. Personally I'd be making sure I had a same day return journey booked if I went at all.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 04/05/2015 17:32

That's an extremely lavish spend for only a second date. For that reason alone I would be wary. Very wary. And NO overnight stay. Not even in separate rooms.

teacoffeesomethingsweet · 04/05/2015 17:33

I wouldn't go tbh. It seems pretty intense to me for a 2nd day. I wouldn't go anywhere where I couldn't just easily get out from to go home. But that's just me and I'm not saying anyone should think the way I do.
The only thing I would be really cautios of is the overnight stay. That's a huge thing for a 2nd date!
*disclaimer: I may just be very old fashioned. He may be a lovely lovely guy. And I could just be overthinking this because I've met some epic arseholes in my life.

formerbabe · 04/05/2015 17:34

Now this guy has blown me away, he met me with flowers, held the doors open, insisted on paying and walked me home and gave me a kiss before leaving basically the whole old school gent shabang.

I mean this in the nicest possible way op, but you seem to be easily impressed. All those things you described are lovely but not especially unusual as far as I can remember from my dating days.

Original poster
perfectlyincapable · 04/05/2015 17:35

On the overnight thing it is probably the furthest theme park possible to me, however it was Alton towers we were discussing on our date so definitely not picked for the distance.
It is separate beds not rooms, he has stated that he only booked it overnight because he knows it's a long way to go but if I want to come home that's absolutely fine.

By past experiences at Alton towers I won't be able to walk by the end of the day (back trouble) so I think he was being kind.

I'm just a little weirded out by such a grand gesture on a 2nd date.

OP posts:
PHANTOMnamechanger · 04/05/2015 17:36

in the same room? NO. NO WAY.

Original poster
perfectlyincapable · 04/05/2015 17:38

Formerbabe I have found in my area with guys my age basic manners are few and far between.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 04/05/2015 17:39

This sounds like it has the potential to turn into a plot from a very bad sitcom. Grin