Honest opinions is 42 too old....

[Summerwood1]

To be thinking about having one last baby? I have a 10 year old daughter and would love to start again!!!

I am quite certain that if I had had my children 10, or even 20, years earlier I'd now at the age of 49 be horrified at the thought of having a young child.
As I started late it just did not seem such an enormous step to keep going. We thought long and hard about the risks, but were prepared to take them. And, boy, am I glad we did

None of us can decide for anybody when the right time is to have a family, or how many children to have, or what age gaps or whatever.
I never understand how heated these threads can get

My only hope is that my kids will keep me young!

Yes it is tragically young. But this is facing two of my friends. And the risk of dying at this age does jump up.

www.medicine.ox.ac.uk/bandolier/booth/Risk/dyingage.html

Obviously only you can make the decision OP.

But Two, that still misses the point rather. If my parents had been able to see into the future and known they would have both died when I was a teenager, perhaps they wouldn't have had me at all.

And - I wouldn't like that! I like being alive! I loved them and it was very sad I lost them both when I was still so young - but I'm absolutely fine now!

I don't think dying young or fear of, is a reason not to have a child. Of course, if you don't want to then that's different but it is desperately sad (in my view) to not have a child because of this.

If I have children (I hope I will) this will be an honest conversation I will have with them.

Believe me, I'm not saying not having parents at a young age is easy: it's perhaps the hardest thing in the world - but it is survivable.

I'd have said it was too old, having had my 3rd just before I turned 39. DC4 is now due September when I'll be 42 after a thus-far straightforward, low risk, if somewhat surprise pregnancy. I am tired but this is probably more due to the fact that 3-year old DC3 still doesn't sleep through the night and was particularly awake last night.

Can't say I've noticed any difference in pregnancies thus far, except I'll have to see a consultant soon due to my 'advanced maternal age'. And I'll have to deliver in hospital rather than home birth as the others. No guarantees how the birth will go, of course.

My take - it's all down to the individual - although thanks to all those who've pointed out it will be awful for DC to have older parents - I was quite surprised to find two of my friends were 42 when they had their last, they seem much younger.

I'd do what suits you and your family, OP - my DC are so excited and they will be here for DC4 if we're not. The big advantage of being older is that I really don't care about other people judging.

x

I think almost everyone would have rather be born than not. Whether or not dying while your kids are still young or having a kid with a significant disability is a complete game changer to you is completely personal. I wouldn't want to have a child knowing there was a significant chance of either of those (even though the child would probably still be glad they were born). Not everyone feels that way, and it's up to the OP to decide how she feels about it.

I was 42 when I had my second baby. I had my eldest at 29. It was fine.

I'm 41 and 2 puppies have reminded me I never ever want to be that tired again. Also, I'd not like to take the medical risk leaving my already existing children without a mother.

I don't think having a young child in your 40's is the issue. Unless your health is poor, that will be fine. The two risks are an increased risk of dying before your child has grown up. And an increased risk of a child with Downs Syndrome.

Do it! I had my first last year a few months before turning 41. I didn't explicitly plan to be an older mother, but I don't regret it in the slightest. No one in my nct group is under 35, so I don't feel particularly unusual. I had a great time in my twenties and thirties, getting an education, partying, and travelling. These days I'm financially stable, way more patient, and actually far fitter than I was back then. Motherhood is great, and hopefully we'll manage to have another if we're lucky.

Does anyone who willingly goes ahead having children (not as an accident I stress) into their forties think about what life will be like for that child with older parents?

As for that comment, yes I did, my parents were 39 & 40 when they had me. There were times when I was very young that I minded being asked if my mum was my grandmother, but other than that it didn't really have any negative effect on my life. They are both still around, and active and involved grandparents. I like to think I kept them young.

do it OP. Just bear in mind in the early years the constraints of having a teen and a toddler. Accommodating both when one wants the cinema and the other wants tumble time is an arse!

I'd be interested to know why you have left it 10 years OP. My DD is 9 and I am seriously considering another now (been broody for 4 years!)

I'm not pushing 50 with an under 10! I've pushed well past (will be 52 in three months) and my DS is not 6 yet! I seem to be managing...

I considered having a second child when I was 40, but for a variety of reasons, some personal, decided not to.

Now at 57, part of me does regret not taking the risk and going ahead with the idea. I certainly don't feel too old or unfit to be a parent to a 17 year old, and have a number of friends with older teenagers.

But there are advantages as well, the increased freedom you get when DC are off your hands is great and you are still young enough to enjoy it too.

Whatever you decide there are pros and cons.

My mum was 42 when she had me. She did all right and we had a great life. My godmother was 45. That has proved much harder, but her older husband died from asbestosis and she was involved in a car crash that damaged her legs.

I'm in my forties and personally find the idea of being pregnant again horrifying (in fact I recently had a very late period and was very worried even though I knew it was incredibly unlikely I could be pregnant). I have two teenagers and am starting to think about life when they leave home. :)

But my best friend from university has two toddlers and gives every appearance of being very happy.

I do think the downsides of a late pregnancy should be thought about, especially if you are thinking of adding to your family rather than creating one. dh's mother died at 50, and mine was already in a lot of pain from her arthritis which certainly affected my adolescent years.

Of course it is totally a personal choice and depends on your circumstances. Personally I think past your 50s (mum or dad) is too old for a baby, early 40s not really an issue.

Friend of my mum's had a baby at 48 after having two children in her 20s. Wasn't an issue.

God cannot imagine wanting to

planning next trip we can all take why the hell would you want to go back to nappies! weaning sleepless nights toddlers ...

Age is nothing but a number. I had DS when I was 25 and DD when I was 42. I can honestly say I am fitter, healthier and a better parent this time around. Of course there are some increased risks involved but what level of risk is acceptable to you is a very personal decision, only you can decide. Good luck if you do decide to go for it, my DD (although often infuriating like all 2 year olds) is an absolute joy

I would say go for it. I had DS at 38 and considered myself too old for a second child. Its my one regret in life.

Never! If you would like another child, then try for one! Best of luck

I thnk it's fine. Old (ish) but so what?

Whoever is laughing their head off at me not knowing anyone over 40 who's had a baby, I can't understand why?

I'm 39, all my friends are between 38-45 and our baby days are well and truly over. Believe me, we lived in our 20's, settled down in our 30's and will be ready to live again in our 40's not that we haven't had our share of parties in our 30's...

As usual, each to their own though.

I don't think it's too old either. I'm 53 and my daughter is 10.