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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be gopping mad at this woman who posted my DCs party invite on social media!?

526 replies

VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 14:02

I made some daft invites to look like magazine covers for DCs upcoming birthday to use up a load of old photo paper.

I found it odd that I was getting text message acceptances and requests to bring siblings from mothers of children I had never heard of- when quizzed the same name came up and a mention of a Social Networking site.

It turns out one of the mother's of a child in Dc's class took a photo of the invite (which had date/time/venue)on her wall and posted it on FB under an event (wtf?)

I've hired the venue out privately and am panicking the party will be ruined, we will end up in the local paper because 200 kids turn up wanted to be entertained and fed.

I asked the mother directly and she denied it and I have no proof (screen shot etc) although I am STILL getting texts

DC will be heartbroken if I cancel I just do not know what to do for the best. The last thing I'd want it having to stand by the venue door for 3 hours instead of joining in a celebrating a birthday- It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact my child will be 7 but this is the first time we've ever held a party.

Any advice on how to handle would be greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 14:39

It's an amazing sporting facility- like I said incredibly jammy to have it to ourselves as it's not normally permitted.

NynaevesSister, thanks, great idea. I got no response when I asked her why she had posted my DCs invite on Facebook mind you.

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 03/05/2015 14:40

Is it at a really, really popular venue, then? Something like laser tag?

Is your name on the invitation?

KoalaDownUnder · 03/05/2015 14:40

OH sorry - cross-post!

Twirlwirlywoo · 03/05/2015 14:41

OMG - Why would someone do this???

What a nutter!

I think I would go and see her in person. Knock on her door and politely and calmly (despite wanting to clobber her) tell her that her FB page has been cited by several people as being the source of the information and that you expect some help in rectifying the matter. Can she ensure the invite is down (sounds like she already has pulled it) and post to explain due to a misunderstanding the event is for people who have received a paper invitiation ONLY in person from YOU. Anyone turning up on the day that was not issued with an invite in person will unfortunately be refused entry.

The least she can do is help you out now.

Just pop around and knock, frit your teeth and do it. She wont be expecting you so you will catch her unaware and you will feel alot better having dealt with it.

She will feel even more of a tit - but hey ho - she has acted like one!

Crikeyblimey · 03/05/2015 14:41

Un-de-friend her and post a massive notice on her wall (repeatedly if she keeps deleting it) so hopefully all her 'friends' will eventually see it.

What a nightmare.

ChasedByBees · 03/05/2015 14:42

What the hell was she thinking?! What did you say to her? Surely you have text evidence of her friends laying the blame at her feet?

MissyMistress402 · 03/05/2015 14:44

Thats an outrage I'd definitely be paying her a polite ish visit.

loveareadingthanks · 03/05/2015 14:46

Make a couple of really big posters to put up at the entrance to the venue. Put a picture of the party invitation on it. Head the poster 'IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT THIS PARTY. Then put

This is a private birthday party for X(your child's first name). If you were personally given a printed invitation by X's parents please come on in and join the party.

If you saw a copy of this invitation on Facebook, your child is not invited and cannot join us today. It has come to our attention that someone with no connection to organising the party and no authority to invite additional children has invited other people through Facebook. We do not know why. We are sorry if your child is disappointed but you need to speak to the person who posted about this. The staff here and X's parents will not be able to talk to you.

And have a relative/friend checking people as they come in. If anyone kicks up a fuss then point them back to the poster and tell them all the information you need is on there. Bye.

JulesJules · 03/05/2015 14:46

Idiotic woman. I think you need to be really firm with her - tell her that her actions could potentially ruin your DC's party and she must sort it out by posting an explanation on her FB events, and that you KNOW it was her as several people have told you where they got the information.

And have someone on the door (her DH?)

MrsSchadenfreude · 03/05/2015 14:47

What Lovereading says.

JulesJules · 03/05/2015 14:49

Xpost with everyone Grin

maxybrown · 03/05/2015 14:49

I swear more and more people are absolutely bonkers these days, how odd. Hope you get it sorted OP! There seems to be lots of things not adding up, sounds like this parent knows more than she's letting on to you Confused

ClashCityRocker · 03/05/2015 14:49

The mind boggles Confused

What a lot of extra hassle. Tell the mum in question she needs to clarify things. If it's been set up as an event, there should be a list of people who have clicked 'attending' or 'maybe attending'. The mum who put it up needs to get in touch and explain.

MissDuke · 03/05/2015 14:50

Does the activities at this venue have an age restriction? Could this be why the mum asked if younger siblings can come?

SunsetDreamer · 03/05/2015 14:50

Please don't punish the child for the mother's mistake.

MissDuke · 03/05/2015 14:51

I was thinking the same sunset - not the childs fault. Also, it seems your ds wanted this child there, so it would disappoint him too surely.

AlisonBlunderland · 03/05/2015 14:57

Great post by lovereadingthanks

If you have the ladyballs, I agree that an unscheduled visit is in order.
If she finally fesses up (and even if you don't have a paper trail, several potential gatecrashers have named her as the source, the very least she can do is be the one on the door who helps deal with turning people away

PHANTOMnamechanger · 03/05/2015 14:58

I can't believe how stupid some people are, then to try to deny all knowledge when several people have cited her as the source of the "invite". Crazy!!

I'd go with something similar to what lovereading says - a BIG sign on the door and laying the blame firmly at the other womans feet.

TeddTess · 03/05/2015 15:04

can you speak to someone at the venue and explain what happened, see if they will bring the time forward by say, 30 minutes. that way at least you can get the party started and those arriving later just are not allowed in.

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 15:05

Yes dc will be really disappointed if her kid doesn't come- he's a sweetheart.
Just not sure if I could face her on a day which shouldn't be about hassle and seething resentment Grin
Asks for your great advice.

OP posts:
Justusemyname · 03/05/2015 15:06

This is just bonkers.

Original poster
VodkaVomitANDPoo · 03/05/2015 15:07

And she is NOT responding to text and e mail now so perhaps in person could be a way forward.

OP posts:
AlisonBlunderland · 03/05/2015 15:07

Teddtess - good suggestion!

AlisonBlunderland · 03/05/2015 15:08

If I were her, I'd be avoiding you too vodka !

Ceic · 03/05/2015 15:12

Maybe the reason that you can't find the details on FB is because she's put you or her image on her restricted list?

As for what to do next? I think you should talk to the venue, ideally someone fairly senior. Tell them that full details of the private party have been leaked online and you've been getting messages from people who seem to think it is an open free event.

Ask about what can they do to help man the door and ensure only genuine guests get in? After all, if people are turning up because they think the venue produced the invite/flier then they will complain to the venue. They can do a sign and help field non-invited people away.

I suggest you produce a physical token or letter for genuine guests and, if you can, give the venue a guest list with photos or some other info that can be used to confirm the guest is genuine. Or tell guests they they need to bring their original invite to get in?

Maybe I'm being a bit heavy-handed in my ideas but it seems like you've had a lot of cold calls about it.