Honest opinions is 42 too old....

[Summerwood1]

To be thinking about having one last baby? I have a 10 year old daughter and would love to start again!!!

I can't imagine why anyone would care a jot what random members of the public think when they see them "at the school gate" or "in the playground".

It's weird, is what it is!

My mother was an 'older mum' and yes, she was embarrassing but this had nothing to do with her age - it was the fact she was my mother!

Victoria, if you don't pick up a bra in M & S and shout to your DD 'is this one big enough lovey or have your busters grown?' I'm sure you'll be brilliant!

What are you talking about FoxyLoxie? Polly India was just quoting what Red Fairy herself said (albeit she mistyped "trailing" as "trawling" and added a bit about "dealing with nappies").

In what way did Polly India contradict herself?

I feel very sorry for those of you who are delighted that your kids have left home so you can have your "freedom". How sad it must have been for you, all those years of motherhood when you have felt imprisoned.

Perhaps you made the decision to have kids when you were too young and immature to actually think through what it involved, just followed the crowd eh?

I had my 4 close together (7 years between them all).

I know somebody who had 3 DC with 10 years between each of them, so she was approx. 20, 30 and 40 when she had them.

That would not have been my choice, but worked well for her.

I know excellent teenaged mothers, and some rubbish ones, and many middling ones.
I know excellent mothers in their 20s and 30s and 40s, some rubbish, many middling (like me ) - I really don't get why people get so riled about other people's choices or simply how other people's lives panned out?

Oh, a thread about 'Do you feel threatened by other people's lives?' would be scary interesting!

It's a personal thing isn't it? I was definitely not in a place to have more at 42 even though I'd spent much of my late 30s desperate for a second child. There just came a point where I felt that that time had passed. However, I have several friends who had babies after 40 and they've done ok. One has found it particularly exhausting but that's life isn't it? I don't think I would want to go through all the school gates stuff again personally, that and the sleepless nights!

My Mum was over 40 when she had me, her Mum was 43 when she had her last. All in the days before there was really much choice about whether you got pregnant or not. I had a lovely childhood and my older siblings were like second parents. My Mum is still alive and I am 54 so, although there is a slightly higher risk of baby being left without a Mum at a youngish age, there are never any guarantees. If you want it, go for it.

I can totally understand women who completed their families in their twenties being horrified at the notion of starting again in your forties. However if you are late thirties, and having your first, that's all you know!

Also, without meaning to be crude, some women do experience changes in their bodies post kids and so for those who had kids early, by 40 maybe they feel a bit older than those who are late thirties and have never had kids! Does that make sense? For some women they might have put on weight and never really got rid of it, developed varicose veins, had a prolapse, all those wonderful things that can happen whilst pregnant or after delivering a few children and that no one likes to discuss.

There seems to be a specific criteria amongst some posters they need to be fit healthy and 30 odd to be the right parent for a child its ridiculous imo what makes a 45 yr old bettter equipped better equipped to deal with hormonal teenagers or a 34 yr old better for the school run ?

I agree Mrsjay. I am surprised that quite a lot of people have such strong views on such a personal decision when they have very little in common with the Op's circumstances. I only contributed to the debate because I was 43 when I had my last DC and I also had a 10 and 9 year gap to her older siblings. I think others brought up in this set up also have something to contribute.
I do not really think it is an issue for donning the Judgey Pants over!

When I was pregnant with dd3 aged 44 I got the same strong responses about going to be taken for the babies granny etc. I have always been wondering if some women feel threatened by older women having babies????

It was the 4- 5 year old kids who asked me if I was Pipsqueak's granny.

And if the little kids are asking it, you know the adults are thinking the same ...

Ahhh yes I was waiting for the implication that young parents are immature and can't wait for their kids to leave home

I think some of you doth protest too much. There was no need for yet another dig towards young parents really was there? But the mumsnet philosophy is all about doing everything and 'living life' in your twenties, and subsequently being mature enough to pop out some children in your late thirties and forties. Regardless of the many threads on here relating to tragic stillbirths, fetal abnormalities and general angst. As you were.

Funny, but no-one has ever said anything to me about being mistaken for the baby's granny (meybe they are just being polite). I am the one who brings the subject up sometimes (mainly because my granny was only just 41 when I was born, nearly fove years younger than I was whan DS was born, so I often think about how odd that is. No-one else seems bothered!).

I have a friend who has just had her second baby, having had two within about 19 months, and she is in her forties. Everyone is delighted for her.

What a lovely spectrum of replies - typical of the strength of MN! I have adored them at every stage and started when I was 31. The MN-er that aligned the decision with your attitude to risk hit the spot for me though. All the best!

Foxie I have been very careful not to make an implication about younger parents being immature etc. I agree that is a load of nonsense. It's just too indvidual. Personally, my lifestyle/various issues have been such that I would have been a disaster of a parent in my twenties, but that is not the same for everyone. My mother had me when she was 19 and she might not have been perfect (and she did have a lot of support from my granny) but she was a great mother.

My mum had me at 40 when my older siblings were 8 and 14. To be honest the sibling age gaps were what felt more unusual when I was growing up. My dad died at 60 from cancer three weeks after my last A level, which wasn't ideal but actually that was just bad luck. My mum is still going strong in her late 80s.

I think my spaced out family is great - my nieces and nephews started to arrive in my late teens, and my children began to arrive when the nieces and nephews were ranging from 7 to teens. I love that my children have the older cousins to look up to in the same way I look up to my elder sisters.

Personally I can think of nothing worse than having another one now but that is because I know that my family is complete. If it wasn't I would absolutely go for it in my 40s. I would love to know where all the forty-somethings are on pills - I don't know any!

Well, anybody who is premenopausal and wishes to avoid pregnancy should have some kind of contraception in place, surely?
As it happens I have the coil, not the pill, but the pill CAN be taken up to a woman's early 50s if there are no contraindications although many opt to change to a progesterone only method as the risks are lower.

There are more unwanted pregnancies in the over 50s (not many of which lead to live-births) than the 45-50s because of a perceived lack of fertility and therefore not using contraception.
Pregnancy and menopause

Goldenmilk I solemnly promise to not do that to DD. I'd forgotten that my late mum used to call them busters, so thanks for jogging a nice memory!

Go for it, I had DC3 at 42 when my other 2 DCs were 16&13 and it's great. He's 18 months now and a real handful but definitely worth his weight in gold. His 2 older siblings adore him

I really could not care less if anyone takes me for DD3 s granny or not. For children her age all adults seem ancient and to teenagers all mums are weird and interfering.
We both come from families of people living to old age in good health and when it comes to caring responsibilities there will be five siblings of different ages and stages of life.
One great advantage of my spaced out family is that I have babysitting built in. Far more freedom than I had with the older ones.

Btw i have a genetic abnormality my mother had me at 19 i know the risks are higher in general as you age but imo if you are still producing eggs then you can have a baby.

It's a parents contractural obligation to be mortifying and embarrass their offspring at every chance, whatever that parent's age, surely?

Absolutely I used to threaten to dance in the supermarket if they didnt behave if they were being particulary naughty i would sing

According to my teenagers the most embarrassing parents are the ones who believe they are cool and want to be their friends.

If you feel you want to then why not? I'd do the combined test etc if you are successful due to the increased genetic risks, but I can see lots of positives about being an older parent. Maybe more worldly, settled down, more savings, life experience etc.

cool mums embaress me never mind their children