Honest opinions is 42 too old....

[Summerwood1]

To be thinking about having one last baby? I have a 10 year old daughter and would love to start again!!!

Most women on both sides of my family have had babies is in 40s , for generations. My great aunt was one. She ran a farm until 90 odd.

Reekypear most 40 year-olds you know "are on some sort of pills"? What the fuck? The only pills my 40 year-old friends and I are on is contraceptive pills...

OP, age is just a number. If you are still fertile and want to have a baby, go ahead and don't think twice about what other people think.

I had my first baby at nearly 46.

PMSL @ "most people in their 40s are on lots of pills'

Sumerwood, it's not for any of us to tell you what to do. There's no answering this as a 'AIBU', as only you can decide what you want, what level of life disruption, added personal and financial stress and what level of risk you can comfortably live with.

Fwiw, my mother had 2 children when she was 23 and 25 - no problems, all's well.
I had 4 DCs between 37 and 44 - no problems, all's well.

The above proves diddly-squat and should not sway you either way. I think if I was you I'd examine my motivation v carefully and discuss it a few times with your DP - it's not a decision to be made lightly, one way or another.

Around here I was thought of as being really young to have my first at 28.

A 42 year old could be fitter and more energetic than a 20 something, it's all about individual health and lifestyle.

I can't imagine anything worse than getting pregnant again now - I'm 43 and my baby days are long gone.

My youngest is 8.5 and the idea of another baby is not something I would entertain, however if you are healthy and keen then why not?

I do think anyone hoping for pregnancy in their 40s needs to be aware that a successful pregnancy is less likely, and the potential for genetic anomalies IS higher than if you were in your 20s and 30s but it is entirely possible to conceive and have a healthy pregnancy.

I don't subscribe to the MN philosophy that large numbers of women can keep popping out healthy babies without assistance well into their late 40s and 50s though; I work in healthcare and natural pregnancies to term in women in their mid to late 40s are not ten-a-penny as MNers would have you believe.

Had first child at 23 second at 26 and third two months off my 45th birthday bit of a shock. The pluses are you hopefully have more money, we were so poor the first time around. You are more laid back, you discover lots of Mothers at the school gates in their late thirties early forties. He has two adoring older siblings.

The minuses, hubby and I have had a few health issues which I feel guilty about. I am a Mum of a teenager and a Grandmother of 12 weeks. I never suffered from empty nest so am not as doting as I might be. Hubby is less patient with teenager angst/attitude as he was first time around, he was working then is semi retired now.

On balance up to now I would not swap a moment of as a friend put it "Our Late Harvest"

Also, I know loads of women who had healthy babies in their 40's with no complications yet my friends baby has down syndrome and she was 26 when she had her and another 20something friend has a baby with a heart condition.

It isn't just about age.

The thing is that if you are feeling broody you will ignore all the common sense arguments for not having a baby. The fact is though that you could be putting yourself in a position where you have a disabled baby and this would have an enormous impact on your whole family's lives. Would you test for abnormalities? Would you be able to go through a termination? Are you prepared to have a teenager when you're sixty? Do you not think you'll be at a different stage in your life then, when you want to think about retiring, or taking fantastic holidays with your husband and instead you'll have to deal with teenage angst?

Broodiness blinds you to all that, though.

Just be prepared that at 42 your miscarriage risk is 50%. I am 40 and have had three miscarriages in 12 months, the group I'm part of on here are all ladies in their thirties and forties and whilst we can get pregnant we are finding we can't stay pregnant. My last MMC was found to have severe Downs

With all that said there are success stories out there so if you want to try then try but be prepared for a potentially rocky and sad road.

Interestingly my recurrent miscarriage consultant was pretty positive about carrying on trying in your 40s. I went in there blaming my age and she was the one telling me that lots of women have Downs babies at all sorts of ages and to just keep trying until we find a decent egg. I was fully prepared to be told to give up.

Thing is, no one who has a 'late baby' is going to regret it because once a child arrives in your life then of course you can't imagine life without it. But thats not to say you wouldn't have had an equally happy and fulfilling life without it.

Very tough decision!

I agree that it is important to look at the statistics: there's no arguing with biology.

However, NO set of numbers can predict what is going to happen to an individual. For instance, I had 3 consecutive MCs first and then had 2 babies, so was obviously older.

Also re genetic risk: yes, trisomy risk rise with maternal age (some also with paternal age) and a risk of, say, 1:18 sounds very, very scare when compared to somebody else's 1:3000 risk, but it still means that 17 out of 18 babies will be unaffected.

Re fertility: nobody knows what their fertility is like until they try it out .
I think that nowadays it is less common to actively TTC in your 40s (although getting more common again) than it was before the advent of reliable contraception (it was fairly standard for women to have pregnancies form their late teens in to their late 40s not that long ago).

It's always a lottery, and IMO you either go for it, or you don't. There's not much in-between.

If I have a baby, I'll be 38 at the earliest! (I am nearly 33 now.)

Is there really such a big difference between 38 and 42? As I am sure if I asked if I was BU to have a baby in 4 years time everyone would say 38 is OK?

In my opinion it's too old. I could cope physically with a baby at that age but wouldn't be able to get past that I'd be nearing sixty when I had a young teen. I don't know what the 'cut off' age is, it's arbitrary because nobody can decide but you but for me, the risks would be too great and I wouldn't.

Go for it if it's what u really want. I know many people who have had children in their 40's. Good luck to u.

classicallyfloral I'm really sorry but yes there is a big difference between 38 and 42 and there is an even bigger difference between 33 and 38. I caught easily with my son when I had just turned 37. Gave birth at 37, breast fed for a year, got my fertility back on the cusp of turning 39 and I am now totally fucked.

If there is any chance you can not defer until you are 38 I would absolutely not wait. Particularly if you want more than one.

Well, the problem is I'm single, but I assume you are talking about actually not being able to have a baby? I'm sorry to hear that but I meant in terms of actually being a parent (if you see what I mean!)

Yanbu. I know many fab mums who had babies in their 40s.. It is very common where I live. As for the risks, i had two stillbirths both in my 20s so that tragedy can happen any age. I had my last baby in my early 30s. I say go for it. Up until menopause it is perfectly normal to have babies.

Yes I meant being able to conceive and stay pregnant not actually parent a child

Every bodies health is different so personally speaking I have no health problems so age as a number outside of conception is not a problem. Age factored into conception can definitely be an issue.

It would be too old for me, but then I have the number of children I want.

If you really have a yearning for number 2, plus the energy, then go for it.

Not too old , but as people above have said it may be harder to get pregnant / stay pregnant. I had several miscarriages between my 3rd DC and my 4th, who was born when I was 42.

It would be for me. I had DC1 at 30 and DC2 at 32. I don't want anymore - we've only just got everyone sleeping though the night (DC2 is 18mo)!

That said, I live in the US and a friend who is over 50 had twins a few months back. All planned, IVF, and they're very happy. The advantage she has is that she and her husband have had their careers. He is older than her (60+) and they have a huge house, bought in help, cleaners, nannies, the lot. They still both look knackered though and he is regularly mistaken for the children's grandfather.

Do whatever makes you happy!

I think it's too old but I had my first dc when I was almost 31 and I am absolutely knackered, plus the thought of raising teens into my late 50s sends me into cold sweats.

Also I grew up with older parents (mum and dad had me at 36 and 37 respectively). Dad died when I was 14, and I know my mum could not be around much longer and that scares the shit out of me. I really resent my mum not being as active etc when I was growing up. But this is my own issues, some dc could love having an older mum.