Honest opinions is 42 too old....

[Summerwood1]

To be thinking about having one last baby? I have a 10 year old daughter and would love to start again!!!

Does anyone who willingly goes ahead having children (not as an accident I stress) into their forties think about what life will be like for that child with older parents?

My DH's mum was in her mid forties when he was born. My Dad's mother was around 40. I don't think this has had a negative impact on either of them. Why should it? The parents will only be in their sixties when the child reaches adulthood, which isn't old.

Yes, there are some risks, and you need to weigh those up, but many women give birth to healthy, happy babies in their forties.

I wouldnt have another baby at 42, but if you want it then go for it.

i was 40 when DD was born and I am 42 now, maybe its because I have a 2 year old already but the thought of having another baby now makes me want to weep, if i didnt have DD i meant have felt differently. I dont think my body could take another pregnancy.

I'm 40 and get the horrors I'm looking forward to having a bit of a life as my youngest gets older... Why would anyone want to start all that again is beyond me. Aside from the increased risk health wise. Is there something missing from a persons life that they want to fill it up with sleepless nights and shitty nappies?

The only thing going for being an older mother is the having more patience and of course having older sprogs means babysitters.

Your call though.. I'd rather have a life but then I've done pregnancy and sprogging since 19.

DD3 came to us as a newborn when I was 42.

It was very hard but that was partly emotional and because of the adoption circumstances.

I do get so achy and tired with her (she's 2 now), I have arthritis and I'm menopausal too.

But I wouldn't change it for the whole world.

Having a family in your 40s is a normal thing to do. What a weird comment. Thousands of 40+ women have babies every year. A significant number of 50+ as well. Women live longer, fitter and healthier lives these days.

In fact my midwife while I was in labour last year at 40 said she didn't count women my age as older mothers - but 50 onwards. Her own MIL had twins naturally at 45.

There are some increased risks of genetic problems and miscarriage when you are older but once pregnant you are still more likely to have a successful pregnancy and healthy baby than not.

By the way, my sisters and I had our babies either as teenagers or post-mid 30s. I know very few friends and family who had babies in late 20s or early 30s so obviously IME that's not normal!

Like many others I had my first at 39 and my second at 43. I was very aware of the 'risks' but I was also aware that women had being having babies in their forties for years. My Dad 's mum was 45 when she had him and she then went on to have another at 47. I also have friends who suffered losses in their 20s and friends in their 30s who had complications which led to serious ill health. Pregnancy and birth can through up risks at any age. I didn't take my decision lightly to have number 2 and I knew there was increased risks but my desire to have a second child was strong enough to proceed. I did present with a very high DS risk ( 1 in 20) and was offered an amino which I declined due to the risk of m/c ( very low but having suffered a loss it was high enough for me ). My baby was born with no conditions and is thriving. My experience is anecdotal but it's still true. I think there needs to be updated research about women having children later in life as there is an enormous amount of scaremongering around. Good luck whatever you decide.

Throw!

I had DS2, now two years old (third child) at 40. The older two are 13 and 11 so a big gap. However, they love their little brother and do play with him, keep him entertained for me and its brought out a really caring side in both of them. They are too old to want to complete with him and mainly find him funny, cute and at times, annoying.

Interrupted sleep and running around after a lively toddler/small child have been killing though. Despite it being my third I had definitely forgotten how hard it is to parent a small one. It's just so knackering. I work school hours so not even full time but am exhausted and our social life has taken a hit. Wouldn't change it though, but it was odd going back to pushing a pushchair etc.

Is there something missing from a persons life that they want to fill it up with sleepless nights and shitty nappies?

Surely you can say that about any parent of any age?

For me? No way, no how. My children are in their early teens and early twenties and DH and I love the independence of having an older family, both personally and professionally. I love my children but I want the second half of my life (and my relationship with DH) to be about me & us. I want to be SELFISH

How anyone else feels about it? I couldn't care less, tbh. As long as you are financially secure, healthy and committed to raising your child/ren, then please, crack on.

Not in my head.

I'm 42 (closer to 43 actually) and had ds2 three weeks ago. Ds1 is 8yo. It just felt like the right time for us, and I wouldn't change a thing.

I think those who say stuff like ... think of the child ... would you want parents in their late 50's 60's during your childhood really miss a bigger point.
Possibly having younger parents is more ideal ... but the other option is Not existing!! My mum had me quite late, and her being older had disadvantages to me. But as you cannot turn time backwards ,, I am s glad she did have me rather than she decided not to !! I wouldn't exist, that would be a whole lot worse than older parents.

As mums to be we don't often plan when we are 25 ..."I know I will have my kids when I am exactly 43 1/2" Life is not like that.

If circumstances are right and if you are older , I think there are a lot of advantages and you should go for it.

No, I had a child mid twenties and mid thirties.

The difference in energy levels is astounding. I don't know many uber fit 40 year olds. Most are on some sort of pills. I'm also peri menopausal and the freaking idea of a toddler up all night is frankly horrifying, with me hot flushing is a big no no.

Andes there are significant risks, more so than in the twenties or thirties to a high risk pregnancy, or a disabled child, no point denying it.

There is a lot to condider.

IfFinished - I think that comment was made in the context of someone who already has older children and is choosing to return to the sleepless nights and baby groups etc again. Not referring to anyone who decides to have children

This is one of those situations where there is no right or wrong... If you can afford it and both want it and feel it will be overall positive for your family then why not go for another child?

Personally I wouldnt have relished going back to babies just as we were getting a taste of freedom: like someone else said, you almost move into a 'second half' of life where you have a different relationship with your adult children, and we are loving it and personally Id feel compromised if we were combining that with still having a fairly young child. I can imagine there might be a honeymoon period with a baby and children of, say, 10
And 12, but the phase when they'd be two adults and an 8 year old would be much tougher I imagine. I also wouldn't have wanted my children to feel obliged to babysit etc
But there are people on here with huge age gaps who couldn't be happier so it's horses for courses. Only you can truly decide!

You don't know many über fit 40 year olds and most are on pills?

Maybe you need to get out more.

I had my last at 43. Had I known I would be dx with cancer at 47 I probably wouldn't have had her, but we don't know what is around the corner.

I don't think she has suffered from having elderly parents any more than her siblings did from having parents in their 20s.

We didn't consider the financial hit but that has also been affected by factors outside our control.

The only thing I do regret is the lack of a sibling close in age means she demands my constant attention, which does get wearing.

I had my first child in my late twenties, on reflection I was too young. We were broke so I had to rush back to work within weeks. He had special needs and I was just not ready, I lacked confidence and did not know really who I was and certainly was not ready to help a new person work out who they were.

I am quite fit, I have run most days well into all my later pregnancies, I swim every day and horse ride. I am probably fitter now than I was in my 20s. I am also more confident, we have our forever home and I can afford to be at home as long as I wanted to. Even if I did not have as much energy my life is much more sorted and therefore I don't need to have as much energy.

I am not on pills.

My main point was that there is not one answer for everyone. For some of us having children in our 40s is not really a problem for others it may be.

I had dc3 3 weeks before my 40th and was pretty shocked my some of the responses I had from other mums, how 'selfish' and 'irresponsible ' I was saddling a child to 'look after me when I was old' and suchlike.

Another min who uses the same childminder felt it was 'disgusting' I was having a baby at my age. She was expecting her fourth child by her fourth partner at age 26.

I smile and nod I try not to rise to it

Nope. 41 when had dd. If you and yours are up for it why not? I won't kid you that it's not tiring and your age won't be a factor but I only have the one and have no frame of reference.

I'm 50 and have a 9 year old. Don't think either of us see a problem with it...
Am also not a 'freak' at the school gate.
Might not have another tho'
(am not on any pills/medication either)

PMSL @ "most 40 year olds are on pills"
Plus, I had more energy at 35 than 25, maybe cos at 35 I did fewer pills.

Well I am fit and not on pills! I am 50 and ran 5 miles this morning! I am pretty fit and had my 2 at 43 and 47. They are fine. I am fine.

No pills here, and I'm 42!

Not planning on having any more babies though! :)